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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU? Costings and date nights

115 replies

ForLuckyReader · 14/03/2026 23:01

I’ll stick to the facts.
— I (28) have been living with DP (32) for about 8 months now. He owns the home via mortgage which he has had for 5 years.
— I pay half of bills which is £150 per month — I pay half of food shop which is £200 a month - 70% of which is food for DP.

DP never offers to pay for a date night, ever. It’s always split on Monzo - everything from coffee to a meal. I want to be taken out once in a while. It gives me the ick.

AIBU

OP posts:
Pearlyb · 15/03/2026 00:29

Look. You need to grow up. Provide for yourself, sort your own rent and bills, and food and that. Then date someone on a more equal footing, where they're not directly subsidising you. Then maybe it will be more reasonable to expect they take you out. By the way, even then it's acceptable that you reciprocate every now and again. It's not the 18th century you know.

Jeez.

Divebar2021 · 15/03/2026 00:21

Well done on qualifying as a Doctor… do you think you have all the necessary attributes to make a good one? If my partner was living rent free in my house and creating threads online to complain about me they’d be out on their ear. ( because you know what … it gives me the ick )

Vodka1 · 15/03/2026 00:15

You take him out and tell him he can get the next one?

If you take it in turns its no different to paying half anyway lol

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 15/03/2026 00:03

OnTheBoardwalk · 15/03/2026 00:02

Hmmm so where else do you think you can live for food, bills and rent for £350?

im sorry I tried not to rise to the post and failed

Grin
KoalaKoKo · 15/03/2026 00:03

I find it mad you guys only spend £400 a month on food and that you thinks only £120 of that is stuff you eat. Are you both super sensible? Also bills of only £300 is amazing - our water is £100 alone (South West Water), council tax £140ish - then we have electricity, gas, car etc… My partner eats far more than me but I might throw expensive berries, nuts and yoghurts into the shopping so it wouldn’t be 70:30.

Your partner does however sound like a miser! I couldn't live like that! Do you treat him ever or are you also a miser? Splitting is sensible for some stuff but we all want to treat and be treated - make someone feel special and feel special in return. I couldn’t be with someone who counts things down to the penny. Life is too short and money is an artificial construct which makes life easier but becomes meaningless if you don’t use it to live!

OnTheBoardwalk · 15/03/2026 00:02

Hmmm so where else do you think you can live for food, bills and rent for £350?

im sorry I tried not to rise to the post and failed

TwistedWonder · 15/03/2026 00:02

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 15/03/2026 00:01

You're the only doctor I know who doesn't own a home.

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And who has come out of university and medical training with no debts or loans plus having savings

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 15/03/2026 00:01

ForLuckyReader · 14/03/2026 23:46

Yes.. he pays all of his mortgage because.. it’s his house?! Just like when he sells, all the equity will be his and his only. I don’t own a home

You're the only doctor I know who doesn't own a home.

Viviennemary · 15/03/2026 00:00

Sounds like you have a very good deal here. Just rent or buy a place of your own if you're not happy. Or do what some other folk do. Find a rich man. Seem to be plenty around according to a lot of threads on here recently.

TwistedWonder · 14/03/2026 23:58

Anyone else hearing those Billy goats coming over the bridge?

gillefc82 · 14/03/2026 23:55

PollyBell · 14/03/2026 23:48

No but you can pay rent to him

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And by you paying him some rent for living in his house, he’ll have some disposable income left over each month after paying his mortgage and debts that he can potentially use to treat you to a date night….on him!!

Holdmybeermoment · 14/03/2026 23:51

ForLuckyReader · 14/03/2026 23:46

Yes.. he pays all of his mortgage because.. it’s his house?! Just like when he sells, all the equity will be his and his only. I don’t own a home

And you get to live for free instead of paying rent, which is what you should be doing. Yet you still want him to pay for dates? Because you don’t want to split 50/50 because… he has a penis. And you’re a delicate little flower.

PollyBell · 14/03/2026 23:48

ForLuckyReader · 14/03/2026 23:46

Yes.. he pays all of his mortgage because.. it’s his house?! Just like when he sells, all the equity will be his and his only. I don’t own a home

No but you can pay rent to him

Summerbay23 · 14/03/2026 23:46

You pay £350 a month for food, bills, rent?!?! That seems like a pretty good deal to me. I think you should be paying to take him out.

Original poster
ForLuckyReader · 14/03/2026 23:46

Yes.. he pays all of his mortgage because.. it’s his house?! Just like when he sells, all the equity will be his and his only. I don’t own a home

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 14/03/2026 23:43

MeganM3 · 14/03/2026 23:40

He sounds really stingy tbh. I’m not attracted to penny pinchers.
You might be happier not living together, and getting a sense of what he’s like then.
If you have the time for it. Personally a monzo request for the cost of a drink would be a firm Fuck Off from me & I’d find someone less stingy.

If he was a penny pincher he wouldn’t be housing her for free. She’s living in his house and he’s paying the entirety of the mortgage.

BauhausOfEliott · 14/03/2026 23:42

He’s paying off debts, you only give him £250 a month in total for everything, you calculate that he eats more food than you, and you’re accusing HIM of being tight?

If you were a man everyone would call you a cocklodger. He’s already massively subsidising you by charging you zero rent, so no, he shouldn’t be paying to ‘take you out’.

You’re a grown woman with a job - a doctor, according to your other post - not simpering sugar baby. Get a grip.

PollyBell · 14/03/2026 23:41

MeganM3 · 14/03/2026 23:40

He sounds really stingy tbh. I’m not attracted to penny pinchers.
You might be happier not living together, and getting a sense of what he’s like then.
If you have the time for it. Personally a monzo request for the cost of a drink would be a firm Fuck Off from me & I’d find someone less stingy.

Its all ok he is housing her

Browningpers · 14/03/2026 23:40

Posts like this are so fucking depressing. One hundred or so years of progress towards female emancipation, and we still have women who think it’s a man’s job to “take them out”.

No one takes me out. If DH and I go out together we either split it or he gets it one time and I get it the next.

The only exception to that would be a birthday when the meal is part of the gift.

That said, counting the pennies is a little bit much.

MeganM3 · 14/03/2026 23:40

He sounds really stingy tbh. I’m not attracted to penny pinchers.
You might be happier not living together, and getting a sense of what he’s like then.
If you have the time for it. Personally a monzo request for the cost of a drink would be a firm Fuck Off from me & I’d find someone less stingy.

HolidayPlanningAgain · 14/03/2026 23:39

In what world is half of the bills £150 a month? I didn’t pay so little 20yrs ago in my little 1 bed flat! I think need to move to wherever you live.. council tax, gas, electric, water, internet, insurance etc… is at least £700 a month in our house.
you are on easy street OP

Holdmybeermoment · 14/03/2026 23:35

ForLuckyReader · 14/03/2026 23:22

Never!! Or if he does.. I get a monzo request for half

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So move out and go pay rent somewhere.

PollyBell · 14/03/2026 23:33

Sunshineandrainbow · 14/03/2026 23:25

He is in debt what do you expect

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5503704-boyfriends-debt-gutted

So why on earth live with him still

NewZebra · 14/03/2026 23:27

ForLuckyReader · 14/03/2026 23:22

Never!! Or if he does.. I get a monzo request for half

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I honestly couldn’t live like that! So weird.

Aislyn · 14/03/2026 23:26

It sounds like you have a really good deal with regards to living arrangements: not paying for rent or mortgage. You must be able to save loads.

Always splitting 50% rather than treating each other does seem rather mean though.