Seeing both families equally

You don’t have to see them equally, you can choose who to spend time with.
It does feel like you are trying to compound the issues with your family though by being quite stubborn in your stance.
Some families are fractured and yours is probably on its way to becoming like that.
The thing to consider with that is if things fall apart with your DP in the future you will likely end up all alone with your dog, and your family will have moved on without you. Your brother and their child probably are having cosy (to use your word) “instagrammable” days together, it’s just you won’t be part of any of those memories.

If you knew that you were going to be going to the park why didnt you just take the dog along with you? Nobody can stop you taking it to a public place where dogs are allowed. The can moan a bit perhaps but you can also ignore that.

Look if you can't understand that some (many) parents choose not to have dogs around their children and that is a perfectly reasonable choice, and also then choose to exclude themselves (not you!) from places where dogs are, then we can't help you.

Simply, your brother and DIL do not want their child around your dog, and that is entirely their choice to make, and is entirely reasonable. You trying to insist on bringing your dog or refusing to come without your dog when you know this is selfish and unreasonable and you are simply not seeing things from their point of view at all.

Your parents are trying to see you separately to your DB -which is reasonable. Indeed they seem to be bending over backwards to try to spend time with you. Nothing you've written says anything else.

What you want, you, your dog, your parents, your DB and SIL and DN all together isn't going to happen - the reasoning behind this is quite reasonable and you need to accept this. Like it or not, dogs (even ones whose owners insist are soppy and wouldn't harm a fly) frequently harm babies and young children and many parents choose not to take that risk. This is reasonable and their prerogative.

You have thrown your toys out of the pram and have basically said if you can't have your own way then you're going to punish them by not seeing them at all.

You sound awfully self centred and lacking in any understanding of anyone's feelings or needs but your own and your dogs. It's a very inflexible view point, very selfish and very much "my way or the highway". It comes across as quite manipulative - "if you don't do what I want, then I'm going to punish you by withdrawing my company".

You've made this decision, not your brother.

He hasn't dictated you can't come if he and his DCs are there; he's said he won't be there if your dog is. For whatever reason, that's his choice to make. You're choosing to not see him and his family because you won't leave your pet at home.

Not everyone likes dogs or wants to spend time around them for numerous reasons.

Your parents won't be here forever. Just remember that.

Although - I do think your brother not letting a dog go to the park with you IS ridiculous.

you are hurt @whodafish OK! I do get that.

but "it seems" you are, actually, punishing your parents because they were rubbish when you had your break-up?

Do your partner's parents really supercede the feelings you have for your own family?

@whodafish just a question. If you were invited to a wedding would you bring your dog?

I think it was down to the dog

Sometimes in families / relationships / friendships, one side has to make the compromise. Another time it may be the other side. Sometimes it may be give on both sides. That's what compromise is. Some give, somewhere, by one of the parties involved for that particular thing.

I have always seen my family every month to 6 weeks.

So you’re making huge issue out of not taking your dog to one outing for 2-3 hours every 6 weeks max?

Forgetting about the dog obsession and the weird brother for a minute, basically you're wondering if you have to spend as much time with you parents as you do with your 'in laws' now your parents have seen what fun you have with 'in laws'?

Although it seems like your parents haven't always been there for you in a way you'd hope or expect, if you do love them, it might be nice to try a bit and not write off time spent with them because you find it dull. It might even rebuild your relationship.

Can you invite them out with your 'in laws' so they can experience what you enjoy together? Not every time but maybe next time, see how it goes?

Or, suggest things you like to them, suggest they try something new rather than a 'stuffy' lunch. tell them: 'Me and John are going to this place on Saturday, would you like to come?

Goodness you really are hard work.

I understand op, I don’t think you’ve been unreasonable at all, your brother doesn’t want the dog, fair enough, so now it’s just you and your dps, which is all a bit boring and formal.
Whereas your in laws are a bit more fun
Stick with what you are doing, maybe ask your dps to your house more, put the ball in their court

How can the parents of an infant / toddler compromise really apart from they have to let a dog near their child or they don’t see you.

You have two options. Don’t see them. Don’t take your dog.

They don’t want their child near dogs and your dog would be much closer than a random one walking by on a Lead. You don’t leave your dog.

The only person who has cut themselves off is you. It’s really not hard to leave a dog for 2-3 hours once a fortnight. You don’t want to. You want your dogs recognised as equal to this human child and they are not equal.

You’d rather have no relationship with your niece/nephew because you won’t leave a dog for a short time once or twice a month. Don’t be surprised when you have no family on your side in the future.

OP you keep changing your tune. You say you were very close. Then you say you were frozen out. You haven't been frozen out you have made a choice. You know say they weren't particularly supportive and only want to see you because you spend time with your in laws. It can't all be true. I think your unwillingness to leave your dog is the problem even if you won't admit it. And a PP has got it right. If you and DH were to split you are going to be very lonely. At some point the dog will also be gone and it will be too late then to pick up with your family.

If you don't want to spend more time with your parents then don't. Deflect her complaints and just say 'ah well, they invited us for a walk or a bbq or whatever and it was fun' and then change the subject. If she carries on, say 'Mum, it's not a competition. Please don't ruin our time together by complaining'.

So none of your family helped after abusive relationship? Even more reason not to see them
Dog etc is a red herring to your family not being there for you
Tell her to stop moaning and be happy see them at all!

Not what you said in your previous post.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5276399-can-i-just-do-what-i-want-for-my-birthday

Well it’s normal for them to feel disappointed that their daughter would rather spend her time with her boyfriend’s family than her own. You can’t control how they view that.

You are very black and white, OP

YABU to bring your dog everywhere. Your DB is reasonable to not want your dog around your baby. Sounds like you don't care about your DB or your niece/nephew.

It's cool if you just don't like your family. You don't owe them your time. I do feel sad for your parents though.