Help me tell friend to go away?

Not much help but my husband has this infuriating habit of when we've had guests and I'm starting to wish they would fuck off (normally after a few hours) he would put on A FILM!!!! Last time he did this it was my daughter who had her friend round, her friends mum wanted her home before it got dark but he put the Barbie film on at about 7pm so she only got to watch some of it before I had to get her home as her mum wanted her home I couldn't just let them watch it all and be late. I've had to tell him now before anyone visits not to put a bloody film on when it looks like they want to leave or if like to get on with stuff

An hour?! Flippin’ell, just WhatsApp her a tea emoji instead and get this months dreaded social interaction out the way.

This thread is a bit depressing for me due to the amount of people who say they keep someone at arms length now or only visit in public spaces. I do the same. I adore my mum but really struggle to see her in person because she always outstays her welcome. Always has done with everyone and sees no issues in just popping in on people, even as late as 8pm or when it’s a colleague she hasn’t seen for 10years.

when I was an adult and moved away approx 1.5 hours, she thought it would be perfectly normal to stay for a few days because it’s “so far”. I sometimes have to be quite rude and forceful with her so that I am able to leave her - I think three hours is enough.

It was a weird one - we hadn’t seen each other in years, and then she messaged me out of the blue and said she’d moved nearby and would I like to come over for lunch. I never saw her again after that episode as I thought there wasn’t much point!

Outstayed their welcome after an hour!….don’t host again as you clearly are not good at it

You say "an hour or so" so was it actually an hour or more like 3? I always try the "well it's been lovely seeing you' approach but if that falls on deaf ears then I do flounder.

I'm still traumatised by New Year's Day when I had visitors arrive at 6pm and leave at 11:30! Gorgeous people who I adore but just cannot take a hint and all I wanted to do was put my PJ's on, eat leftover buffet and watch Traitors.

Heck my mate once stayed til after tea. After dc's bath. And when the youngest was in bed. She only lived across the road!! She was hard to get rid of.

Are you still friends with her….sounds like she felt she owed you a lunch and wanted to just get it over with cheaply and quickly

It’s certainly not British. I, however, grew up with it in Ireland. My octogenarian mother, to this day, looks horrified if someone offers me a cup of tea and I say ‘Yes, I’d love one’. To her that’s as rude as snatching the last biscuit off a plate someone else is reaching for.

I think an hour is a very short visit, but obviously this is going to depend on a lot of variables like how often you see them, time of day etc. If they came back to your house after the pub on a night when you have work in the morning, yes, but your comment about asking what she’s making first dinner suggests it’s an afternoon visit? Was it an invited one?

I’m British. Never heard of this three x offer etiquette.

An hour is a short visit these days. In years gone by when you had various "callers" or whatever dropping by everyday, an hour max would make sense.

That said, if I ever wanted rid of a guest I'd probably say "oh look at the time. I must be getting to bed - early start in the morning" or something like that.

There is the classic thigh slap and "right..." as well

I am a bit of a planner so when I arrange to visit someone I would say something like "I was thinking of about 2-4 so I can get off before the traffic. Is that ok?"

As for people visiting me without an up front arrangement - thats what smart phones and ring doorbells are for. No appointment, I dont open the door.

An hour isn’t a long visit, but it’s annoying if they turn up at bedtime. I think I’d say no to people coming over who are not good at leaving, suggest meeting for a coffee/drink out of the house or go to their house then you can chose when to leave.

One of the best threads ever about this (imho)😆

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5246024-fulula-the-cf-who-would-not-go-home

My grandmother grew up in the early 20th century when formal visits were kept short. No one, not even family, was allowed to stay for more than 2 hours!

She had a clock which struck Westminster chimes (the type which goes bing-bong-bing-bong) every hour and half hour. When it struck she would jump smartly to her feet and exclaim "Goodness is that the time? I much get on. Ill get your coat/see you out". And visitors were ushered out in short order.

My grandmother was a formidable woman and no one ever argued with her!

I’m glad you also think this was odd!

I didn’t grow up in the UK, and a British friend of mine patiently explained to me a few years back that you’re meant to decline offers of food and drink the first 2 times, and only accept the 3rd offer because that’s how you know it’s genuine and not a sign that you need to leave! 😱

I saw 30 years of British social gaffes flash before my eyes. I feel lucky to have friends still!

My late FIL, when he wanted guests to leave, would go and get their coat and hand it to them and announce jovially "well you'll be off now, good to see you but I need to get to bed" and march them to the door
- legend! Love this!! 😂💚

An hour is a short visit and how far have they travelled to see you? If you can only handle short visits it’s probably better to arrange to meet them for lunch somewhere instead next time.

Pretend you need to go out because you have something to do.

If you struggle with this, meet in a cafe/coffee shop instead. Then you can leave when you want, without needing to kick anyone out.

But honestly, if someone's in my house it means we're comfortable together, and I'll just say sorry but I'm going to have to call it a day I'm knackered. Nobody hates me for it!

An hour is a very short visit so no it isn't normal.