To have a baby with a man i dont love

Anonymous sperm donors are not a thing anymore and every single parent who has a child does so to fulfil their own wants.

She already has a child with him
though. This is a quicker, easier and cheaper sperm donor.

Also if he is a shit dad now when they are together I doubt her child will have that much in contact with him.

I think if she does not do it she will always regret missing another chance for a child.

The law in the UK now means donors have to be non-anonymous. The child is entitled to all their personal information when they are 18, and they can meet if that’s something they want to do. There is also a law in the UK (if you do things by the book or at a clinic) that means one donor cannot create more than 10 families. Parents can find their kids’ half-siblings on the donor sibling network. My best friend has a lovely family with two mums & two donor-conceived kids. The kids have 5 half-siblings in various European countries and they’ve been in contact since the kids were babies. They have a big meet up every year at one of their houses and all the kids have a great time. The Half-siblings are a really positive thing in their lives. It’s annoying when other people judge and preach about the ways in which other people choose to have kids, as though their way is the only “correct” way to do it. Mum, dad, 2.4 children. It’s getting old.

If she doesn’t have fertility problems it’s unlikely to cost thousands and thousands and come a great emotional cost. She should get pregnant fairly quickly, as the success rate is much higher than trying naturally or doing IUI. Every lesbian couple I know that used IVF to have kids (and who didn’t have any fertility issues) got pregnant first time and most were mid-late 30s. How old are you @ComeAtMe ?

And all this "do IVF" comments. IVF costs thousands of pounds and comes a great emotional cost to a person. The success rate drops as you get older and given that the OP has a child, she'll need to do this privately. And what if the first, or 2nd round fails. She could be potentially spending tens of thousands of pounds on something that doesn't even work. Money that could be used for her existing child.

Children can thrive in single parent households and of course being raised by a single parent is better than being raised in an unhappy, unloving marriage or in situations where there is high conflict or abuse.

But most of these issues happen after a person has had kids with their partner. The OP clearly states her husband is sexist and uncaring and yet still choosing to have a baby with someone with those attributes. The baby will still have a relationship with the father, they'll still be witness to these qualities with their father and grow up with them. Divorce and being split between two households impacts children even when it is for the best.

There are also multiple stories online and even on this forum alone from people who are donor concieved. About the impact it has on them not knowing who their biological father is. Or being cut off from one side of their biological connections. Or wondering how many siblings they have.

Yet all this gets forgotten about because it seems to many people that the mums desire for more children comes above all else regardless of the consequences for the children.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/AMA/3718785-I-am-the-child-of-a-sperm-donor-AMA

There are known issues affecting children of anonymous sperm donors. It's not just about the mother's wants.

Doesn’t change what I said. Others have suggested she leave him and do IVF. What’s the difference?

Lots of women solo parent - why is it an issue now?

Don't most people who have kids do it because of what THEY want?

Unlikely if he has no interest in taking care of the first child

Are yo u really OK with having obligatory sex a few times a month every month in the hope of getting pregnant, possibly for years?

Literally "dude I'm ovulating, go have a wabk to clear it the old sperm and then you get sex twice to see if you can Impregnante me" whisky you lie back and think of Jason Mamoa?

All kids would rather be alive than not? So why not have twenty with him. Your eggs aren't sentient beings waiting for the lifespark of his magical sperm! There is no baby that would otherwise be dead if you don't do this.

He's sexist and lazy. That isn't good Dad material.

Leave, raise you kid and IF you meet a DECENT man then think about having another child

I don't know if I am suprised, you see it all the time on here. It seems a women's desire and need for another baby comes above all else, even above the needs of her existing children or future children. There was just a thread last about a mum who had fallen pregnant and already had four children and was in am abusive relationship. People were almost unanimous in saying for her to keep the baby and dump the husband. Some even suggesting that her teenage children would help out. Because that's what is in the best interests of the baby and her other children, being a single mum to 5 children and teenagers who should be sitting their exams or seeing their friends, having this disrupted by a newborn baby.

And I never get the posters who are just so blase about just having IVF with a sperm donor. If the OP already has a child, then she's going to have shell out thousands for IVF, which comes with all sorts of side effects when she has another child to look after. There's also never any acknowledgement by these posters either on the people who are born by donor egg/sperm. It can cause all sorts of mental health issues for people who have no biological connection or knowledge of half of their dna.

oh yes and that would be just lovely for the child wouldn't it?

Go for it hun.....

Seem to be a few of those on Mumsnet. They seem to think having a baby is always a good idea however unfavourable the potential mother’s circumstances.

Honestly OP you sound very immature. Children don't get a choice in the matter whether they are born or not, so this idea that they should be grateful or thankful to you for their existence is ludicrous. They don't owe you anything and it's a ridiculous way to try and justify bringing them into an unloving and unhappy marriage.

It's completely naive to think they wouldn't be impacted in some way by either being brought up in an unhappy marriage or being split between two parents. Yes you want a big family but sadly we don't always get what we want in life and childen shouldn't have to pay the price for this.

As for being a single mum of 3, I imagine you'd find the reality of this a very different experience from what you dream of. Ask any single mum of 3 and most would say it isn't a situation they would have actively chose. How on earth would you be able to meet 3 individual's needs on your own with no back up?

What's one more? It's a human being, not a biscuit.

She already has a child and is already going to be a single mother. What’s one more? If she left and used a sperm donor IVF it would be the same situation.

But why prolong it? Not only will she have to coparent for longer, she'll have to stay in the marriage long enough to get pregnant, carry the pregnancy to term and give birth, recover from birth (with a partner who doesn't help) and set up a new home, childcare arrangements etc.

I haven’t rtft but I probably would. You’re already tied to this man long term because of your existing child, who will value a sibling. But you should also definitely leave him and not expose both kids to this dysfunctional relationship and sexist man.

I have a friend who did something similar - accidental pregnancy with a bf who was not serious. Had the baby, split up with bf. Wanted a sibling for the baby so effectively persuaded ex-bf to be a “natural” sperm donor for dc2 2 years later. She brought both kids up alone and everyone very happy. Kids see their dad occasionally and have a relationship with him.

This is complex; a lot to consider.
Is there anything, a course, counselling etc, that could bring back the old lovable DH?
Ask him to reinvent himself when you have the new baby.
His parents are sweet, you say, why is he behaving like a dick?
Could he never improve, be proud of your achievements and be there as a loving husband and father to two children?

If he is a kind and good father, why would you want to plan to separate him from your kids?
Your personality might not be exactly as patient as it is now, once you are the only parent in the home. Your husband's parenting presence might be a positive factor that you are over looking.

As an only child with a broken family I always wished for a sibling so that I could just be a child and have some fun. Only children are often treated as adults. In your shoes I would have one more, but just one.

If he’s sexist and you have a daughter is he good enough to raise her?

I’ve found the love I have for my child eclipses the love I have for my partner. My partner became abusive after our child was born. He has settled down a lot but his behaviour is still awful.

I do everything for my child - but my partner provides financially. If I were a single mother I would hardly see my child as I would have to work. I would also have to split custody time and I don’t think my child would be safe.

I think you need to consider what type of financial contributions your husband will make in future. If he can’t financially provide then just end it now. You would also need to consider that you will have less time with your children.

when he takes he/she EOW. But it is VERY rarely that easy. Not best for the child though cos you’re knowingly bringing he/she into a separated family which is extremely selfish

@Fancycrab it's him/her you numpty.