AIBU to feel upset about my well-off in-laws being tight with money at Christmas?

😂

This sounds very likely, most people I know keep
a record of how much they spend on children and grandchildren, nieces and nephews to ensure stays balanced throughout the year. £50 for birthday and Xmas is
still generous - he just had it early for the bike. Maybe they thought it was obvious it was an early gift - better on a bike than useless stuff that only used for a bit. If my parents gifted £100 I would have asked if they were doing similar for other GCs or checked if for Xmas and birthday for the year.

I’m surprised how many people think this is mean - GPs don’t have unlimited funds and it’s expensive if you start giving large gifts for Xmas and birthdays and then on offs on top.

unclear from OP if child has outgrown previous bike or this was first bike and that was why it was important to do in summer when would make most use of it. Bike at Christmas is a lot harder to use!

My DM has said many times that she wants to make sure I have an easier time than she did. Even things like wanting to buy us a dishwasher as she never had one!

OP what would your inlaws normally spend on birthday/ Xmas pressies? Would £50 each be usual for them? I do think it’s shitty behaviour just because they are making a big thing out of helping you out. It’s just horrible to keep reminding you. If they had said at the time “we’re happy to give you £100 as an early bday / Xmas present so that DGS can have his bike” then fine. But even then I’d be pissed off about it being mentioned all the time. But the fact that they made it out that the £100 was a gift but then added the strings of it being an early gift is just horrible. Your DH needs to call them out. Not because you expect more spent on him (unless there’s a disparity with him and the other GC’s) but because they are treating you in a really mean and disrespectful manner.

No they are being greedy assholes. This is t about the money it’s about the feeling that they really don’t give a shit and that they are looking at ur son as a
bill they have to pay. In future tell them to ram their contributions. They have shown their true colours and how they want it to work. They should be ashamed of themselves. I’d rather have a book that is picked and chosen with love than a contribution that is chucked in ur faced all year. They are dicks. Don’t fall for this again and do t give them any clues as to what your son ever needs for
presents. Let them pick themselves and show the value they place on the boy. Horrible people. As said it’s Not about how much money they have, they are entitled to spend on themselves all they want also
entitled to not buy ur done anything at all
either. but the fact they have it shows me he is just a bill to sort out. U are not being mean or greedy. I’d have very limited contact with them.

I wonder if one of their other children has commented on them gifting the £100 and now they are tying themselves in knots trying to
look fair. I really don’t think you should cut contact and some of the responses on here are pretty extreme.

Perhaps you can judge whether to give them the benefit of the doubt based on your relationship with them and the wider family dynamics.

I think that the fact they are getting older and the fact that they have a number of GCs to buy for plus the fact that everyone is scared shitless about the forthcoming budget means that they may be feeling financial strains or fears over their finances that you are unaware of.

I have a friend who adores gifting. She does not have children or extended family and so she spends lavishly on gifts for her friends. I find it really difficult tbh because although I can in theory return her £50 gifts for birthday and Christmas, she is simply not the only person I have to buy for. 2 Dcs, 8 nieces and nephews, 4 great-nieces and nephews. 4 god children. And although we look as if we are financially secure, my funds are very tightly balanced. So when she suggests we gift for this and that, or we go away for a long weekend to Bruges etc., I can't manage it and she gets shirty because we have paid off the mortgage, and appear quite well-off.

That bottle of wine we brought last Christmas was for this Christmas too.

“Remember we got you those flowers for Mother’s Day, they were for Christmas and your birthday too.”

You're welcome.

People have their ideas on how much they feel is appropriate to spend on gifts. This isn't necessarily linked to how much money they have, or indeed how generous they are as people, as it can be based in not wanting to over indulge, or encourage materialism, or simply the dislike of the commercialism surrounding everything.
If they were otherwise kind and giving (of their time and their attention) I wouldn't be bothered. However it sounds like you see this as part of a pattern of low interest in your child. If so, that's the thing to feel a bit sad about, not the gift part. Because frankly, throwing plenty of money at a child when you can well afford it is easy and it's not what good grandparents are made of.

My parents did this. They were then scammed and it transpired they had hundreds of thousands of pounds.

All went on care home fees.

Sad really, you never get that time back.

There was a recent long thread about older people and their money.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5437719-parents-hoarding-money?latest=1

I think that there may be more to this - we don't know yours or theirs full financial situation and yes, it is their money to do with as they wish. I also try to ensure that I try to treat my adult DC fairly by keeping a note on my phone. Also as a PP has stated, they may be saving for their future care needs.
I would thank them for their gifts and move on.

I think it’s really unfair change the goalposts. The money was towards one gift/event. Next birthday, are they going to say that the £100 was to cover that too? Mean af.

I think when you are old a lot of things feel out of control - you have to get help to do more things, you are at the mercy of your health, your children do what they like, your friends start dying. Maybe you don't even understand everything that's happening out there - AI, how to pay for things online, how to spot a scammer.

But you can control what you spend and build a big cash buffer to feel safe.

Spare a poor thought for my 15 year old who got a pad of paper with unicorns on it to plan homework from his Nanna last Christmas. It came from the charity shop, of course. He never expected anything much from her. We bought him plenty of presents.

Thank you

So are they explaining this to your 7 year old or just gifting a book and leaving your child to wonder why they've only got a token gift?

Or I'm assuming they're expecting you to talk the fall for it, right?

This is shitty behaviour. Really shitty. I think a conversation needs to be had. Along the lines of "please don't offer to help if the help comes with strings attached. Invisible ones you can dangle in front of us at any given opportunity"

If you'd been given the information up front you could have said you'd pay them back or refuse the help but you weren't given the option and now there's going to be a young child who won't understand why this has happened.

That's so sad, the reason I try to help out is is because I remember all too well how hard it was with a young family (more so at this time of the year).

💯. Love it.

Nasty...

Well I agree with you op. It's unpleasant They sound like grandparents who only want to do the absolute bare minimum. Fwiw my own mil is pretty wealthy by anyone's standards but will give no more than £10 in a card if you're very very lucky.

The reason they're wealthy is because they're stingy! Sorry OP, not fair on the kids. Also, £100 is nothing these days, it doesn't buy much so it wasn't all that generous anyway, not sure why they're acting like it is.

My Mum was a bit like this. She lived very frugally and gifts were small and tokens. Before she died, she told me she was terrified of having to go into a care home and had saved all of her money so that she could “go somewhere nice.” In the end she died suddenly, when she was still living at home. I wish she had told me this earlier, as it would have made more sense. So we are now spending her money on her grandchildren! Perhaps your in laws are worried about this?

@Gingerbreadcottage Was it mentioned when the £100 was handed over—that this would be in lieu of birthday/Christmas? If not, they’re being dicks.

I’d return the £100 and say thank you for the loan to get DS’s bike. But I’m a petty cow.

And breathe. Not good for the blood pressure to get so wound up.