To choose convenience over facilities for 3 month old starting nursery?

There are some very unpleasant judgmental posts on here. I never understand why so many people say 'get a nanny'...nannies are much more expensive than nursery and out of reach for many people.

There is a very interesting book called Nurture Shock, I’d strongly recommend you read it.
It is crucial for young babies to form a strong bond with their primary caregiver. For a 3 month old I would have a nanny, no question. In fact I had a nanny for my kids although we could barely afford it! So much better for their care and development. Send him to preschool when he’s 3 if you want but babies need as much care and attention as possible.
you can find a nanny through an agency who will come with references, DBS checked etc. decent Nannies don’t have a chance to slack off! When the baby is sleeping they are doing laundry, prepping bottles or food etc. and the are aware of development milestones, so will read, play, take to baby groups etc.

Well actually that link made me change my mind because I had not realized OP is vulnerable. Run of the mill 3 month old sleep deprivation is very different to being in a house with a DH who isn't safe around her baby. I would say on balance she does need to get the baby out of the house and herself.some rest so she can plan her next move.

I vote for nursery no.1.

@PinkBobby

OP is being pressured by a controlling and unkind partner to put her baby in unsafe situations. Usually I would think that 3 months was too soon for nursery unless absolutely no other possible choice, but I think she and the baby could benefit from having an outside support source / pair of eyes on the baby. Her husband isn’t a safe caregiver. She is exhausted and feeling very low. She needs to know that his behaviour is not healthy or normal. OP I hope you can get some external support

I've added it to show that the OP needs a lot of support. Her husband sounds like a worrying person to have around the baby.

I've just seen your other thread. OK yeah, you need nursery, childminder, anything. Give yourself some space so you can leave that abusive piece of shit you are married to. But please do leave him.

I think this is a really mean thing to do. Post partum women are very vulnerable and I see no reason to add this into this thread unless you were hoping to upset the OP or add to the negativity OP is already facing. Please correct me if you’ve added this for another reason.

We are obviously all entitled to our own feelings about any post on here but let’s try and lead with kindness when vulnerable women are involved.

At that age it's the staff that matter. Have you considered a nanny or childminder. You don't seem taken with either place. Are there others with spaces nearby you can view.

I actually think nursery could be beneficial based on your other threads your husband isn’t a very safe person for your baby to be around tbh. His behaviour is shocking as is his attitude.

‘Tapping’ your baby’s soft spot on their skull at a few weeks old, being told it’s not safe to do so then doing so again while laughing? Jesus Christ. Chilling. Shutting the doors to a weeks old baby hysterically crying to the point the poor baby was sick out of sight?

I really think you need to speak to the health visitor about your partner and be honest with her. Do you want to spend your life with someone so unwilling to prioritise your tiny baby?

Honestly reading some of these comments make me wonder if people out there have had more than 1 child at a time - you don’t get to spend hours on end cuddling the baby when you’ve got a toddler wreaking havoc round your house!! I appreciate the OP doesn’t have an older child to look after but the amount of attention for the baby is the same. I used to have to put my baby in the Moses basket while I played with my eldest.

OP if it were me, I’d go for nursery 1. It’s cheaper, you were happy with it, it’s closer. For such short hours there’s no point in stressing yourself out going to nursery 2.

People suggesting a childminder clearly haven’t seen them all gassing at soft plays and ignoring the children, and personally I wouldn’t want my baby bundled up going out on school runs. Nannies are a fair bit more expensive than a nursery, so not an option for everybody. OP doesn’t need somebody to take her baby for days out etc as the baby won’t be there full time, OP can do baby groups etc on the days baby is with her.

Nursery is not your biggest problem.

Link

Try “How not to f* them up” by Oliver James. Only recommending this book now as you’ve asked for info re nursery vs nanny. This book covers a whole lot more than this but it does explain the difference between a parent v grandparent v nanny v childminder v nursery/daycare set up for a baby (in terms of the impact on them). As others have said, your baby’s needs at 3months totally trump your husband’s reluctance to have someone at home. Having children involves sacrifice and this feels like a relatively small one.

In terms of your initial q re nursery, if you go ahead with that option I’d base it all on the care givers (how you felt about them/the turnover of staff/ratios) and place zero emphasis on facilities. Your baby has very basic needs at this point so you just need to care about the person/people who will be responding to them.

Good luck with your decision!

How is the baby benefiting right now exactly? OP is exhausted, feeling down and depressed and also trying to juggle work so baby definitely isn't getting all of her attention.

Good job you didn't have kids and need to work when my eldest was born. Maternity leave was 16 weeks at the time. In fact many of the current mums of young babies will have been in childcare at that age

I'd choose nursery one. The downsides aren't deal breakers for me.

I worked in nurseries. I wouldn’t put such a young baby into one. This isn’t anything against nurseries in general or you needing to use childcare at such a young age. I just wouldn’t do it because a typical day nursery just isn’t the right setting for such a little one.
I would definitely go for a nanny.. Many of them like to be out and about it anyway rather than say in the house the whole time.

I'm not judging you at all. I know how hard it is. We all do. It's bloody depressing, heartbreaking, never ending and utterly soul destroying at times. I get that. I really do. But I don't think putting your baby in nursery at 12 weeks old so you can sleep is the answer, for either of you.

Of course, if you live in a country such as the US (which I never understand as a first world, modern power, that gives women 6 weeks or something ridiculous as maternity leave) then you do have better choices.

And I completely understand being self employed, my DH is. no paternity leave, no holiday pay, no sick pay. I get that too.

But the baby has to come first, above your need for sleep, and as other pps have said, it's unfair to put it in nursery at 12 weeks just so you can sleep and work better.

Or the other parent steps up and does their share.

Things weren't equal at all when mine were babies as iw as on mat leave and breastfeeding but even then every human needs sleep. Our babies fed a lot at night so husband typically had them a few hours, 10-12 usually they'd do a stint of held, so he'd sit and read or be on his computer with baby on his knee to let me sleep then I'd be up 12-6 as required and he'd have them when they had a decent wake up 6-8 when he'd leave for work and I'd take over again. Otherwise especially with my eldest I think I'd actually have died.

Option 1.
If the staff are lovely and it’s on your doorstep then it’s a no brainier.

For such a young baby I would go with the nursery which has the most experienced and caring staff who are used to having babies. Many people's DC don't usually go to nursery until a bit older (around 8 -9 months) so you definitely want one where staff are used to younger babies.

I would also look very carefully at staff experience levels - lots and lots of very young staff means they are less mature and I do wonder if they are really capable of keeping a level head with emergencies and more serious first aid incidents. They go on courses but realistically at 17 would you be confident in a choking scenario?

Shiny/ newer facilities do not automatically mean a better nursery. Same with daily detailed updates. I've worked (as an agency member of staff) in many nurseries over the years and I've seen the "amazing on paper and with lovely facilities" that every one wants to send their DC to to actually have very poor care, nappies not checked, under ratio, inexperienced staff who despite doing all the food hygiene/ first aid don't have a clue. Staff snapping photos, sat on the iPad creating these lovely detailed updates for their parents whilst the children sit for extended periods in soiled nappies/ distress/ trampled by other children. I've also seen "amazing on paper with lovely facilities" nurseries provide excellent care with fantastic staff. Alternatively I've seen absolutely amazing care given in the "wouldn't touch that with a barge pole it's rough" nurseries.

You need to go with your gut instincts. I would also explore nanny/ childminder options too. Its more home from home and 1 consistent care giver which may suit your baby better.

Honestly, who cares what your husband wants.
He has left your baby to cry, from a few weeks old.

You have a big problem with your DH, going by your other threads.

Don't listen to the unhelpful comments. Especially if you are currently trying to work with a baby at home too.

I do feel for you if you’re struggling. Perhaps people would feel a bit more sympathy if you explored the nanny option rather than just allowing your husband’s pathetic feelings override what is in the best interest of your child.

This.