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AIBU?

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Is this being complained at or just commenting

55 replies

Springiscomingyyyy · 08/03/2026 11:05

One day last week , came home to partner obviously in a mood . He tells me spend 20 mins cleaning kitchen after ‘ you and yours trashed it ‘ was taken back as I had been in kitchen that morning before work , so asked what he means . 1There was breakfast plates in counter above dishwasher , this is the same everyday as I am told I unload it too noisily when putting things away . 2. On the draining board there was stuff , I had taken out sandwich boxes from dishwasher and put them there to drip dry and I also washed potato ricer that had soaked over night . He said that was still dirty , never uses it so I would realise when next used , never uses sandwich boxes either .
3 two baking trays on hob , often they are as dishwasher on night before and not enough room .4 some green veg on floor so he had to mop floor .

This weekend he comes in and says it is too hot huffs and puffs . Me and visiting daughter and her boyfriend sat in our jeans . He flounces off and changes into shorts and says it’s too hot as have been playing with thermostat . I reply haven’t touched it for weeks .

this morning come back from shopping kitchen window wide open and I can’t reach it . I say that’s so wide I can’t touch it . He says daughter’s boyfriend practically set kitchen on fire he obviously doesn’t know what he is doing . Boyfriend 25 and was frying bacon and egg .

i say he is always complaining he says it’s not complaining just commenting.

Currently seeing a councillor as his family are just toxic .

is this complaining or am I just sensitive?

OP posts:
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MusicMakesItAllBetter · 10/03/2026 18:23

Springiscomingyyyy · 08/03/2026 15:00

It’s my house , I keep being told he has standards and he is only commenting. I am posting here to see if Aibu .Someone earlier said I would argue black is white .

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

I think I'd be saying something along the lines of:

If you don't like it, you can always do it yourself.

If you don't like it, you can always fuck off/you don't HAVE to live here....

Sorry if it's been asked already but what joy does he bring to the relationship?

The 'you and yours' comment is just plain nasty imo.

Personally I'd ltb.
I'm ltb at the moment and it's fucking hard. We have two DC, nearly 12 and 8 and I know they want us to be together but after 16 years where I've tried and tried and given chance after chance; I'm so unhappy in the relationship and the thought of intimacy gives me the ick.
I don't love him romantically but I recently gave him 'a final chance ' 🫣
3-6 months but I don't think I can do one month 🫣

Anyway I digress.

You are not being unreasonable lovely.
Fuck him off and have a peaceful life 💖

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 10/03/2026 18:13

BlueMum16 · 08/03/2026 11:30

I agree it's a bit moany/complaining but my dad did this all the time. It was just his way to moan all the time but didn't mean harm or directed at anyone.

His issue seems more around the other people - does DD and her BF live with you? Is your DP her dad? Is this a dynamic of blended families and DP resentful of other adults?

Visiting DD

ShakeNCake · 09/03/2026 20:39

OP i've been in this exact position, and others who haven't are incredulous. If you put them in the dishwasher it will be done wrong, if you hand wash them and put them away it will be too loud, but if you leave them on the side you're making a mess. You cannot win, and in the end you second guess absolutely everything. My Ex actually said to me "don't use your intuition because its always wrong. If you think something is a good idea, do the opposite". Its not worth walking on eggshells. Life can be easier than this!

Horses7 · 09/03/2026 20:18

Male menopause or he just doesn’t like living with people who leave veg on the floor etc etc.

Nettie1964 · 09/03/2026 18:11

Ex was just like this, after 25 years whatever I did was wrong too noisy not good enough. He was being chatted up by a woman who looked like a bulldog. He was really ugly but I think I validated him. Left him they lasted 2 weeks.

LLJETO · 08/03/2026 17:18

OptiMumm · 08/03/2026 13:18

How's he even going to know unless she's deliberately slamming cupboards?

Come on.

Maybe he doesn’t actually know but is just being controlling.

Springiscomingyyyy · 08/03/2026 15:47

5128gap · 08/03/2026 15:20

Has he lived with you long OP? Because there's a difference if this is two people relatively new to dealing with each others standards, and a person in a long term relationship suddenly starting to get annoyed about things that have always been an issue.
If its the first, then it may be teething troubles and you both need to be a bit more tolerant and open to compromise. However if he's just suddenly started having a go about things he didn't before, it might be a passive aggressive way of causing a row because there are other issues at play.

It’s a newish development he is definitely turning into a grumpy old man -59 and now I am thinking who wants to live like this ?

OP posts:
5128gap · 08/03/2026 15:20

Has he lived with you long OP? Because there's a difference if this is two people relatively new to dealing with each others standards, and a person in a long term relationship suddenly starting to get annoyed about things that have always been an issue.
If its the first, then it may be teething troubles and you both need to be a bit more tolerant and open to compromise. However if he's just suddenly started having a go about things he didn't before, it might be a passive aggressive way of causing a row because there are other issues at play.

Bertiebiscuit · 08/03/2026 15:18

He sounds like a grumpy old git - is he menopausal 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Trusttheawesomeness · 08/03/2026 15:13

Are you married? Is he the kid’s dad? How long have you been with him?

Just trying to get an understanding as to why you’ve stayed with him, because he sounds very controlling and he is pretty much the reason you leave the kitchen a mess, if you’re not “allowed” to tidy unless it’s his way when it suits him.

Just a side note - I can’t ever remember a time when my partner has said I’m not allowed to do something. You do realise that it’s not really how adults in a healthy relationship speak to one another, yes?

Applecup · 08/03/2026 15:10

So it’s your house? You aren’t married I assume and the kids are yours? Seriously why are you with this utter knob? Get rid of him.

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 08/03/2026 15:05

Springiscomingyyyy · 08/03/2026 15:00

It’s my house , I keep being told he has standards and he is only commenting. I am posting here to see if Aibu .Someone earlier said I would argue black is white .

Why are you with him?

Springiscomingyyyy · 08/03/2026 15:00

It’s my house , I keep being told he has standards and he is only commenting. I am posting here to see if Aibu .Someone earlier said I would argue black is white .

OP posts:
Duvetdayneeded · 08/03/2026 14:57

Why are you with him? Whose house is it?

Springiscomingyyyy · 08/03/2026 14:14

Just went into kitchen , dishwasher empty but he has left his lunch dishes on counter and must of been there for an hr . It’s the hypocrisy that I find annoying.

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 08/03/2026 13:57

Springiscomingyyyy · 08/03/2026 12:09

For breakfast dishes I can’t put them away as he says sound of cupboards can be heard in bedroom , I can’t wash them up as he hates draining board as says dishes not clean so I do leave them next to full clean washer .

Then ask him what he wants you to do. The usual noise of tidying the kitchen at breakfast time is expected. His choice is, you empty the dishwasher, or you leave it for him to do when he is up. He can’t have it both ways.

Createausername1970 · 08/03/2026 13:56

I am not sure.

Is OP clattering around the kitchen when unloading the dishwasher? I unload mine first thing and I make an effort to do it quietly as we live in a bungalow (and I am sometimes disturbed by my son clattering in the kitchen at odd hours as he works shifts and his eating pattern can be out of sync with ours) so I try to keep the clattering to a minimum as I know it can be heard. It all gets unload, wiped over if necessary and put away with very little noise or drama.

What time was boyfriend in kitchen? Was it early and he woke DH up? Was he generally being noisy and messy and letting the smell waft through? If one of us is frying then we usually shut the kitchen door and put the extractor hood on. We might also open a window.

It could be DH being a moany arse, or he could getting annoyed for valid reasons.

SpringIsSpringing2026 · 08/03/2026 13:49

OptiMumm · 08/03/2026 13:06

This idea appears to be too radical for all the adults in the house.

The problem is the poor level of reading comprehension

SpringIsSpringing2026 · 08/03/2026 13:46

OptiMumm · 08/03/2026 13:17

Oh don't be silly.

Close the cupboards normally and no-one's waking up.

I've a feeling if we said black you'd say white for the sake of it.

It would wake me Someone (quietly)making a hot drink wakes me up.

it is not 'silly' to not be you.

SpringIsSpringing2026 · 08/03/2026 13:43

Stillsmellingit · 08/03/2026 13:21

Re read your posts OP. There's so many "he doesn't like me doing....." He sounds like a controlling moany arsehole. Apart from that everyone should chip in to keep the kitchen clean. I guess by the "you and yours" comment the dcs are your children or he sees himself as seperate from the rest of the family. Again, arsehole.

Yep complete arse, she just needs to get rid of him.

SpringIsSpringing2026 · 08/03/2026 13:41

Bonkers1966 · 08/03/2026 13:37

He sounds like a whiner but more importantly he sounds like a man who doesn't want your daughter or her boyfriend in the house. His house? Your house?

It doesn't really matter whose house it is when they're both living there. The daughter & boyfriend were only visiting.

i hope it's her house & she can just tell him to leave 🤞🏼

SpringIsSpringing2026 · 08/03/2026 13:39

OptiMumm · 08/03/2026 13:18

How's he even going to know unless she's deliberately slamming cupboards?

Come on.

He's complained about it, so she's stopped unloading the dishwasher in the morning. He's just creating issues then moaning. He's a bellend.

Bonkers1966 · 08/03/2026 13:37

He sounds like a whiner but more importantly he sounds like a man who doesn't want your daughter or her boyfriend in the house. His house? Your house?

Springiscomingyyyy · 08/03/2026 13:36

OptiMumm · 08/03/2026 13:18

How's he even going to know unless she's deliberately slamming cupboards?

Come on.

Apparently the noise travels up the walls , I am not slamming anything

OP posts: