Husband unhappy with my friendship with a man

YOu chose another man over your husband and over your family life. Despicable carry on.

This 100%

You have been incredibly selfish - and you have made your own mess. I feel very sorry for your DH he only asked you to reduce seeing this friend, not stop, and you couldn’t even respect that! He also need to stop paying for his step child, thats your responsibility alongside their Dad.

There is another thread on here at the moment where the man is refusing to stop seeing a friend - you may gain a little understanding of how much hurt and nastiness you have caused not just to him but your kids, through your self centred, cruel, behaviour.

The subject heading is now irrelevant really. That ship has sailed it seems - you’ve made your choice and you’re further down the line now in that he doesn’t want to get back with you. You need to get a job, regardless of how or why you’ve split. And he doesn’t need to support his stepchild, unless adopted. It’s really self entitled to expect to split with him and have him basically fund your days out with your friend.

How long were you married for? What ages the children?

You made a decision which at the time you thought was right, and generally when someone leaves a marriage the chances of reconciliation is low. Its likely he has now discovered he is happy out of the marriage. It seems you didn't fight for the marriage which you may not regret but its done.

So what now for you? I guess its a job and figuring out childcare. Did your ex have PR for older child? If not then I can see why him looking after them longterm isn't possible.

Personally I don’t believe in male/female friendships in a relationship or marriage, UNLESS the other partner is also involved.

I used to have male friends when I was younger and single. Every single one (bar the gay ones) tried it on in one way or another.

I would be highly suspicious of a husband of mine who was spending a lot of soul time with a female ‘friend’.

You're also being extremely cheeky expecting your stbx to provide childcare for a child which is not his. He’s already paying her school fees which will be expensive.

I hope this friendship is worth it.

Maybe your male friend can provide childcare?

Funny how you haven’t mentioned him at all in any of your solutions to your financial and childcare issues. Perhaps the level of friendship wasn’t worth prioritising over your husband after all, and the support you gave him during redundancy won’t be reciprocated…

So you’ve chosen your friend over your husband, but you expect your husband to carry on financing your lifestyle and provide childcare for your child?

Yeah, that's a lot. If DH spent that much time with a female friend I'd reevaluate our relationship.

You're behaving like a fool. You have 3 kids, your STBXH has 2. He is under no obligation to provide anything to the one he is not the father of. He is already agreeable about continuing contributions to school fees, which is already above and beyond reasonable. And you want him to do childcare for that child too?

The oldest must be old enough, or close to old enough to stay home while you work. And/or most private schools have long enough days that wraparound care isn't needed during term times. I have successfully had a full time year round job all the way through my kids' school years, paying for holiday clubs when needed.

You are looking for excuses to let your cushy part time life continue, when you are the one who blew it up for all three of those kids by deciding your friend was more important than your husband's feelings.

When it comes to financial settlement, you will be expected to find full time work. And if he is paying school fees for all 3, it will get taken into account for child maintenance etc.

So he's been supporting you and your child as well as his 2 children financially for 6 months? Did you really think that was going to continue until the youngest finished college? Of course you need to find an income to support yourself, but why would your ex need to provide childcare?

You could get off your behind and get a job. It's the least you owe your children after blowing up their lives.

No it means she shouldn't be spending more time with her man on the side than her own husband. A husband that is still paying for a child, that isn't even his!!! Even after leaving her. He is a bloody good decent man to do that.

Well yes, for your own child. Where's the paternal family?
Surely when you tell them that your circumstances have changed and Tom has no parental responsibility for your eldest you have no child care for your dates with the OM am sure they'll be willing and able to facilitate it!

Of course he would be very entitled in the nicest way to say that he's not going to provide childcare for one that isn't his responsibility. That's your issue to resolve.

Well thats her choice then isn't it.

Why an earth would husband support a step child? Get a job.

@ThatBlackCat

”concentrate on their marriage” does that mean she’s not allowed to see people other than husband and can’t engage in hobbies without her husband present?

Honestly Op, you really need to check yourself. YABVU. Poor ex husband. Why on earth should he pay school fees for / look after your child with someone else? And after you’ve shat on him by prioritising your special male friend. As PP has said, entitlement off the scale. Were you quite spoilt as a child?

I correct myself - he IS providing financially for a child that isn't his, but you're worried he won't look after them to give you some time off. Your entitlement is off the scale.

Either a reverse or there is a ton of background information we aren’t privy to

Hes already left, so its kind of irrelevant whether you think he was unreasonable.
He offered you his terms. You declined.