Would you have hung up on me

This might be the most concise, and specific, example of passive aggressive/covert narcissistic behaviour that I have ever seen on MN.

OP I feel for you, I do. But you have to STOP. Please please please try to look at your own words in this post. Be compeltely honest , with yourself if not with us, you don't mean any of this do you? Deep down, you want people to tell you that no, of course you deserve friendships and you have the right to try to talk to her. This is just you, unsuccessflly, trying to get a different response on this thread.

OP, in your other threads you admitted that you kept texting her, then asked if you’d offended her. She said no, she was just busy and needed space. You then sent her an angry text saying she was mean/cruel for not keeping in touch as often as you wanted.

She, understandably, told you she didn’t want a friendship with someone who can’t respect other people’s space and blocked you. You then sent her a card and were upset that she ignored it.

You then posted a million threads on here saying “Is it fair to block someone over one spur of the moment text” and “How long should it take to forgive a friend” and in all of them you are extremely self-pitying and disingenuous and passive-aggressive - just like your replies in this thread.

You have been doing this for months.

This not normal or healthy and you don’t ever attempt to change your behaviour or your way of thinking. It’s obsessive. You need help.

Jesus Christ.

I’d have hung up on you and I’d be seriously freaked out by your behaviour, I’d feel harassed. Blocking someone is a very clear stance, you are behaving like a deranged stalker.

This is the previous thread where OP was told she was being far too intense and verging on harassment and to leave this woman alone.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5193793-have-y-ever-forgiven-a-friend

You are catastrophising. You may not have said or done anything wrong - she might be the problem.

Why she blocked you doesn’t matter. All that matters is that she wants to end the friendship and never hear from you. Leave her alone and understand that you’ll never get answers because she doesn’t want to talk to you. 💐

OP I replied to one of your previous threads.
I am sorry you are upset you sound really distressed.
Yes, you’ve made a mistake but it’s not like you’ve run someone over or clubbed them around the head.
If you want to make friends, start with yourself.
If you can’t work out what’s happened with this friend, but then start calling yourself names, you are not going to make progress.
You could still be sitting here in a year ruminating about what happened with this friend.
I am a pretty decent person and I blocked a friend at some point. It was for repeatedly crossing a boundary but there was a constant background that I was her only real friend, her self esteem was very low, and it got too much for me. And yep if she called me now I would put the phone down.
I have been in your shoes and it was horrible but at some point I thought… no more. And it was hard pushing myself to try new things. I got some therapy. I made myself go out into the world.
Find something to be of service or be in a group. Help at a food bank. Join a choir. Do something to get out of your headspace and into the real world.
You have phoned this friend at a low point. She has sensed it and thought, no. Not again.
So it’s your responsibility to act. Nobody in life owes us anything and having a decent friendship means being a positive presence.
Start with you. The way you speak about yourself jumps from your posts. It’s not helping you.
You are clearly a great mum so start there. Go out there and find something to do, what it is doesn’t matter. And friendships need more than WhatsApp messages. When you meet people in person these confusions happen less.
So try be thinking…
I am good person and I made a mistake.
A friendship ended and it left me feeling hurt and confused.
I have been down and now I’m poorly. I’m going to make a hot drink, have a nice bath or shower and watch a TV show I like and enjoy which makes me laugh.
I am going to write a small list of little things I can do for myself - go to a nice bookshop, check out what’s happening locally, treat myself to a new lipstick.
One of the things that comes from helping others is that it lifts you out of yourself, and it bonds you to others. You will meet like-minded people.
I did this by going to my local church which is outside of my religion and they took me in. There is always something going on, I’ve met some lovely ladies, too.
Today do for yourself what you wanted this friend to do - be kind to yourself and give yourself a fresh chance

I remember them too. OP, in the nicest possible way, you do need help. Why couldn't you see that, even from just from the perspective of self-protection, phoning someone who no longer wants to be your friend when you're feeling ill and low is just not a good idea? I mean, anyone else would have been a better idea -- your GP, the Samaritans.

It seems to me that because you're not fully grounded within yourself, you are not in a good headspace to make or keep lasting friendships, and you are probably difficult to be around. Until you do some work on yourself, that's likely to continue.

Are you male or female op?

Are you able to share a link to the previous thread to provide some background?

On the face if it, you need to leave her alone though!

This, OP, sorry. I think you would benefit from counselling.

Look, you're being incredibly over-dramatic, which most people will run a mile from. It's very hard hearing home truths about yourself, it's not an easy thing to do.

But if you want to retain friendships you're going to have to do some work on understanding, and genuinely accepting where you have gone wrong. (NOT by being over-the-top and saying 'oh yes aren't I awful').

Really listen. Genuinely think about your own behaviour. Genuinely try and understand things from a different perspective. Sounds like you've lost a lot of friends already and the only way to stop this from happening again is if you work on yourself.

Go to counselling OP, it will help you. You clearly can't see how manipulative and martyrish your posts are. It will really help you live a happier life with better relationships if you can recognise your behaviour and then hopefully change it.

This is catastrophising and martyring again. She didn’t say she hated you, she asked for space because you were clearly being very intense. You did not respect her request for space and continued to contact her. I’m sure she felt blocking you was the only way to get the space she asked for and to have you respect it. You have, however, found a way around the blocking to contact her again.

Nothing to do with hating you, though if you keep pushing and pushing I’m sure she will get there.

I notice you've said when you were feeling unwell last year she was the only person you told and had a moan to, if you were seriously ill I'd understand this, but it was a "flu type thing". It sounds like you have been a needy friend, and often the neediest friends aren't there for you in return. When she tried to take some space you called her out on it, essentially throwing a tantrum because you're not her number one priority and now you're violating her boundaries by calling from withheld numbers.

You really do have some work to do on yourself OP, you have no right to demand another's time and its very clear to strangers on the internet why this friendship ended so you need to take your closure from that. Leave her alone and move on.

Your friend tried multiple times to tell you to back off. You were accused of harassing her then, in your previous posts back in October about her. She said she needed space and you said every day without her felt like a week.

Friendships should not be like that. You are putting everything on one person and expecting everything from them. It’s not fair. You continually ignored her requests for space and contacted her anyway and now, all these months later, have done the same.

It is said with kindness that you should get therapy. Work on yourself and it won’t feel so all or nothing with one person. Even relationships should not be like this. Let alone friendships.

Even if she gave you a reason, she might not tell you the truth. Also, you seem desperate to keep this friendship alive, be honest with yourself, if she gave a reason, would you just not try and argue back that you'll change, you'll be better etc?

It is very hard when someone you rely on in life and you think likes you too, removes themselves with no explanation. Unfortunately, in this case, you will not get the resolution you seek.

I've had the same happen to me, my best friend of 20years just stopped talking to me, I messaged her and said i know you don't want to talk to me for whatever reason but the kids keep asking about you so If you still have their number maybe give them a message sometime. She never read it and the kids have never had a text from her either. I was upset, it's hard to get over isn't it? Especially when there wasn't really a reason for it but it's been a few months now and I'm just not interested. I wish her all the best and hope she's happy but I think if she tried to speak to me I would politely message and say I didn't really want a friendship with her again, it would never be the same anyway.
I'd forget about her, if she can do that then your friendship meant alot more to you than her

The fact you say "I have no other friends left" makes me think she isn't the only one with issues with you. I'm not usually one to say seek counselling but I do think on this occasion it could be something very beneficial to you.

All this self-pity and emotional blackmail is not helping. You clearly want people to say there, there and feel sorry for you, and to feel guilty for telling the truth. This is manipulative. Stop doing it.

Most people seem to agree this is the way I should have behaved . Say nothing. Accept everything. Question nothing. that's the martyrdom, 'poor me' that pp mentioned.
But yes respect boundaries do this.

I don't know your particular situation, so I'm not presuming ours are the same. But I have been 'the blocker' on two occasions.

Both friends became overwhelming for me. Attempts to distance myself didn't work and while in one case I wish it could have worked out, she was lovely just very anxious and needy. The other wasn't a good person and while she was (mostly) a fab friend to me, she was so vile and vicious to other people, it was becoming a draining friendship.

I feel guilt that both didn't get the opportunity to discuss the problems, but for me I know I am very easily led back into situations that I don't want to be in, so as not to hurt feelings and so a total freeze felt like my only option. I know that's probably not a popular stance though.