To not want to marry because of all the stress of a wedding?

In your position my preference would be to elope abroad. A lovely holiday with an intimate wedding. ceremony thrown in. A lot of places organise everything for you. You just turn up with your choice of outfit and no/few guests as you prefer. Also I know two couples who just chose the most basic ceremony at the registry office and didn’t tell anyone until afterwards.

I had a biggish wedding. I enjoyed all the planning. It was more exiting than stressful.

I just did registry office with 2 witnesses for this exact reason. If it pisses people off, they honestly need to get a life haha. Its only as big and as splashy as YOU make it. or else dont get married- it doesn't really sound like either of you want to?

That’s pretty much what we did too.

Then took over a restaurant for a big party for close friends when we got home.

My sister and her partner invited both sets of parents to a posh lunch and then surprised them by going to the registry office first.

we didn't want the hassle or organising so eloped to the Caribbean & married on the beach, the hotel security guard & events co-ordinator were our witnesses & it couldn't have been more perfect

We had been together 17 years and had 2 kids before we got married. We weren’t fussed before but once my eldest started school I found that I wanted the same name as them and also that being a Miss and having a “partner” made people assume he wasn’t the kids dad.

Anyway I booked a holiday to Greece just the 4 of us and then added on the wedding package. We told people a few days before we left.

The hotel wedding organiser did everything - all I had to do was buy a dress (wasn’t a traditional wedding dress) and it was absolute perfection, on the beach with a lovely dinner after.

Never regretted it for a moment and although Im sure some of the family were disappointed at the time they got over it.

I wouldn't assume marriage will make you worse off. You're a higher earner now, doesn't mean you always will be.

We’re planning on getting married this year after 16 years together and like you don’t want the fuss of a big wedding . We’re having the kids and mums to a registry office the a meal afterwards followed by a friends party the following day in a local pub , the bonus is i get to wear my fancy dress twice .
maybe that’s the way you could go .

I'm quite type A (also have diagnosed anxiety and OCD, so...) and was worried about this with my wedding, but to give you an alternative point of view I actually really enjoyed the planning. I didn't at first and ended up making some poor choices but I realised pretty quickly that my main anxiety was around one particular 'friend' judging me. As it happens, we don't speak any more and she wasn't invited in the end. Possibly worth unpacking whether there's something in particular like that putting pressure on you? I knew she would judge my dress, my decor, my band etc and it was getting to me. I have no doubt that some of the other guests also judged, but I don't care about their opinions so that wouldn't bother me. I absolutely loved my dress and decor etc and the photos are beautiful. Yes they'll probably date (although we avoided anything too faddy) but I'm really glad we did it.

Could you marry privately and host a 1 year anniversary party? Avoids the dress, chair cover, invitation faff.

Just do it quietly and tell them when you get back ! Maybe have a party

We had a very small wedding due to budget constraints and also my fear of being the centre of attention and stressed. I have a very large family but we only had 16 people at our wedding and then we all went for a meal afterwards. It was lovely and very relaxed and many years later I am still glad we did it like that. I would recommend similar!

I had the bare minimum - registry office and just 2 family witnesses.Then nice meal afterwards for 6 of us. Low stress. Low cost.

Well, don't do it that way. Have it as low-key as you like, immediate family and a couple of close friends each, nice meal in a good pub.

i can empathise with your post so much. I hate weddings . I hate being the centre of attention. I had a wedding because my husband wanted one but it was quite small and low key. If I had my way it would have been registry office and something smaller

Sorry - just to be clear - I liked DPs family at first till I was frequently ignored so now I’m quite happy to just get married. I will also make it clear to them that they make zero effort with us if they ask why.

We are eloping! Same as you - don’t want the stress (or expense) of a wedding. DP has a huge family - I’m the bigger earner so will end up footing most of the bill for his family who we hardly see to essentially attend for a party. I also don’t like many of them and have always been made to feel a bit like an outsider since DP is divorced, kids are with ex wife etc and it’s always been that I’m generally ignored at any family events. They even have the audacity to often bring up ex wife in conversation. So sorry but I’m not paying for a huge wedding to keep his family happy.

We have a wedding planner organising our elopement. Other than supplying the necessary documents, getting marriage license etc, we’ve little to organise.

Im at the point of not caring what family or friends think. Quite honestly my opinion is if you aren’t organising it or paying for it then your opinion does not matter to me. And I cant wait!

Elope or go to the registry office. It doesn't matter what anyone else says/thinks/wants. You aren't marrying them.

Because the lower earner in a committed relationship doesn't deserve stability and security? FFS.

We reframed it as throwing a big party - the wedding was incidental. 80 guests, hired a restaurant out that had a garden. Drinks before hand, wish we'd spent a bit more on booze behind the bar. Had a DJ. Had a photographer but in retrospect wish we hadn't. I'm not bothered by fashion so wasn't particurlarly bothered by what I work - if you like fashion - by something you really want to wear. If you love food - splash out on that.

It was relativley unstressful (his second wedding, I was old) so it was good fun really.

We used the restaurant flowers - no hen do, cut down on flowers - I had a bouquet done by local garden centre that was all wildflowers.

I couldn't be bothered to organise a big do so just went to registry office with friends and had a few small gatherings with family after.
I think my MIL was annoyed but she was the reason we didn't want family there. She wouldn't have been happy whatever we did, if she wasn't the centre of attention. My parents weren't bothered.

I’m a huge introvert and while happy to get married just didn’t want the whole fuss of a wedding, but also knew that family (mostly my ex’s) would expect it.

In the end we had a summer registry wedding (in England). Followed immediately by a buffet lunch for immediate family (around 15) in our home. That was then followed by a big party with our friends. We were able to use our garden for a BBQ.

I didn’t have a hen night, nor bridesmaids, nor wedding dress nor flowers etc, etc, etc. it felt very low key and casual and there was little stress that it seems a lot of weddings cause.

I thought I would hate being the centre of attention on the day, but everyone is so truly happy for you and there is so much love coming your way - that you do truly enjoy the day.

We didn't want a wedding either, so we didn't have one. We got married on a rainy morning at a registry office and then went for a nice lunch just the two of us.

We did it after a decade together because after my partner suffered a serious health issue (thankfully he's OK now) we realised we needed to pull our fingers out and get it sorted, to make things easier for the surviving partner and our family when one of us inevitably dies or possibly is hospitalised. It's valuable to be the legal next of kin.

Or we could break up, but we're not planning to!

We never told anyone in real life so nobody is offended. But frankly if we do decide to tell people at some point they can bugger off if they want to be offended about it.

Perhaps read the first line of the OP where OP says she knows she will be worse off financially by being married and doesn't need the legal protection from it?

My boss got married in his lunch hour with two witnesses pulled out of the registry office waiting room.

First we knew of it was an email at 3pm inviting us all down the pub after work to celebrate it.

You do not need a big stressful wedding.