I’ve become a human ATM. No going back?

I’m quite angry at you OP. You know you are being financially abused and emotionally manipulated but despite having children whom you are happy to potentially deprive because of your own weakness and desire, you aren’t prepared to break free. You are completely complicit in your own victimhood and I’m angry on behalf of all the genuine female victims who don’t have your resources or ability and who would love to break free. When you destroy your own life and your children’s lives because of your own inability to act, please reflect on this thread. You deserve everything that is coming your way.

Of course it's her! Everything matches apart from the number of months she claims they've been together.

Your being taken advantage of , I'm sorry but this person is using you & so are their freinds please end the relationship you will spiral into debt as you will be constantly pressured into paying for them & their freinds, 10k on a new relationship is frankly insane & could have gone into savings or a lovely holiday with your children.. don't be someone's door matt & atm your worth more than that x

Yes!! Great minds. Caveated that it may not be this poster but definitely similarities!

I don’t if it is but there’s a lot of similarities that few PP have mentioned

Bloody hell. I've just read that thread, and there's some incredibly disturbing stuff going on beyond just the financial stuff.

She controls your social media, she's insanely jealous, and if you were to block her/end it:

She’d potentially have my car/belongjngs smashed up, persist, have her friends watch me from afar on social media, maybe threaten me, conspire against me, paint a picture that I’ve destroyed her at the lowest point of her life etc.

.... Because she's made these kinds of threats before, and not just to you.

She's psychotic and you need to get her out of your life.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5346538-new-gf-taking-the-piss?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

This one?

You and only you are allowing this.
Get rid of the freeloaders.
Start again on your own with a person who is on your level who reciprocates.
Why have you even allowed this .

Does she have a key? If so, change the locks. Just send a text: This isn’t working for me, Then block and ignore.

Have you posted about this partner before? I remember a very similar thread about a same sex couple where partner was volatile and never met the kids, and never gave any financial contribution. If I recall correctly, it was the same advice there except the OP was adamant the sex was too good to end the relationship.

Apologies if its not you, but if it is, same advice will still apply. It's not going to get better!

Why is it not “currently an option to end the relationship”? Are you being forced or something?
surely when writing your OP you see it for what it is?

Sorry, ut you seem to have a problem and I am not talking about what you have written!
Do you want to be a doormat?Do you want to be exploited?Do you think you are only worth a partner who not only sponges off you but encourages family and friends to do so as well?
If the answer is no to these questions then you know what you have to do.
You need to get rid of the whole lot of them and find a partner who respects you.
Surely you are worth more than this. ?Why do you feel you need to be a people pleaser. Maybe therapy would help you to become more assertive.

They are not materialistic because they cba working. They are being very materialistic with your money.
I can just imagine the conversation between the friends "oh it doesn't matter that we're all skint, Tiredbut will pay for out booze and food. Whilst we're there, let's drop hints at X cmg on holiday on Tiredbut's $, you know T won't like to mention money 😉 lol."
They think you are minted because you are spending like you are. You may not be using foodbanks atm, keep this up and you will be.
You can keep making excuses for this person, in reality, they are a bloodsucker.

Hi op I’m sorry you are in this situation but she might be saying I never asked you but she never said no you always pay let me or she has told her friends you are loaded and they are all taking advantage of you. I would literally say hey x money is really tight and I need to save up so we won’t be going out or having friends around for drinks or food unless you can pay or they can. The gravy boat has stopped I need to manage my money better for my dc hope you understand. My spending has to stop now before I end up in debt like you if I carry on the way I have been. No holidays, weekends away sorry. Then see how good of a partner she is. Honestly I hate people like this who never offer or expect it. Please stop now.

@Tiredbut they are all ripping the arse out of your generosity/naivety. Please do not be embarrassed to bring up money, they are loving that you have not.
I sincerely hope you work out that this person has not got your best interest at heart.

This surely can’t be real….

They take you for a mug, 9 bottles of wine, if they want wine they bring their own, want takeaway they pay. Get rid of your partner it's one sided relationship, your DC should be priority.

That's not your problem - but it will be when you get into debt and I don't think any of them will be helping you out. You have been very nice but you don't owe them anything so stop feeling guilty. Stand up for yourself.

your ´dp’ is a cheeky fucker of the highest order and you’re letting them mug you off at this point. Stop.

I accidentally voted 'you're being unreasonable'. You are NOT being unreasonable. You are being used and that is not okay.
You CAN absolutely go back. NO is a complete sentence and you need to start saying that more - to everyone and ESPECIALLY to your dp.
10k in 6 months (without the holidays) is crazy work and the fact that they are bringing friends and family(sister) to freeload off of you is awful.
You need to cut it (the spending) out.

Offer cheaper snacks, no meals to crowd. Popcorn, crisps, dip etc. Maybe they will get the idea. Feeding your new friend alone is different if you'd like to splurge more there, but not extend to family and friends. Change your Amazon password and don't share it. Good luck!

Are her abandonment issues etc more important than your children’s financial security or even your financial ruin?

Hard to advise when you clearly don't feel you can be direct. Only two things I can think of, have a more direct friend mention it, or fake a frozen bank account (eg fraud attempt) just before an event...that may have a good outcome eg she realises she's been taking you for granted or you realise you are being taken for a money pot and she's aware of it.
Either way whatever your choice it will be better for yourself & dcs if it came to a head sooner rather than later.
Good luck

I just wonder if the OP is being honest here?

She says in her opening post.. "the problem is I’m in a newish relationship and they are basically skint. I pay for everything - which is fine I guess as I knew what I was signing up for."

'Signing up for'? It makes me wonder if this is an age gap relationship and if the OP signed up to be a 'Sugar Mummy'.

That would make sense because why would she pretend to be wealthier than she actually is otherwise?