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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

614 replies

Travelenthusiast · 28/04/2025 08:23

Just that really. Mid-30s and we have what I have always seen as a healthy income of £180k per annum (obviously been lower when we were younger and increased over time), and had some family help - about £50k to buy our first house several years ago.

And i’m not complaining about our quality of life- I know we are lucky and can afford a good holiday every year, and a more expensive/ luxury holiday occasionally. DS does a few extra-curricular activities, we don’t have to worry about the food shop total (we aren't extravagant at all) and can afford to eat out a few times a month etc. And I know we are lucky as I grew up in a poor family and understand the stress and implications.

But we have a very modest 3-bed house (with a big mortgage), our car is ten years old and there’s no way we could replace it, we can rarely afford to replace clothes and shoes for us (of course do for DS), days out are thought through to reduce cost, would make pack lunches to take into work and don’t buy shop coffees, we could not afford private school, and often we cut out the eating out to add to savings instead- basically £ is not abundant. And we are relatively careful financially and not big spenders generally. None of this is me saying our life is bad- I know we are really luckily, but just trying to give an idea of limitations / life.

We do live in SE commuter belt (not london) where everything is very expensive.

But we are surrounded by families who have so much more, so apparently effortlessly. We are genuinely one of the only local families without a 4x4 (i know cry me a river 🤣). How do others have it all and have the big house, the new car, endless holidays, SAHM often, the new clothes, meals out, lots of savings? Is it simply that they earn much more? I know we are lucky but I just don’t understand how so many can be so wealthy? Could most of our network really have a household income over £200k?!

OP posts:
Lookingtomakechanges · 28/04/2025 16:15

Missohnoyoubetterdont · 28/04/2025 16:13

She’s bullshitting as she can afford a 15K holiday but apparently not a pair of shoes. 🙄

Ah. If I was covering a 15K holiday out of my income, I would be going barefoot too. Which would work actually on a beach in the Maldives.

Missohnoyoubetterdont · 28/04/2025 16:13

Lookingtomakechanges · 28/04/2025 15:17

I would guess that you have a huge mortgage to pay back OP, because there seems no reason not to be able to afford a new pair of shoes on your income. Also eating out 'several times a month' is expensive.
Have you kept a spreadsheet for a month of all your outgoings? It might surprise you.
And many people with extravagant lifestyles are doing it on credit.

She’s bullshitting as she can afford a 15K holiday but apparently not a pair of shoes. 🙄

WatermelonLolly · 28/04/2025 16:11

SpikySausage · 28/04/2025 15:57

Most people live in debt with absolutely zero financial planning for the future. It's all keeping up with Jones. We have c500k household income and we live like you do but pay off mortgage, save, do up the (wreck of a) house, etc. We (and you) will be glad of it one day i'm sure.

It does make you wonder how it will all pan out when it comes to retirement age…and some people who have earned well will have no pension or savings and huge debts.

Will they have to work until they drop or declare bankruptcy or will they be bailed out in some way?

SpikySausage · 28/04/2025 15:57

Most people live in debt with absolutely zero financial planning for the future. It's all keeping up with Jones. We have c500k household income and we live like you do but pay off mortgage, save, do up the (wreck of a) house, etc. We (and you) will be glad of it one day i'm sure.

Shoppingtoday · 28/04/2025 15:55

Op I know you say you have left the thread but I am wondering how your bills could be so high when you live in a three bed semi and have only one child. It doesn’t add up.

rosemarble · 28/04/2025 15:44

FiveBarGate · 28/04/2025 14:42

To be fair to @Travelenthusiast she's gone to every effort to say she is not bemoaning her own life, merely asking why others seem to have so much more when she earns well and did have help.

I think that's a fair question.

I have often wondered if myself on days out when I see people at the zoo spending £10 a person on burgers rather than a picnic etc. Same with all the extras at trampoline places, farm parks etc.

I am happy I can afford the day out but I do wonder where people get all the extra cash to splurge and how they afford their new 4x4 to drive home in.

I can't help with the answer though as it's also a mystery to me.

OP says she is jealous and wonders how others have it all. It doesn't sound like she is that happy with her lot.

thestudio · 28/04/2025 15:38

ssd · 28/04/2025 08:27

This. In spades.

This is such a limiting response.

She's not necessarily complaining - she keeps saying how lucky she is.

She's asking how others seem to afford much more than she does, and is it from earned income or something else?

It's a completely reasonable question and something that we should all be interested in, given the atrocious inequality in this country.

KimberleyClark · 28/04/2025 15:23

BunnyLake · 28/04/2025 15:15

Why do supposedly intelligent people not understand this? Saying you earn blah blah but by the time the school fees, massive mortgage on our five bed detached house, holidays three times a year, children’s horse, ice skating, ballet, piano and violin lessons are paid for we barely have enough to redo our kitchen, build the extension and have a swimming pool installed. People don’t appreciate that a six figure salary is barely over the poverty line :(

🤣

Lookingtomakechanges · 28/04/2025 15:17

I would guess that you have a huge mortgage to pay back OP, because there seems no reason not to be able to afford a new pair of shoes on your income. Also eating out 'several times a month' is expensive.
Have you kept a spreadsheet for a month of all your outgoings? It might surprise you.
And many people with extravagant lifestyles are doing it on credit.

BunnyLake · 28/04/2025 15:15

toomuchfaff · 28/04/2025 14:24

Because £10k a month is a huge amount of money. Some people live on £10k a year. Do not believe the hype that £10k a month isn't a lot of money.

Just because you spend it and dont have anything to show for it, doesn't make it any less money, it just means you spend it... you could easily make it go further - but then you wouldn't have the stuff you spend it on.

Why do supposedly intelligent people not understand this? Saying you earn blah blah but by the time the school fees, massive mortgage on our five bed detached house, holidays three times a year, children’s horse, ice skating, ballet, piano and violin lessons are paid for we barely have enough to redo our kitchen, build the extension and have a swimming pool installed. People don’t appreciate that a six figure salary is barely over the poverty line :(

BunnyLake · 28/04/2025 15:05

Unbelievable!

Missohnoyoubetterdont · 28/04/2025 14:52

I’ve just seen that OP started a thread about a holiday with a budget of 15K yesterday so she clearly is affording all those nice things she is at the same time, coveting. I’m out. What a load of BS. The OP needs to take a look at herself.

Sherararara · 28/04/2025 14:50

Alwayswonderedwhy · 28/04/2025 14:31

Really? This is clearly a piss take then. What do people gain from doing this. Clearly money does not buy happiness or contentment.

We earn less than half of OP and feel lucky.

It’s attention seeking and fantasist behaviour. OP likely has a sad lonely life and lives to wind people up on platforms like MN.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 28/04/2025 14:46

Travelenthusiast · 28/04/2025 09:30

I’m not going to come back to thread and will ask for it deleting, as don’t want to hurt anyone.

Just ignore the posters who are getting pissed off OP. Reply to people who are responding in good faith.

Im in a lower income bracket that you and see people on the same income or less driving fancy big cars. I assume they get them on lease. Some people manage to pay their mortgage off quickly and then have more disposable income to put towards holidays.

We’d need to see a breakdown of your spending to comment but I can see that won’t be possible in this climate of people digging into you and saying you are being goady/trolling/showing off, which is unfortunate.

FiveBarGate · 28/04/2025 14:42

To be fair to @Travelenthusiast she's gone to every effort to say she is not bemoaning her own life, merely asking why others seem to have so much more when she earns well and did have help.

I think that's a fair question.

I have often wondered if myself on days out when I see people at the zoo spending £10 a person on burgers rather than a picnic etc. Same with all the extras at trampoline places, farm parks etc.

I am happy I can afford the day out but I do wonder where people get all the extra cash to splurge and how they afford their new 4x4 to drive home in.

I can't help with the answer though as it's also a mystery to me.

ACynicalDad · 28/04/2025 14:41

Is it school holidays, because this seems like someone with too much time on their hands. If it's genuine they are wasting a lot of cash, must keep amazon in business etc.

peachie82 · 28/04/2025 14:40

Wow that to me is a huge salary. More than double our combined income. I’m amazed you can’t replace an old car or buy new clothes when earning almost £200k.

oustedbymymate · 28/04/2025 14:39

Your total income is 3 times bigger than ours.

You are taking the piss

FiveWhatByFiveWhat · 28/04/2025 14:37

toomuchfaff · 28/04/2025 14:24

Because £10k a month is a huge amount of money. Some people live on £10k a year. Do not believe the hype that £10k a month isn't a lot of money.

Just because you spend it and dont have anything to show for it, doesn't make it any less money, it just means you spend it... you could easily make it go further - but then you wouldn't have the stuff you spend it on.

Absolutely this! Jfc who on earth is kidding themselves 10k per month "isn't a lot of money" 🤯

My nan always said money doesn't buy happiness and from reading threads on mn I think she was right. People earning in the top % still moaning they "need" more, it's actually nauseating to be honest.

We are low earners, we work around our son with additional needs. Last week he was running around on the beach in Wales, eating beans and mushrooms with toast for tea and he announced it was "the best day in my whole entire life" 🤣

Oh and before anyone asks no we aren't on any benefits and we didn't get "help" with our house deposit etc either.

SauronsArsehole · 28/04/2025 14:37

less Than 20k a yr. well cared for 10yo car. Modest 2 bed house. Small savings. Small pension.

I feel wealthy - not rich, I don’t have fuck you money. But I’m debt free. Get to do things I enjoy (admittedly low cost) have some OK friends, I’m mostly happy. Can buy the things I want. I’m going abroad this year.

difference between me and you is I’ve got enough and I’m not chasing some superficial ideal of what i’m supposed to.

Sunshineandblueskysalltheway · 28/04/2025 14:36

It's because they've got more money than you. And you just cannot believe it.

Inbloom123 · 28/04/2025 14:36

You earn £180k and can’t afford to buy coffee from a shop??? I don’t believe you.

WatermelonLolly · 28/04/2025 14:35

toomuchfaff · 28/04/2025 14:24

Because £10k a month is a huge amount of money. Some people live on £10k a year. Do not believe the hype that £10k a month isn't a lot of money.

Just because you spend it and dont have anything to show for it, doesn't make it any less money, it just means you spend it... you could easily make it go further - but then you wouldn't have the stuff you spend it on.

No one lives on 10k per year, minimum wage is higher than that andthey will have huge state top ups and other freebies.

rosemarble · 28/04/2025 14:33

I bloody hate the posts like "I know 7 million sounds like a lot but wah wah wah.....it really isn't when you take into account [insert expensive things]"