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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Costings and date nights

115 replies

ForLuckyReader · 14/03/2026 23:01

I’ll stick to the facts.
— I (28) have been living with DP (32) for about 8 months now. He owns the home via mortgage which he has had for 5 years.
— I pay half of bills which is £150 per month — I pay half of food shop which is £200 a month - 70% of which is food for DP.

DP never offers to pay for a date night, ever. It’s always split on Monzo - everything from coffee to a meal. I want to be taken out once in a while. It gives me the ick.

AIBU

OP posts:
Original poster
ForLuckyReader · 14/03/2026 23:22

fashionqueen0123 · 14/03/2026 23:21

He doesn’t even buy you a drink?

Never!! Or if he does.. I get a monzo request for half

OP posts:
fashionqueen0123 · 14/03/2026 23:21

He doesn’t even buy you a drink?

ExtraOnions · 14/03/2026 23:12

Is this really the life you want ? 8 months into living together and you’re already bean counting. What’s the long term plan ? Doesn’t look like much of a partnership from here, more like housemates that are sleeping together.

PollyBell · 14/03/2026 23:12

ForLuckyReader · 14/03/2026 23:09

Once every so often.. yes! I pay my share of everything, always, when we go out etc. I don’t think it’s unreasonable in the slightest to expect a date night on him every once in a while.. surely? Or is it?

As i understand you are complaining about date night, the costs of date night is split

If you pay sometimes for both and he only splits yes not fair

But it seems he has to pay all his mortgage and you only split normal bills he still pays more overall but no idea why you would live with him just date if money is your issue

NoSoupForU · 14/03/2026 23:12

The whole "date night" thing is just twee bollocks.

Do you take him out?

CluelessAboutBiology · 14/03/2026 23:12

Before you moved in with DP 8 months ago, where were you living and how much rent did you pay?

Miskast · 14/03/2026 23:12

How often do you treat him to a night out as opposed to paying your half?

PearTreeBoat · 14/03/2026 23:11

Given that he is housing you for free do you ever take him out and pay the full bill??

Original poster
ForLuckyReader · 14/03/2026 23:09

Once every so often.. yes! I pay my share of everything, always, when we go out etc. I don’t think it’s unreasonable in the slightest to expect a date night on him every once in a while.. surely? Or is it?

OP posts:
Original poster
ForLuckyReader · 14/03/2026 23:08

That’s obviously not including other expenses I have. There are multiple others.

His mortgage is £550 per month.

OP posts:
Original poster
ForLuckyReader · 14/03/2026 23:07

No!

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 14/03/2026 23:06

Your expenses are £350 a month? How much is his mortgage a month?

PeloMom · 14/03/2026 23:06

Do you pay anything towards the mortgage?

PollyBell · 14/03/2026 23:04

So you are happy for him to pay but you dont want too?