I can't tell if it is lovely that my dad has this friend, or concerning?

Not seeing the problem. You keep saying ‘every time’ on other posts too, and that’s clearly not the case. Does this post indicate you’ve accepted that?

When I read your thread title I thought I might be quite suspicious of the relationship, but having read your posts, I'm not. He's 70 not 90, and has plenty of friends. He sees an old student once a fortnight. She doesn't seem to have done anything odd or unusual, and as you say you have no reason to think she has bad intentions. Be glad he has another friend.

I did an MA with a professor I really liked and would love to still be in touch with her, but sadly she died some time ago. But at nearly 70 I am still perfectly capable of choosing my friends and gauging their intentions, without anyone having to worry about me.

Does everyone who thinks intergenerational friendships are inherently suspect only value their friends for their looks, or only have an interest in whatever is unique to their particular stage of life? Do you not enjoy talking about books, or politics, or anything other than a very narrow range of age specific preoccupations? You’re missing out on the different perspectives that growing up in different eras brings as well, talking to people a few decades older or younger broadens your perspective. Many older people have travelled pre-internet, done interesting jobs, seen long gone aspects of the world, been to countries that no longer exist, made discoveries or written books, brought up children… why would you preemptively decide there’s nothing to base a friendship on unless you have the exact same number of wrinkles and grey hairs?

Maybe all innocent but i think its a bit odd that someone who is 25 is taking such an interest in an old man.

She was his student. Presumably she respected and admired him.

"he told me she was one of the last students he taught and they have remained friends, she has taken a job instead of pursuing a PHD right now so they enjoy some intellectual sparring."

I know of 3 elderly people who gave away property in their Wills to much younger people who befriended them in their 70s.

Disinheriting their own family.

2 were gardeners and one a businessman.

Maybe all innocent but i think its a bit odd that someone who is 25 is taking such an interest in an old man.

Oh give over. I bought all of my supervisors books when I finished my degrees as a thank you present, they were all over the moon and I have also received some books and things like flowers and chocolates from supervisees. It’s a completely normal thing to do, like getting a colleague who is leaving a gift or even a teacher at school. It doesn’t mean they want to fuck me or want to run away with my non-existent savings.

I have also given a couple of books away when it made sense to I.e when I’ve had meetings with students and they have been expressing a desire to express x in their work and I have a book on my shelf that fits perfectly.

Academics and former students have friendships and it’s allowed. I still talk to my PhD supervisor and meet for coffee occasionally too.

Agree with this.

70 not that old these days really. My parents only really started to decline a bit after 80. They were fit and well up until then.

Academics deal with all of those things. Scams exist in every realm of life and it’s you that is naive and detached to think that they don’t. A very common one in academia is unsolicited emails from predatory journals. Departments run on realpolitik as much as anywhere else, an academic career these days is sadly a constant competitive scramble for money. And not sure what the relevance of twenty year olds not knowing what bins are but dealing with students who struggling or are experiencing culture shock is certainly a big part of the job.

As is having enriching interesting conversations with people of all ages, and staying in touch with past colleagues and students because of a shared interest.

A very similar situation. Must be an epidemic of cross age friendship in London

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5412532-aunts-friendship-with-young-couple

Yea but what indicates a scam other than age with this is? Nothing. A presumably very intelligent man is living his life.

Also agree with a previous poster, there was an exact same story a few months ago with an Italian couple and an aunt I think

I think that if I showed this thread to my parents they wouldn’t be too happy about the perception some posters have about those into their 70s
From what OP has told us there’s no indication that her dad is in any way vulnerable, other than he has lost of a bit of confidence when going out. There won’t be many people into their 8th decade who aren’t at all concerned about their safety when out and about, so I’m not sure that this is an indicator that he is vulnerable and could be taken advantage off. That said, those out to befriend and defraud are extremely clever and no matter how savvy and intelligent people may think they are, no one is immune to their scheming ways so I can understand her worry even though nothing she’s told us about the relationship so far would be a red flag for me
Because her and her sister live so far away it’s hard to know how much they really know about their dad’s day to day life, the other friends he has and his finances etc. but bearing in mind what he’s told her about his friend, trying to engineer a meeting with her and her partner as some have suggested would be a step too far for me. I’d just voice my concerns with him directly in a chatty way and try and keep a discreet eye out for any further developments

Dont forget the “charming partner” of the 25year old.that visits regularly

You miss the point completely

You talk of all the things you do in your job. So you have a job which I presume you have been in for years… and you have meetings with people who I presume are not unintelligent.

In your job do you ever deal with people who are scammers and thieves or have you ever been asked what a bin is by a uk born English speaking 20 year old or what is a passport or why do we need forks.

You talk of visiting a former lecturer. Do you go every fortnight and your dh or bf goes with you to visit every single time? If not then this isn’t the same

My point was that there are some people who don’t understand there are people out there who don’t think the same way or act the same way as they do and it’s that inability to see what people are really like or what is or isn’t normal

Giving away a rare book like it was nothing is just being blasé with money and gifts they haven’t had to struggle earning or attaining
.

I’m 70 odd now and I’ve still got my marbles and I have friends of all ages. I remember (yep, I do remember) when I was in my 20s I loved talking, socialising, listening to people (male and female) in their 70s. I loved their knowledge, wit, sense of humour, wisdom and sense of irreverence. Nobody ever as far as I know ever questioned my friendships or suspected me of ulterior motifs eg after their money etc

... and?

He is 70 and she is 25.

Definitely worth keeping a careful eye out.
A friend of mine runs a befriending service for a charity and she's had at least one volunteer who they had to deal with as she was asking the elderly person for financial help.

My dad (aged late 80s) is friends with another elderly neighbour who is housebound . This neighbours son came to visit his parent and went for a pint with my dad. Dad mentioned this at the time and I thought, that sounds nice.

More recently dad let slip that this chap actually asked him for a few grand . Dad didn't give it, thankfully..

And me. After my late husband died, I gave someone I know very well, a book of DHs that is worth a few bob, but I knew that person would just enjoy owning the book. My adult kids didn't want it, so I'm happy to have given it away.

Sitting here now feeling that I'm cognitively in decline .....not. 😂

I don't think going from Aberdeen to London can be regarded as 'popping' and Cornwall probably isn't much better.

If they think he is vulnerable and subject to scamming then they need to be the ones popping in, as he doesn’t think there is anything wrong

Because they have interests in common and not everyone is so judgemental and limited in their approach to others as you appear to be?

Right?

I can't believe what I'm reading. I'm 37, so quite a bit to go until 70. But the entitlement and patronising attitude from some here is staggering. Get a power of attorney! Check his bank statements! Move him closer to you! Like he's some sort of a pet or a small child.

OP has zero right to do any of these things. Her dad is 70, not 100, and in possession of all his marbles so far (as per OP). He can be friends with whomever he wants, and she can do diddly squat about it.

If my daughter tries to check my bank statements or dictate my friendships in the future, I'll tell her where to go and what to do when she gets there.

Simply unbelievable.

And you need someone to regularly check your bank account…..

Routine Mumsnet ageism again. It does piss me off.