8 year old has to stay in to study

Sounds like he doesn’t want to play with your DD and is using schoolwork and his parents as an excuse.

Sorry but I also think there might be things going on you have no idea about.

You said they play in each other's houses. Maybe one of the parents has been a bit creepy with this child and they think the easiest way to ensure they don't end up in the house with them again is putting a stop to this playing in each other's houses all the time thing.

On that note, are they telling you every time they move location or go to another person's house? Because I can see a lot of people thinking 8 is young for a free roaming situation. You might trust a few of the parents but not every parent on the street. Or you might trust the parents but what about when a kid says "mum says we can't go on the trampoline today because she's busy in the garden but we'll just go to my uncle's house who lives two doors down".

Or maybe the kid is ND and doesn't actually want to play out often but doesn't want to say, so the parents are helping by making excuses. This was me as a child. I used to ask my mum to say no to friends coming over after school because my social battery was so drained and I couldn't cope with it and just wanted to read my book by myself.

I didn't want to tell them I just didn't want them to come because I still wanted to be their friend and it wasn't that I never wanted to play. I just couldn't cope with it often and needed a lot of downtime.

I'd have happily thrown my mum under the bus to avoid the awkwardness too. In fact I did that a lot. Now I'm cringing at the memory of being so annoyed that my friend had not returned the 20p I lent her that I told her my mum had asked for it back because she really needed it.

There are various other options, from some sort of witness protection situation to night time alien abductions.

There is a difference between posting asking for advice or chatting about random stuff vs. a post like this which is just a veiled and smug way of saying hey I think these people are weird and are parenting their child wrong, who wants to join in with me on judging them?
There’s a ton of context behind how other people do things and you don’t know the whole story. But you are determined to believe that you know better than they do about their child.

A lot of these responses are really depressing. So many people who think that a parent's word has the status of immutable law, and that however controlling/unkind/unfair they are to their child, we are somehow morally obliged not to question it, because "their house, their rules". (I hate that phrase. It basically legitimises abuse because someone is a homeowner or bill payer).

I definitely think that, based on the evidence we have (which obviously isn't exhaustive, but there is enough there for OP, who knows this child, to reasonably form an opinion), this child is being placed under too much academic pressure for a child so young.

This unkindness isn't by any means extreme enough to constitute abuse, so there isn't really much OP can do, apart from looking out for opportunities to treat the little mite kindly and ensure he has at least some fun in his life.

A lot of these responses are really depressing. So many people who think that a parent's word has the status of immutable law, and that however controlling/unkind/unfair they are to their child, we are somehow morally obliged not to question it, because "their house, their rules". (I hate that phrase. It basically legitimises abuse because someone is a homeowner or bill payer).

I definitely think that, based on the evidence we have (which obviously isn't exhaustive, but there is enough there for OP, who knows this child, to reasonably form an opinion), this child is being placed under too much academic pressure for a child so young.

This unkindness isn't by any means extreme enough to constitute abuse, so there isn't really much OP can do, apart from looking out for opportunities to treat the little mite kindly and ensure he has at least some fun in his life.

A lot of these responses are really depressing. So many people who think that a parent's word has the status of immutable law, and that however controlling/unkind/unfair they are to their child, we are somehow morally obliged not to question it, because "their house, their rules". (I hate that phrase. It basically legitimises abuse because someone is a homeowner or bill payer).

I definitely think that, based on the evidence we have (which obviously isn't exhaustive, but there is enough there for OP, who knows this child, to reasonably form an opinion), this child is being placed under too much academic pressure for a child so young.

This unkindness isn't by any means extreme enough to constitute abuse, so there isn't really much OP can do, apart from looking out for opportunities to treat the little mite kindly and ensure he has at least some fun in his life.

A lot of these responses are really depressing. So many people who think that a parent's word has the status of immutable law, and that however controlling/unkind/unfair they are to their child, we are somehow morally obliged not to question it, because "their house, their rules". (I hate that phrase. It basically legitimises abuse because someone is a homeowner or bill payer).

I definitely think that, based on the evidence we have (which obviously isn't exhaustive, but there is enough there for OP, who knows this child, to reasonably form an opinion), this child is being placed under too much academic pressure for a child so young.

This unkindness isn't by any means extreme enough to constitute abuse, so there isn't really much OP can do, apart from looking out for opportunities to treat the little mite kindly and ensure he has at least some fun in his life.

I live in a cul de sack off a cul de sac. When we first moved here I was thrilled that the children opposite asked if DD could play with them. If it was outside in front of the house I supervised.

Well who?

Op you keep saying not everyones idea of living the dream. But it is some peoples idea of living the dream. Stop trying to think that imposing your values onto another family is Ok.
Your idea of some fantastic culdisac world where kids run in and out of each others houses and play in the street is my idea of a hell hole. This other family might be actively trying to keep their kid away from this rabble.

I do agree with you but you should read this recent thread about things that are considered normal but that MN users do not allow their children. It is eye opening and very often sad. Some children have no unstructured time even as teens.

It's not just a great. Being able to play outside not under constant supervision and in an environment where you get to choose what happens, negotiate with friends, learn to deal with conflict without a ln adult to intervene are all huge life skills that are sadly lacking in my many young people's lives at the moment. Having worked at university and seeing how incompetent many young people are at basic life skills I would put playing outside with minimal adult supervision top of my things kids should be doing aged 7/8/9.

I agree, and don't understand the pile on either.

Is anyone else wondering if @ByJoyousBiscuit is the child's parent?

Could there be anything religious or cultural at play here?

DD had a friend at primary school whose free time was micromanaged by her parents. I remember her saying that she never had even one free evening at home after school and she would have loved the opportunity to just chill and not do an activity. Her mum even made her play golf at the weekend. She didn't enjoy it.

This girl struggled to keep friends and lives quite a solitary life now. They are both nearly 25 BTW.

So how often does she knock. Spell it out, give us the full picture. Because your answers are currently really unhelpful. Use your words. They’re not rationed.

Seriously the amount of articles I've read from different experts.

We don't all have to read research papers before parenting.

I think Op needs to mind her own business

I agree with this op this as nothing to do with you.

You're too invested in his life.

Concentrate on your own kid

His parents are obviously happy with what they're doing.