I got married yesterday and I can't stop crying.

I’m so sorry and sending so much love to you all. Hoping some of the many brilliant charities can help guide and support you all. I thought Rio Ferdinand’s documentaries on BBC iPlayer were really good and it seemed like they and other families got so much from support groups, especially the children who’ve experienced similar situations. Remember there are lots of us here for you if you ever need to come online and talk to someone. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this and wish you all the very best, now and for happier times ahead (which will follow, even though it’s so hard to see them right now) xx

Life is so cruel, please use the support that is around you. x

First of all, congratulations on the wedding. Less than ideal circumstances, but still a wonderful occasion to celebrate the love you have with each other.

Secondly, I am so so sorry that this is the situation you are in. It's horrible. It's unfair and it's cruel. Nothing anyone can say will change that.

But you will survive. You will get through it. Even if it doesn't feel like it at times. It will be hard. So hard. But you will be OK, and your children will be OK.

One of my best friends lost her husband in an accident just a few months after they got married. They had one child in y5 at the time. She's three years on now, and while she is of course still grieving her husband, she's also living again, and her son is in high school and doing well.

She told me that all she could do in those early days was get through the day hour by hour. When she went to bed, she would tell herself 'I've managed to get through a day', and at the end of the week she would 'celebrate' getting through the week by buying herself a fancy coffee, a new book - just tiny things to remind herself she was surviving and even when it felt thr world was falling in, she was still there, still holding it up.

I don't know if that's any help, but i know it helped her.

Make sure you are looking after yourself as well. You've just had surgery and you matter. Reach out for support, don't worry about feeling cheeky to call in favours and ask for help. Schools often have a family support or liason officer that at the very least will be able ton signpost you to help and put measures in place to support thr children in school.

Sending you lots of love

I’m so very sorry. Wish I had something more eloquent and wise to write. I hope the time you have left together is filled with as much joy and peace as possible.

I am so sorry x

I have been through the same with 2 primary aged children. It is so hard. Take as much help as people are willing to give and be kind to yourself. I am several years on now and myself and my children are doing well. You will be ok. Sending lots of love.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

I am so very sorry sending you hugs and love x

I am just so sorry OP that this is happening to you. Everything else just seems so trivial in comparison to what you are going through and I send you so much love. Please rely on friends and family for anything you need. Let it out on here too. I wish I could help you through your heartache.

So sorry OP. Congratulations on your wedding. Bittersweet no doubt but nice that you both were able to have that moment together.

Depending on your age, a friend found Widowed And Young a helpful peer support group.

Speak to the hospital, they have people specifically trained to talk to children or can refer you to them. For you speak to the chaplain perhaps, you don’t need to be religious, they are there for everyone, they will be alas experienced in this. I’m so sorry

Im so sorry.

I hope you made some lovely memories to look back on. It sounds like there is lots of love.

There are organisations and charities that can help support you and your children through this. They will also be able to suggest ways to tell them.

Your wedding day will always be so special to you and your DH and so important for your children to look back on and know how much love there was between you.

crying is absolutely ok.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/life_limiting_illness/4729740-the-storm-part-3

This is a thread for the families of people with life limiting illness. It may be an older link but if it has run out of space, go to the last couple of pages and some kind soul will have started a follow on thread.

I'm sure there will be loads of support and advice on there which will help

Sweetheart. It sounds like you have every reason to cry, and if possible the best thing right now would be to allow yourself.
sending huge love to you and yours from another cancer patient x

My husband died two years ago when our DD were two and five. Winston’s wish was great, but maybe get therapeutic support for you. I have been honest and cried with my kids. My case was very different because my husband was an alcoholic. I started with telling them daddy was very very sick and he loved them and wanted to be with him but sometimes people can’t get better. Thinking of you. You will survive, two years in the loss is still a frequent conversation, we all still cry but we have joys as well.

Oh love
I know it's not the dc who are patients at the hospital but it might be worth asking if the play therapist can see them?
Also heard great things about Winston's Wish, they have a page here for telling dc about a parent with cancer: https://winstonswish.org/prepare-death-by-cancer/

Just sending you and yours all the love.

Such a bittersweet way to marry. I’m so so sorry.

It must be doubly hard when you’re recovering from surgery.

It will be hard telling the kids but IME better to be honest with them as you go along, as that’s usually a bit less traumatic for them than not knowing and worrying about what’s happening.

Also helps to make it clear what to expect in terms of their (and your) emotions, so they know they should let it out, e.g. “We’re all going to be very sad and we’ll probably cry a lot. That’s what usually happens and is a good thing as it helps us process it all. So don’t be worried if you see me crying”. Also, make it clear if they have any questions, it’s important they ask you.

My friend found Winston’s Wish very helpful to help support his son who was 5 when his mum died.

Sending strength ❤️

❤️

I'm so, so sorry OP

I hope you have lots of support around you. Anything you're feeling now is valid.

Please reach out for help to everyone around you, you must take great care of yourself whilst you are recovering from your surgery. I lost my DH very suddenly 17 years ago and had to find the words to tell the children very quickly, you will find the words and they and you have a little time to be with him which is precious. I second a PP in saying that it will be alright in time, but that is of no consolation in this moment.

When my cousin’s DH was terminally ill I ordered kits to make silver fingerprints that were made into key rings so that the children could hold those and still touch their daddy’s hand. If you are able something like that and the letters etc that a PP mentioned may be comforting for them in the years to come..

I wish you strength for the journey ahead, please reach out on here too for support, your local church community can be a great support too, but I know that isn’t for everyone.

I am so sorry to read about your situation. It's so unfair. 😪
Is there a Maggie's centre attached to the hospital? If so, please do walk in and get a cup of tea. They are staffed with wonderful people who have been where you are.
For your dcs as others have mentioned Winstons Wish is good and the Daisy's Dream website charity is worth visiting. Their focus is on preparing children for what is to come. They are set up to help you and your dcs through these days.
Thinking of you.

Is there a Maggie's centre at his hospital or have a look at their website.
They are experienced at going through "how to tell the children" after a cancer diagnosis or change in condition

I'm so sorry to read this and sending you strength and love. Please take all the support you can.