Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

You seem to be ignoring the point that this 9yr old child is completely incapable of meeting those norms or understanding the social contract. From what OP has said about the support she has got in place for him, she will have been fighting for help and therapies/interventions and equipment and human support for him for years. His school and his medical team, hopefully his carers and of course OP herself will all know all about the currently available interventions that can help severely autistic children to navigate the world. And they will have tried everything appropriate and some of it has probably had a positive impact! They will keep going and keep trying and hopefully continue to have a positive impact. But that doesn’t mean OP’s son will ever meet your expectations of normal behavior for his age or ever be able to understand the social contract. As an example perhaps he currently can’t communicate his needs using pictures (eg pointing at a picture of a glass of water to show he’s thirsty) but will learn to do this in time thanks to this Herculean efforts of his mum and his teachers and carers. But maybe he we never learn to ask for water with words, or to sit calmly in a café and drink a cup of tea with a friend then argue about who’s turn it is to pay. He still needs a safe stable home and so does OP.

I also think complying with the norm goes both ways and it is, or should be, the norm to accept that some people are never going to be quite like everyone else, and they and their families should be treated with compassion.
What on earth is OP expected to do, gag the child? Give him drugs to keep him asleep longer? If it is not acceptable to make a noise, neither is it acceptable to harangue someone about their autistic child, on a thread where she has asked advice. Saying she must keep him quiet is not helpful advice.

Life isn't fair, OP is doing her best in a hard situation. The neighbour has the option to sell up and move. I do have sympathy for her, but it's not like OP is purposely being a bad neighbour, having wild parties and smoking pot. In the scale of things the neighbour is at fault for lying about bad language and the length of time the noise continues.

I don't frankly care whether you meant he won't be sexually appealing, whether you're saying he will be unlikeable because of his disability, because his behaviours are off putting to you or he won't be accepted.

He doesn't exist to please other people.

He should not have conformity forced on him so that small minded disgusting people can find him likeable.

There are many people who think he has value and brings joy and can exist in his own right.

The clearly 🙄 backpedal won't work with me.

🙄
Now you’re grasping at straws. Nothing sexual was of course implied.

The behaviour will turn people off from wanting to be in his presence, clearly is what I meant.

I’m talking about norms and the social contract, not legal rights.

NOT disturbing the peace, especially in the middle of the night, is the baseline expectation in our society.

It’s worth this woman baring in mind, she doesn’t meet societal norms.

Sorry I must have missed this post early but are my eyes actually deceiving me or did you just say that this boy will be a turn off.

A 9 year old boy.

He doesn't exist for the purpose of turning people on, in literally whatever capacity you intended for that statement to come across.

^^ I was trying to quote the poster suggesting both sides insulate.

Not sure why it didn't work

Fuck me, I am cringing at a lot of these posts. Of course the neighbour is fed up, who wouldn't be, OP has acknowledged that tonnes of times.

Then you get a person with clearly high functioning ASC come in and berate the OP for not shutting her son up, as though its that easy. We're talking about someone with severe ASC here, non-verbal, will probably have to move and bash and hit and punch and kick and bite and scream and shout and squeal 99% of the time, because ... they have severe ASC. OP has been getting up at 4.30am for years, before that even earlier, give the poor woman some credit, she will be fucking exhausted.

Making comments about working, what do you think she'd rather do, have a healthy son who she could drop off at school everyday and go to work, pick him up, do a hobby, have tea, go to bed, get up at 7am and repeat or be in this situation where she is exhausted, beaten up and left to cope mostly alone?

Making stupid suggestions then acting baffled why she doesn't want an absolute stranger (male of course) sleeping in her bed?

I am so very sorry about these stupid, thick, short sighted individuals who have absolutely no knowledge of ASC, disabilities or the world itself. I am genuinely shocked at the vile comments you've been getting and people simply not reading or comprehending your responses. I am just so sorry this is your life and your beautiful boys life, but I'm glad he is happy most of the time.

Again, of course the neighbour is fed up, but really, do you think OPs going to be offered a secluded, detached 3 bedroom house? I'm so sorry x

You keep saying quiet enjoyment of one's home but nobody has the right to a home without noise.

Quiet enjoyment of your home pertains to your landlord not being able to enter or cause nuisance by restricting resources to you.

I've seen you say this quite a few times on this thread and each time you say it you are literally talking about something you've not got a clue about.

This poster should be ashamed of themself, we are not in nazi Germany, don't they think that OP would give her right arm to have a child who sleeps until 6.00/7.00/8.00 am doesn't make a noise and can express himself but it's not what she has to deal with. It's unfortunate for the neighbour but having a go at OP is not helpful.

Ideally they both should. That way, the noise would be reduced to an acceptable level.

Realistically, since this is a house situation rather than flats with paper walls, if both houses have sound proofing the noise should not be too disruptive.

Noise levels are so subjective, and literally anything can affect enjoyment of one's property- from HS2 to coquerels. The law itself does not set out clear rules and neither can it - because of muddy situations such as these.
The world would be such a better place if we were all less entitled. The mere suggestion that the mother of a highly disabled child needs to "make more effort"... the mind completly boggles.

OP, I really feel for you.

For comparison, this is a thread on a similar situation written by a poster from the other perspective. Her approach is far more reasonable and compassionate.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3901139-Neighbours-son-with-autism-and-all-day-verbal-stimming

Your neighbour is being awful.

You can't both be satisfied in this situation.

Nah I’m sorry. Nobody says fora.

Nobody also allows their child to bite them and bruise them without learning strategies to help them both.

Back to your books about autism please.

People who don’t want to hear candid opinions should refrain from posting on large discussion fora.

The OP hasn’t indicated that she’s tried any behaviour modification approaches with the child.

😂

He has no understanding. He wouldn't be able to learn sign language.

ABA is very controversial and not all experts recommend it, in fact, some are incredibly against it.

That depends if the individual is capable of learning sign language. We’ve mastered “thank you” in Makaton so far. He’s 8.

Quick question - are you an expert?

If not, are you somehow more of an expert than people who actually live with and raise autistic children?

I’m hoping you see my point.

I'm very encouraged that you've found some sourced information to read. Best to actually read it though, before commenting. It shouldn't be many paragraphs before you've got a better gist of it.

Again, the actual experts out there offer myriad techniques to establish replacement behaviours that achieve the same end for the patient.

Someone screaming at 4:30am is communicating what, exactly? Couldn’t sign language convey whatever it is, just as well? Apparently it’s used quite often to help people with autism.

https://autismadvance.com/how-to-use-aba-to-reduce-screaming-behavior/

Some children (and adults) don’t meet societal norms.

Some of them won’t speak, work, get A Levels, go to the toilet independently, communicate in the exact way you’d prefer.

Ours shouts at churches. He knows the word “CASTLEEEEEES,” but only if it’s a church. That’s hardly normal behaviour.

He throws his nappy on the floor sometimes. I don’t think throwing poo is normal behaviour either.

Some people aren’t your idea of normal.

Either get over that, or avoid them somehow. But that won’t be happening by them being hidden away.

He is severely disabled. He has no concept of societial norms and no understanding to want to fit in.

He is 9 and enjoys shows aimed towards preschool children. He doesn't understand the concept of video games.

You can't teach a severely autistic child to fit in with societal norms.

Nonsense.

The default in our society is quiet enjoyment of one’s home. The person(s) breaching the quiet and disturbing the peace are the ones in the wrong and the ones that should be exerting themselves to seek a solution.

Vocalising is how some children communicate their wants and feelings.

Until they develop the language required to do that, shutting them up involves cutting off their expression. Which obviously isn’t what most people want to do.