Sister's wedding and no children invited

a three day wedding? Who on earth is she. Nah, screw that, no way I would attend and leave 2 young children behind.

Her wedding, her rules but she needs to accept that this may not work for all guests. she cannot have it both ways.

I would not have been able to have fun separated from my tiny baby.

Totally fine to have a childfree wedding.

Not fine to do some gross emotional blackmail “if they love us they’ll pay for childcare”.

That's a shame, and unusual in my experience. Most weddings I've attended have included the children. They've always been well behaved. In my culture we include the whole family. My children went to weddings throughout their childhood and never caused a problem once.
What a pity some do.

Sometimes it's really not that simple.

Two days is not the end of the world.

your DH can look after the kids.

Go and have fun and stop being a drama llama.

This.

My daughter just went to a three day wedding with kids and said she will definitely not be having kids at her wedding as it was a nightmare. With constant streetches and misbehaviour throughout the ceremony. I said well maybe you have Nannie’s there and she quite rightly pointed out why do I have to pay to look after Someone else’s kids when if they love me and want to be there for us they can pay for their own baby sitter ..

Exactly.

The wedding is next year. Is it next spring or next summer?

Which means that the youngest baby may not even be born yet.

The eldest child is approx 18 months I am guessing but I don't know.

I don't know how long your sisters engagement was but I doubt her position on wanting a child free wedding is personal to you and it wasn't made to upset you, OP.

I would try some sort of a work around like an airb&b close by to the wedding venue and take your children and a babysitter. Likely for about 2 nights at least. Likely travelling the day before the wedding to check in.

See if the sister will change her mind closer to the time too.

lol no way would I be going. No way.

Did you mean to post this on this thread @ZenNudist ???

www.mumsnet.com/talk/home_decoration_pictures/5377333-how-often-do-you-paint-your-downstairs-rooms?page=1

It's your sister who is being unreasonable. Of course she's free to make whatever choice she wants but since you're not only her sister, but her MOH too, she should have considered your needs. She could easily make an exception for your two and no one else's children. You couid also reasonably expect a hotel to have a family room for you to use.

I think I'd write/ speak to her and let her know how unreasonable she is being. (I'd be pretty annoyed but I guess I might end up going alone rather than miss it completely.)

Honestly this is so selfish of your sister, and your mother you’ve to bend over backwards getting in laws nearby or some such plans stressing yourself to fit in with her demands I mean as long as a baby isnt screaming or toddler running amok does it matter? Simply saying if children get bored please could they be taken out away from ceremony.
We’ve just had this at a wedding and the parents didn’t go as baby was left out and I don’t blame them one bit but it’s bad when very close family can’t be accommodated, selfish in the extreme.

I agree, the sister's expectations are completely ridiculous.

I'm sorry OP your sister is being so unreasonable. That's so inconsiderate of her.

We had 5 children at our wedding, a baby and the rest kids age 3 to 8 years old or so. They were a joy to have at the wedding and we arranged for few little bits of activities for the kids to keep them entertained. It was lovely having them there.

I don't understand this whole thing with child free weddings. They add to weddings, they're not (usually) an inconvenience at them. In my experience anyway.

When my baby was 6 months I was also back at work but that would be even more reason not to leave her as I would have wanted to spend the time with her.

I wouldn't go.

If you are desperate to go, and could afford a couple of cheap hotel rooms, then you could consider taking DH's parents and staying in a nearby hotel so that they can look after the children during the ceremony.

You can't stay in the pre-booked accommodation- it's not suitable.

You would be available for MOH duties literally for the ceremony only. Your sister may wish to appoint another MOH.

At six months I was back at work full time. So leaving the DC isn’t the issue so much. There are a few options - just you attend, DH takes care of the kids. Could you all go and hire a nanny/babysitter there during the ceremony and party afterwards. Are your in-laws helpful?
It is up to your sister to decide who she wants at the wedding but I see why it’s a hassle for you..

Dear DSis, I honestly do understand why you don't want to have children at your wedding and I know lots of people feel this way. I know from your side, it's really hard to understand why I can't leave (DC names) for that long. I honestly do get it - before I'd had kids, I wouldn't have given it a second thought. But things really do change once you have them - it's visceral and probably irrational, but I will feel as though I have abandoned them and almost put them in danger. My anxiety will overshadow the lovely day and I really do want to be present emotionally for the joy of seeing you married. I think Mum has forgotten what it's like when they're still so small.

Is there a way to compromise - maybe DH and I could get kid-friendly accommodation nearby, and DH could look after them there on the friday and the sunday, with all of us coming for the wedding itself?

Did the bride know how much you put yourself out for her?

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

DSis is exercising her right to do what she wants for her wedding and you are well within your rights to do what you think best re your kids, too.

They can have their expectations but you do not have to meet them.

I wouldn't be happy to leave young kids for 3 days.

I think I'd leave them with DH and drive down for the wedding/reception and drive back that night.

I decorate on a rolling basis every few years. Tends to need redoing to keep it fresh but I'm just redecorating the rooms that need it. Quite a big house.

Thinking about the downstairs: lounge got done in 2007 and again in 2013/4, kitchen and hall in 2010 then left for ages and ages, kitchen redone pre covid but hall was papered so i left it looking a state, then whole house been stripped of wallpaper then repainted loads in the last 2 years,

You don't even know what your children will be like next year, in terms of needs and requirements. Your sister is being very selfish. Talk to her about it, very directly.
However, I suspect you won't be able to go.

I agree, what a stressful and complicated arrangement. Something is bound to go wrong.

I’d travel wedding day morning and leave after speeches. Leave the kids with an in law (IRL I’d leave them with a specific friend as our ILs are shit). This after asking if the kids can come and explaining it’s tricky to leave a 6mo.