To regret moving DP in to my house

I can't read this anymore. It's more than his refusal to do chores, sulking etc. It's his underlying attitude towards you, and probably women in general. Did you get any hint of this attitude before he moved in? You really see a persons true beliefs and values when you live together as partners, and you have to make sure these are compatible with yours. This is a much deeper issue than housekeeping and rotas, which you are focused on. Why would anyone need a rota to clean a toilet after use! The bj comment is very disrespectful. I would be worried that you'd lose your home if you aren't able to afford to buy him out. I understand that you want to keep an open mind, you know him best, but the rose tinted specs must be removed first. Best of luck to you.

At this point, given your updates, I think he is just testing you (blatantly taking the piss!) to see how far he can push you and it's pretty damn far by the looks of it. I bet he's having a right laugh with his mates.

I don't know what this guy would have to say or do (or not do!) for you to say "Enough, I am worth more than this." You seem to have no bounderies.

You are clearly going to stick with him despite his attitude and behaviour, making endless excuses and allowances for him.

I don't think I have ever seen a thread where a poster has such a clear vision of a life ahead of drudgery, frustration, resentment and misery and yet merrily continues dancing towards it. Good luck to you, you're going to need it.

I missed this from your first thread:

He cooked for himself, no ex, I’m his first ‘serious’ relationship.

In which case, he is way too young and inexperienced to be considered a potential life partner. His reactions to your requests that he step up a bit more are being heard through the ears of an 8 yr old boy in a man's body. He will probably not be fully cooked much before 35 which is too late for your plans. Serious relationships teach us a lot about ourselves and other people. He needs to live a little more. Settling down now would be an all round disaster. He's not a bad person, just an inexperienced late developer and immature.

Please imagine this @JadeySmiles ...

You stick him on the mortgage... does he hand over his cash first, then you do it or does he say the cash is waiting and will hand it over once you've done it?

You stick him on the mortgage and he is going to contribute to servicing that mortgage... how do you ensure he actually does this? Because he could come up with any number of excuses as to why he can't afford his share this month, next month, any month...

You put him on the mortgage and he suddenly drops the love bombing act and starts being an absolute cock, or even abusive... you ask him to leave, but its now half his house, he won't... can you afford to buy him out, thats hard if he won't fuck off, strings you along pretending he'll buy you out. Or if he can't afford to buy you out, won't let you buy him out, and also won't piss off so you can sell the property and give him his half (yup, half) back...

Don't view this as him committing to your relationship - view this as you giving him a HUGE chunk of cash. Does it feel so secure now?

Agree. Men like this one - and many others - are waving more red flags than the Russian army on a Moscow May Day parade and the women tie themselves into a pretzel to make excuses and tell us ‘but he’s sooooooooo kind and sweet and caring the brief times inbetween being a complete and utter cunt and just cling onto those few crumbs they’re being thrown.

Its so depressing in 2025 women are prepared to set their bar so low just so they can have a man in their bed and then wonder why they’re left holding the baby while the resident cocklodger is out cheating and acting like he’s still single but still expects his shirts ironed, his dinner on the table and sex on demand.

Indeed. Anyone who dares say ‘weren’t there signs there before you had 5 kids’ is ALWAYS immediately jumped on with ‘men only become abusive after pregnancy.’ Sure, sometimes. And sometimes, the red flags were waving and ignored.

More old Kent Road with caravan

This

This. They're two separate issues.

Sadly, threads like this one make me feel a lot less sympathetic towards women posting that they have 3 children and their father does nothing around the house

Ok. You’re too blind to see what is glaringly obvious to every single person who has commented.

Youre going to look back at this in a couple of years, baby or not, and wonder how you could have been so silly as to think it was ever going to have a happy outcome. It won’t, but you clearly don’t want to consider that you’re wrong, and that he is not good for you.

He’s not exactly Park Lane with three hotels on…

@JadeySmiles I’m sorry lovely, he sees you as a quick and easy way for him to get on the property ladder. He’s never going to take on half the chores. And he is going to be one of those men who sees everything domestic as your job.

For example I moved into my ex’s house and when our dc was born and we both worked the same hours, I had all the nights and all the weekends with her, apart from prearranged times if I knew I had work to do. If we both had work to do, even if mine was on the calendar first he simply went out to his, and left me to both do mine and look after our dc (or not do extra work, meaning he paid off his overdraft and I didn’t because I had to give up that extra). If I arranged to go out to see a friend or do a class, he would “forget” that he was on home duty and would go out before I got home from work, not reply to texts at first, and essentially force me to cancel my plans. He’d send something like, “dc is with my mum, she’ll bring dc home at 6pm” and then later say oh I went fishing, I went to see my nephews, I forgot we had this arrangement.

Despite liking a show home, if I cooked he would clear the table and no more. If he cooked, I’d stack the dishwasher, wash the cooking pans, and wipe down the worktops. Guess what, on the days I cooked, I also did these jobs.

(it was also my fault if the house wasn’t spotless, and there was financial abuse too. He also had an affair with his friend from work.)

Honestly, while he might change the excuses he won’t change the essentials. I see variations of my story play out so often and I wish I had been on MN at the time because i’d’ve got much better advice than I did. We all think the same because we have seen this storyline so often. Cut your losses and move him back out. If he loves you he will show you that he’s willing to do the work to make amends and change his ways- but I think he’ll blame you for enforcing a boundary that he doesn’t like. He’ll sulk or get around it in passive-aggressive ways like my ex.

If he loves me as much as he says then he will pull his weight - simple.

Yet he laughed at you when you cleaned his shit out of the toilet.

Why did you ask him to move in? Was he making noises about having 'nowhere to go'?

Most renters would just renew thier tenancy, it's not hard.

I am still scared when men shout and scared of sons when they get angry as it was my fault that I didn't stop him, now they older they understand The good thing is my sons actually learnt that's not how to behave and have given me lovely grandchildren who are kind and loving

What have I just read? Why would you stay with anyone who has such open contempt for you? You can be happy alone OP. Please get rid of this cuckoo.

Having been so stupid listening to man who just wanted to live off me and putting up with 17 years of abuse, I have spent years supporting women to see the signs and remove themselves from situation

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be.

So he won't do any cleaning, washing up, anything at all until he is on the mortgage?

I mean surely that is completely crazy, lazy and just major CF territory 😮.

@JadeySmiles If after the 1000+ responses advising you to bin him you still wish to let him stay, mention you are seeing a solicitor about setting up a legal cohabitation agreement. This stipulates legally he has no claim on your house, any money paid is towards utility bills and groceries.

Watch the flare into sulking, hissy fit, how dare you scupper his plans for easy living at your expense.

If this doesn't hammer home what a selfish, inconsiderate, tight arsed git he is, I don't know what will.

Many of us here have been married/in relationships for years and have daughters around your age. We've seen it, some have experienced being used, ignoring advice and then suffering because of it. We know. We care. It's frustrating and heartbreaking that your bar is so low that you are letting yourself be used to potentially such a detriment to your future.

From a mum who would tell her own daughters to wake up & get a grip, please put yourself first.

Not sure why op didn't link the first thread. The idea that he thought he was acting as "breadwinner" because he sometimes pays for a full food shop so innocently believed that op was happy to do all chores alone is embarrassing.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5315699-to-regret-moving-dp-in-to-my-house

She knows she should get rid of him otherwise why come on site. I actually think he has small Penistone he lies about everything else measures in cm but converts into inches lol

Yes yes he will. He will make a significant and fast buck out of OP. It’s beyond belief.

Being afraid of telling fridnds the truth means you are vulnerable and ripe for abuse.

You are prepared to be abused and accept a selfish loser as a partner to save face with friends and tell the truth?

If thats the case sadly you are your own worst enemy.

You will have years of regret ahead of you to ponder why you allowed your ego to stop you protecting yourself.

Ah well🙄🤷🏻‍♀️some women can't be helped.
Good luck though.

OP, he's shown you definitively who he is and how he will be forever. The 'won't do chores if not on the mortgage' because he "feels awkward" is gaslighting bollocks - surely you know that?

This man will continue to leech off you, treat you as his servant and - if you are daft enough to put him on your mortgage - take half the value of the house when you inevitably split.

@cordeliavorkosigan I think op said all he contributed was a bit of shopping. Doesn't actually pay anything towards utility bills/house expenses.