Son won't move out!

I'd imagine having him sleeping on the sofa is annoying and inconvenient. I'd get a bed and install it in the spare room and give him an ultimatum: he moves in there, or he leaves.

I'm personally dreading the day my son leaves home - my heart will break!

If I were you, I would get a bed for the spare room - odd that you don't have a spare bed anyway, but get one and then tell him that he must use it. I wouldn't like my son sleeping on the sofa but that would be so that he could get some quality sleep rather than anything else.

Ah yes I read the bit where she said if he isn't working he plays games all day and thought he didn't work. Apologies!!

I can’t believe hes not found anywhere else! You need to tell him he has till end of March to find somewhere and stick to your guns. You can’t have him living on your sofa.

No she's not but she made it clear that him moving in with them wasnt an option when he split with his ex - and he moved in - it's pretty obvious this wasn't going to go smoothly

Presumably the OP is not happy with the situation or she wouldn’t be posting on here!
Maybe not paying anything isn’t the specific reason why she’s fed up but it may be a combination of things, and dictating that you want to sleep on the sofa along with playing video games all day when not working is clearing irritating the OP

He didn't cheat. She wanted to get married and he hadn't proposed

Some families are happy not to charge their adult kids rent

The parents could have said no to him moving back considering the OP said in her other posts him moving back in wasn't an option

He could however get off the fucking sofa, have some respect for his parents and use the spare room today if he really wanted to.

The fact he hasn't really is the issue here, not so much the moving home bit.

agree. op's previously posted about her son. his ex wanted to get married, op's son wasn't bothered, so his ex ended things and asked him to move out as it was her place.

op's son then had a big panic when he realised that he was losing his nice place to live, offered to get married after all. fortunately his ex seems to have a good sense of her own value and told him to bog off. hence why he is now on the sofa at the parental home.

op's own role in this, was to want to go and "talk sense" into her son's ex. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5460505-son-dumped-by-girlfriend-because-i-hadnt-proposed

But she won't do anything about it. Nor even insist he gets out of the living room.

He has a job, he's earning. He could be looking for rooms in shared houses.

Instead, he's dossing at his mam's, hoping his ex girlfriend will want him back by some miracle.

My husband is his father yes, but is very hard on him.

Translation - he isn't as soft on him as I am. DH actually expects DS to behave like an adult. I talk the talk but when it comes to it don't walk the walk.

He is working. The OP states this in the first post

How old is he? Why isn't he working? That's the first thing to do is get him working and paying you a bit of rent?
I'd set him up with a mattress on the spare room.
Get a plan for him working and saving up a rent deposit etc. then set a date for him to leave!

She doesn't want him in their home - she made it clear on the previous posts that he couldn't stay with them

Sorry but that's what you think is appropriate. Not everyone would charge their adult kids market rate for a room. In my area it's around 400 pounds. In other places it would be 800-900.

Some family would want that and others would be happy with a contribution

I also think the OP needs to be realistic on the time frame of him moving. If he does find a flat or a spare room somewhere it's going to take a week or two to find something - view it etc and then you are competing with other people who are also interested..

The OP did say in her previous post that he couldn't return home. If you want rent from him tell him

I think it was that he wouldn't commit to his girlfriend so she dumped him and the OP wanted to "talk some sense into her," god help her.

At all points she makes excuses for him and regards any boundaries from her husband as harsh.

I love having my adult sons live here, but I wouldn't if they were dossing on the couch in the living room and hogging the TV for gaming.

You or your DH , or both, need to sit down with him and remind him that the sofa surfing was until January.

It’s almost March. He moves into the spare room. Along with his gaming.

Thereafter, assuming he makes a reasonable wage / is working full time, you remind him he needs to pay his way.

State your boundaries, clearly. He’s an adult, he will cope.

Is he just using you as a hotel.
Has he used you in the past!
If he is staying he needs to contribute towards his keep at Market Rate.

Food, share of bills etc.Do his own washing and ironing. He is not a child

I think she is that poster, yes.

But surely you want more for her. Its not normal for adults in their 30s to still be living at home with no plans to move out and start their own life

@OneGreenPoster are you the poster who’s son cheated on his girlfriend when he lived in her flat? If yes could you be holding some resentment to your son making the situation worse?

Why do you want him out so quickly? I have 3 kids and they know, the door is always open for them if they need us. He must feel so welcome knowing you can't wait for him to go. He may not be telling you everything and is hoping they may reconcile, so doesn't want to rent anywhere, or buy just in case. Do you know if he has those hopes? It is early days and he will sort himself out given time