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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not sure how to respond

34 replies

Fashionista22 · 09/08/2025 20:26

I’m not quite sure how to respond to this situation and am curious what others think..

Just had an argument before husband started driving DC didn’t really know and was happily looking out the window while I’m sitting in the back too. He asks DC a question but they didn’t respond as they’re distracted. He asked me if they’re ok several times, I said yeah fine, every time, I did wonder why he kept asking, not sure what else I can say? Then he pulled over over to check..! I was shocked, why didn’t he take my word and why would I be sitting saying nothing if not?! AIBU to feel like this is a huge lack of trust?

OP posts:
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Helen483 · 12/08/2025 11:53

Fashionista22 · 09/08/2025 21:35

That’s literally all there is to it

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No it isn't.

What happened when he pulled over? Did he get out, open the back door and talk to DC to find out what's wrong? Or did he just glance over his shoulder.
What did he THINK was wrong - surely you asked him?

And, as pp have said, why didn't you encourage your child to respond to their dad?

It does rather sound as if you and DC are in the habit of "tuning him out" and he got fed up with it.

Lyraloo · 11/08/2025 20:46

You are massively overreacting! Are you trying to cause an argument with dh.

Laurmolonlabe · 11/08/2025 19:47

Sounds more like quite serious anxiety to me, rather than a lack of trust in you- he should talk to someone.

Kitjo · 10/08/2025 08:48

Exactly this - OP’s behaviour is passive aggressive and then acting innocent

xyzandabc · 10/08/2025 08:19

What is your communication with DH normally like? How old is child (old enough to talk as he expected a response from them, but for some reason you felt the need to sit in the back with them, so maybe young?) and are they usually able to respond verbally to a normal question?

I'm just thinking if the driver spoke to my child and I heard it but the child didn't, I'd probably say to the child 'hey child, dad asked you a question' in a friendly tone. If they still didn't reply, and I was sitting next to them, I'd get their attention with a friendly tap on the leg/arm and say again 'dad asked you a question, did you hear it?'

Or if DH asked me if DC was OK, I'd say something like 'yeah, they're fine, just distracted/asleep/looking out the window'. So more than just a single word answer.

If this all played out with DH saying something, neither you or DC responding until he directed the 'are they ok?' question to you. Then you just gave a one word answer of yes or fine without any further explanation, that sounds like you are all not really talking to each other and there are bigger things going on than just this conversation.

Strange for him to pull over but sounds like it was all a bit of a weird non conversation prior to the pulling over.

Thaawtsom · 10/08/2025 08:04

I’m not proud of this but if I reply “fine” to a question it normally means something else. In the situation you describe it might mean “of course DC is ok you twat but I am still fucking livid with you” in which case pulling over to talk might be the right course of action regardless of how many times I replied “fine”

Thaawtsom · 10/08/2025 08:04

sorry double post

HoskinsChoice · 10/08/2025 07:59

Driver asks child a question. Child does not answer. Non-driver sitting next to the child does not encourage child to answer or reprimand them for being rude. I'd stop the car too. And then go home and teach the child some manners whilst wondering why I'm married to and had a child with someone who doesn't seem concerned by the child having no manners.

Why on earth did you not parent your child and get them to reply to the question?

Kitjo · 10/08/2025 03:10

You’re playing games here…. The same as you are in the car. Take a look in the mirror not at the driver!

buswankerbabe · 09/08/2025 21:44

You are being evasive right now by ignoring questions on why you were sitting in the back of the car and what age your child is. If this is how you evade pertinent questions then I’m not surprised he wasn’t sure if you’d checked and felt the need to pull over.

Original poster
Fashionista22 · 09/08/2025 21:36

WhiteNoiseBlur · 09/08/2025 21:06

I imagine he was being passive aggressive because he was pissed off that he wasn’t getting a response and was being ignored?

I said I replied every time he asked

OP posts:
Original poster
Fashionista22 · 09/08/2025 21:35

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 21:20

could you link to the other @PamIsAVolleyballChamp?

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Yes please do, didn’t mean to post two if I did

OP posts:
Original poster
Fashionista22 · 09/08/2025 21:35

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 21:11

you are being somewhat evasive @Fashionista22

You know, there's more to this than you're alluding to, so I don't think any of us can really "help", if, understanding the situation is actually what you'd like to process?

Show quote history

That’s literally all there is to it

OP posts:
beetr00 · 09/08/2025 21:20

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 09/08/2025 21:17

Oh am all confused! You've 2 threads!!

could you link to the other @PamIsAVolleyballChamp?

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 09/08/2025 21:17

Oh am all confused! You've 2 threads!!

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 21:11

Fashionista22 · 09/08/2025 20:51

That’s interesting, yes I certainly would pull over if I wasn’t convinced by his answers but I would hope that what ever answer he gives, he would do something if there was an issue so I don’t have the need to pull over

That he thought I would sit there for a couple of minutes (from when he first asked to when he pulled over) and not even check, regardless of whether he was convinced by my answers, implies that he thought he couldn’t trust me to even check

you are being somewhat evasive @Fashionista22

You know, there's more to this than you're alluding to, so I don't think any of us can really "help", if, understanding the situation is actually what you'd like to process?

WhiteNoiseBlur · 09/08/2025 21:06

I imagine he was being passive aggressive because he was pissed off that he wasn’t getting a response and was being ignored?

Tetchypants · 09/08/2025 21:04

How old is the child and why were you sitting in the back?

vincettenoir · 09/08/2025 21:02

Maybe your dh was being a bit paranoid but for whatever they were genuinely worried. The moment has passed. I wouldn’t now make this about how this has hurt your feelings and how you might retaliate about that.

SunsetCocktails · 09/08/2025 20:56

How old is the child? When your husband asked them a question why didn’t you say “child, daddy just asked you a question” seeing as you were sat right next to them?

Original poster
Fashionista22 · 09/08/2025 20:51

That’s interesting, yes I certainly would pull over if I wasn’t convinced by his answers but I would hope that what ever answer he gives, he would do something if there was an issue so I don’t have the need to pull over

That he thought I would sit there for a couple of minutes (from when he first asked to when he pulled over) and not even check, regardless of whether he was convinced by my answers, implies that he thought he couldn’t trust me to even check

OP posts:
NightsinthegardensofSpain · 09/08/2025 20:45

Did you ask why he felt the need to pull over?

Moveoverdarlin · 09/08/2025 20:44

I don’t understand the fuss to be honest. You were shocked that he pulled over? Why? The child wasn’t answering and you were being dismissive. So he wanted some answers.

I often pull over if the children are playing up and it lets them know I’m serious. I’ll say ‘we’re not going anywhere until you can be nice’.

You’re making out he pulled over, stripped naked and started singing. Providing it was safe, I can’t see the big deal. Nothing is more irritating than being ignored and ‘fine’ probably wasn’t really cutting it.

Can’t imaging thinking twice about it really.

tilypu · 09/08/2025 20:44

Why do you feel you need to respond?

He wasn't convinced by your answers. He wanted to check for himself. If you were concerned for your child, and you weren't convinced by his answers, wouldn't you do a double check? I know I would!

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