Son dumped by gf -update

I agree. Also in OPs original post, she months ago asked not for a proposal but if he wanted to marry her.. and what his timeline was. She didnt impose hers.

He said he wasnt doing anything as silly as having a timeline. She just patiently waited, despite being sad about it for "months" he made no attempt to propose or discuss what he wanted in terms of a future and when. She didnt give an ultimatum. It just got to a point where the not knowing if theyd ever get married was untenable. And ended it.

Hes absolutely entitled to feel how he did about marriage, hes entitled to not have a timeline. Shes entitled to decide that makes them incompatible and leave. And the person you quoted suggesting she could have had another conversation.. and said what? Other than actually pressurising him? Or giving him an ultimatum? And inevitably feeling rejected again?

Its sad hes sad. But sounds like she wasnt as happy as he was.

Yep. Me too .

What? or she may have just found her spine. Good for her.

Yup, that almost happened to me. Bastard "Peter Pan" men who won't commit but like the easy life of stringing a woman along.

I applaud the ex-girlfriend - I wish I'd had her foresight!

I know its bad to bottle things up, and lovely that OPs son can share things with his Mum but as a partner I wouldn't feel attracted to a man of 30 that gave his parents a blow by blow account of our relationship breakdown then came accompanied by his Dad to collect his things from my home...I wouldn't relish the prospect of a MIL that felt the inclination to phone up and meddle either.

Perhaps the OPs son has over-shared on occasions in the past ...its not a good look and as a partner id feel my privacy had been invaded.

I’m imagining the GF as the Jennifer aniston character in that film the Break Up and ops son is Vince Vaughn. She carries the whole relationship then can go no further with it and walks away.

Depends on the wider context, and whether the conversation he reported to his mother reflected the conversation they actually had. I doubt this was the only issue she had with the relationship, or the only conversation she’d at least attempted to have.

I have a friend that also received a panic proposal from an ex that thought she wanted to marry him. She didn’t. She mentioned his lack of desire to marry as one example of a general lack of drive, along with a lack of desire to improve his career prospects, to go on holiday, or to do just about anything that necessitated effort on his part. Instead of hearing ‘I need to sort my life out and do something with it’, he heard ‘she wants to get married!’.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the conversation OP’s son and his ex had was similar. A man you find attractive when you’re 24 isn’t necessarily going to be the same man you find attractive at 27, especially if he’s spent the majority of the time stagnating on your couch.

Leaving a relationship doesn’t require having someone else lined up in advance. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she now wants to enjoy being free and single for a while.

I know quite a few people who probably wish they had done what op has done at her age. Instead of which they wasted precious time on men who just weren’t committed to them. I know a guy from from uni days who stayed with a woman for years and years without fully committing. When she was getting too old for kids he left to marry a lovely young woman with whom he had several children and a great marriage. It was painful to watch the first woman growing older and more disillusioned as she finally realised what was on the cards.

Yes it doesn't sound like a sudden conversation. More like she was asking if they had a future together, he was avoiding the conversation for some reason or other, she asked him outright. He said he wasn't going to discuss it, it wasn't good enough for her, so she left. It was obviously on her mind that he wasn't really committed to the relationship and in her mind, she got her answer. If he was committed to her, why not say?

It's so common, these guys think they can just coast

Especially if - as here - they have mummy in their ear, telling them "she might struggle to meet anyone else"

There's nothing new about mums thinking their much loved lads are something special, but disrespecting other women in order to back up the point doesn't seem terribly healthy

What do you think the “something deeper” could be here?

If the OP’s son goes out over Christmas or New Year and gets with someone will that be a distraction to get over the relationship or will it be proof that he never really loved her anyway.

It is interesting to see the lenses through which a woman’s actions are viewed so as to always be wrong. Stay in the relationship and you’re weak and pathetic; end the relationship and you are cold/never really loved; and if you are the dumped one then who’d ever want you anyway.

I think you may be projecting with the “her head has been turned” narrative. She seems to me to have behaved in an open hearted and honest way throughout the relationship, and OP’s son took that for granted, and didn’t appreciate it at all.
I think she deserved better, and my guess is she is clearing the pitch to allow better in her life sometimes in 2026. I get a total of zero vibes that there is someone in the wings, convenient as that would be for OP.

In the real world three years is a perfectly respectable time to be seriously discussing your future and has always been seen as normal. Only on MN is it looked at as barely more than a fling.

It does seem odd that some people are interpreting a person wanting to marry their live in partner means they must have met someone else? Illogical as Mr Spock would say.

Her second post says Should obviously say he hasn't proposed. She didn't use the word typo but I assumed that was what happened. It was a mistake.

Quite. Some people may think 3 years is not long but what information don’t you have after dating and living together for 3 years? Then you move on to the next relationship and they’re not sure after 3 years either and next thing you know you’re in your 40s and it’s too late to have children and you’ve wasted your youth on men who wouldn’t commit!

I hope so

This waiting around for years before marriage is all very well if you meet as teens or early twenties or if you are a man but anyone else if they want a family doesn’t have this luxury.

It’s the OP’s second post on first thread.

And no responses to the several people asking 🤔

When does begging to stay tip over into scary, abusive behaviour? My daughter was stalked by her ex boyfriend when she finished with him. Police were involved - they gave him chance after chance but he wouldn't stop and it ended up in court. It was terrifying for all of us.

Of course he has to accept whatever decision is made. No means no, it’s over means erm it’s over.

What’s next…sorry your honour I’m not a robot so don’t have to accept any decision forced on me that’s why I continued having sex with her even when she told me no multiple times?

If you have children I pity them, being raised to ignore someone when they say no, and to give in when someone is begging them - although I’d say it’s clear you have boys and you are raising them in a dangerous manner which you clearly can’t accept.

She does he just have to accept?

Well clearly when someone dumps you. You can’t just go no sorry don’t accept it 😂 like your dumped get lost. Ending a relationship is very much no means no.

Continued messages and calls when you’ve been dumped and clearly told no a few more times for good measure is stomping all over boundaries and harassment.

Who wants to date a man that won’t take no for an answer… Wouldn’t bode well for the future.

I didn't see any mention of a typo anywhere.

I can feel sorry for anyone with a broken heart - it’s a horrible feeling. However the gf is not at fault here, she spoke with him about their relationship and what she wants from life. He didn’t take the conversation seriously. She’s come to terms with it and ended it.

She hasn’t been unreasonable. She’s 27 and wants (by the sounds of it) marriage and babies. Shes biologically, mentally, emotionally and financially ready and isn’t willing to waste time on someone who won’t even have a conversation about a timeline. Good on her.

Your DH might be a tad too blunt but your DS is learning tough lesson which hopefully will serve him well in the future.

She explains it was a typo in her second post but I think it's a bit of a Freudian slip.