AIBU to refuse to host Christmas again after what my family said?

Tell them it's not happening and stick to your guns. Family is absolutely the worst thing about Christmas. It would be a lovely time of year without selfish relatives to contend with.

I don't think anyone should be lying on their Christmas dinner. It would make a terrible mess 😝

You are being punished and held to randsom for having a lovely house and doing well in your life and they really do not think much of you do they, other than you being the family cash cow?
No..Enough.. NO More.. you so deserve better OP.

Is your sister on mumsnet...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5453091-to-think-family-charging-for-christmas-dinner-is-poor-form

FWIW I'm with you - I'd think £30 was a bargain for someone lying on a lovely Christmas meal for my family and me

I'm not really sure why you would want to spend Christmas with your family. They don't sound like a very pleasant bunch.
There sound extremely entitled and selfish, they have no empathy for the amount of work and time and money that you put into providing them with a wonderful meal and visit. They contribute nothing. They don't feel bad about it, and the more you do for them the more they expect.
They are trying to guilt you into continuing being their free meal ticket and slave so that you can pay for everything, do all the prep, do all the work, do all the clean up, pay the bills, and they get to sit back play on their phones and have a good day.

You've been doing this not one year, not two years, not rotating years, but you've done it for 7 years. I think that's at least 6 years too many given how they're acting.

You've got 24 days before Christmas, more than enough time to tell them no I'm sorry, can't host it this year...

I don't know what your home/work/partner/children situation is, I haven't been able to read all the posts yet, but if you want to take the easy way out, just come up with an excuse that has something to do with your home/work/partner/children which they may see as being not much more than an excuse but, oh well...

(If you really can't stomach the idea of coming up with a "fake excuse", here's an alternate suggestion to make your escape from the terrible family Christmas a genuine one...
See if there's any place locally that you can volunteer your time on the day that you normally would be hosting the Christmas party. Like for instance, an animal shelter, perhaps you can walk the dogs or brush the cats, they still need to be fed and played with and the litter boxs cleaned, just because it's Christmas, they don't know the difference. They are in need.
Or if you like the idea of volunteering at a local church who might be doing a community meal, or something like that. Find a way to give your time and energy to those who actually really will appreciate it. Not your family because they obviously don't.)

Or if you feel particularly brave/angry enough/empowered then be 100% honest with them and tell them the truth, but it will not be taken well.

Be prepared that no matter what you say, because they're not going to be getting their own way, they are going to be mad. They have zero right to be, but they are selfish and shortsighted and entitled and takers who feel no empathy with you and feel no guilt at what they've done and don't understand how unfair they've been, because they don't care. So, they will find a way to blame you for ruining Christmas. Be prepared for that. If you're following them on social media, be prepared for some really nasty posts about how you ruined everything, be prepared for them to badmouth you to anyone else that they know about how horrible you are and how you've ruined everything, I mean, 100% unfair and untrue? Yes it is but they sound like the kind of people who would do this so you just have to be prepared for it...

I wish you a stress-free (and actually happy for a change) Christmas.

This is perfect!

@WillieFIrwin go with this,

YANBU they are.

yes it's easier at the biggest house, but everyone should be contributing. Not expecting you to DO it all & PAY for it all.

Given their attitudes I wouldn't be hosting again unless THEY come up with a workable plan.i wouldn't go to a restaurant on Christmas Day either. I did it once & hated it!! I'd rather just stay at home with my immediate family & decide what we want to eat!!

I hope YOU enjoy Christmas 🎄 this year!!
🎅🏼

Seriously, tot up approximately what it cost last time, multiply by 7, send them an advance bill. Have they no idea how much it costs? Money or effort/time, shopping etc? Clearly not. Your mum is shocking telling you the guilt nonsense! Shove them, they can host themselves or bring ALL the food. Don’t be a doormat, OP!

Let them sort their own Christmas for once if you want them to appreciate you.

Either cancel, or suggest something along the lines of:

I’m fed up with being expected to host without any one ever helping or making an effort to contribute. So here is the plan for this year. Everyone will bring a course and everyone is also responsible for washing up their own course.

Starter: Mum and Dad
Main: Me and DH
Pudding: DSis and BIL
Drinks: DB and SIL

Feel free to swap amongst yourselves. Make sure you bring enough for everyone and take into account everyone’s dietary requirements.

If that isn’t going to work I’m afraid I will be cancelling because I’ve had enough.

Wow, unbelievable. I thought the other thread with the sister charging 30 bucks was a bit cold on the sister's part, but conversely if my sibling expressed that hosting was a lot of work and expense I'd ask what we can contribute to make it sustainable for you - be it taking over the cooking, or sharing the grocery bill, or anything else. The way they dismissed you would definitely make me want to say no !

You’ve hit the nail on the nail on the head. That’s exactly what happened to me many years ago. After hosting for 14 for seven years I reached the stage where had enough and suggested one family bring the starter course, another bring the dessert and my parents bring the cheeseboard and some wine.

Their reactions were nothing short of astounding.

“We can’t afford that extra cost at Christmas.”
”We don’t have room in our fridge for extra food at Christmas.”
”We don’t know what wines everyone likes but will bring some cheddar and Brie if you’re really struggling.”

It was an enormous pity party from each of them.
That was the last year I hosted Christmas Day…and yes, I was the bad one ruining everyone’s future Christmas and I was almost ostracised from the family.
I’ll be honest and say I was emotionally crushed by their behaviour.
Several years later, I no longer give a damn and we have a great Christmas with my own little family.

Stand your ground OP. If it’s all become too much you must say so. There is absolutely no need to accommodate self-serving leaches. x

I can't believe you've kept hosting with a family like that. That's awful.

In our family we rotate who hosts generally but the last few years it's been at ours which has been fine. Someone does the turkey and meats, someone does potatoes and someone else does puddings. Everyone sorts some veg.

And EVERYONE brings bottles of wine/beer etc.

They sound awful. Almost parody-level of horrendousness!

If this is all so, then I am surprised you want to spend any time with them. So no. Do your own thing.
Communicate it clearly. And do so more than once. Lest the penny has not dropped.

Yes, strangely similar problems!

This OP posted at about 3am this morning and hasn't been back-will they be returning?!

How are you doing OP? ☺️

Did you tell them all to piss off and that your house will be locked up like fort knox on Christmas day? 🙏

Sorry - voted the wrong way by accident when I picked up the phone - you are DEFINITELY not being unreasonable! Sod ‘em!!

This!!!

I really wouldn't do this. I suspect the cheeky fuckers would simply turn up early and snaffle the OP's prepaid booking. They'd scoff the meal she has paid for - pigging out, stuffing their ugly faces while whining about the OP's meanness. How dare their slave not spend all her time and money in shovelling food down their throats? It's her duty! This is a family on the take and on the make. They resent the OP for having a bigger house and a decent career so believe she must pay for these crimes.

Nope nope nope, I get that you want to have a pub lunch so if you can book it do it.
i get a feeling that even if they offered you money now you wouldn’t want it so stand your ground x

I like this reply! Even if you can’t go abroad. Book a nice spa or holiday cottage with a fire and marshmallows

Don’t just suggest the pub/restaurant, tell them where you are going and the deadline for paying the deposit if they care to join you.

I would absolutely be refusing to host Christmas in your situation.

I hope you get a resolution that suits YOU.

I think however, that the time to set the record straight and change the tradition was Christmas Day/Evening 2024!

Maybe since it's close to the day now, you could do it one last time, and say NO to any future hosting, while they are putting their coats on to go home full as eggs and drunk as skunks on your dime.

That gives them plenty of time to get used to it for next year.

But if I were you right now, I'd have Covid on Xmas Eve, in fact the whole family will have come down with a bug, and it's contagious.

Stick to your guns. Take yourself away.

The annual "isn't it outrageous to charge family for Christmas" thread has indeed appeared