Would you have hung up on me

OP you sound sad and lonely and with low self esteem. I don't know your other threads but reading you call yourself stupid and needy and saying it's your fault for everything is quite sad. I do think you need some therapy but not to work out what went wrong with this friendship, but to help you feel better about yourself and a bit more confident. My daughter is autistic and is often quite full on in friendships and has lost friends who decided she was too needy. She took it to heart and was very hurt by it, as well as blaming herself. She is doing better now she has found her 'tribe' of mostly neuro diverse young people. I think maybe look for some counselling that can help you understand who you are and learn to spot any behaviours (if there are any) that might be off-putting to others. It's not fair really for ND people that neurotypical people are so unaccepting of difference and presentations that are unusual. In the end it's not their fault that their ND gives them different ways of being in the world and connecting with people. Do move on from this 'friendship'. Stop blaming yourself for her choices. Try to find some more accepting friends maybe through a hobby or activity you enjoy. Look for some counselling to help you understand yourself better and feel better about who you are.

@Tiredofallthis101

Hmmm whilst I agree that you shouldn't have rung her and you need to work on being a bit 'needy' we have no idea why she is behaving as she is and I don't agree that it is necessarily about your behaviour.

It’s obviously about the OP’s behavior. There are at least two previous threads on this. The OP was hassling this person when she had said she was busy and then wouldn’t let it drop and was worrying away at it like a dog with a bone and her behavior has been unhinged.

Months have passed and the OP is still unable to face the reality of what has happened which is that her intensity and neediness has pushed this friend away.

Posts like this are not helping the OP at all. She clearly has some mental health issues and needs to radically reshape the way she approaches friendships, probably with professional help, not to fuel the paranoia and low esteem by continuing to obsess about someone who has dropped her and moved on.

You’re right - my bad. It still hurts, I can imagine, but not the same as being ghosted if she’s already explained.

best thing to do now is walk away.

I've just read your previous thread and seen she did say what you had done which was not respecting her need for space. So stand by the need for you to build your emotional intelligence but can see actually she was clear about what she needed and you ignored her needs.

Can I ask how old she is? Because her behaviour is pretty pathetic she could at least have the balls to say I don't want to be friends because 'you did this, you did that, I don't get anything from the friendship anymore" and so on. However, as much as it hurts and you are completely in the dark about why this has happened, would u really want to be friends with her again if this is how she treats people? Rather than actually have the decency to say to you why u aren't friends anymore? At least u would have had some closure on the friendship.

Please forget about her, you also don't want to look desperate which unfortunately you'll start to look like.

Hmmm whilst I agree that you shouldn't have rung her and you need to work on being a bit 'needy' we have no idea why she is behaving as she is and I don't agree that it is necessarily about your behaviour. Who knows. I don't think you should take this 100% on your shoulders- personally I think it is cowardly to just block someone and not explain why or attempt to communicate in any way, as it leaves people feeling lost like you do. It makes life easier for the person blocking but is unkind to the recipient. So I wouldn't assume you are just a needy terrible friend and it is all your fault. I would though work on your inability to just let her go, and also think through the signs in the relationship that all wasn't well which probably were there, which could be her responses to your behaviour or could be that she was actually just not a very nice person and you missed that. Building better emotional intelligence can only be a good thing, even if you aren't at fault.

Read the previous thread she knows exactly why she was blocked, she is just refusing to accept it, same way she refused to give the friend space.

OP I would feel hurt too but you need to leave it now, it sounds like you were quite intense from her perspective and she has moved on. I don’t think you sound like a ‘stalker’ or anything remotely like that but you do need to accept the friendship is done and move on too.

I have a ‘friend’ in my life who I have known for over 30 years and she would say we’re best friends but she has let me (and now my DC) down so many times I’m nearing the end of what I can put up with from a ‘friendship’. I think sometimes we can be a bit blind to what we do to friends.

She wasn't ghosted. Her friend was busy, and Op messaged her saying she didn't message enough. Friend then asked for space due to the intensity and OP ignored her requests. Read the previous threads and all of this one. Withholding her number and calling three times since she was blocked on all accounts is not okay! Op needs help, not encouragement.

I’m the one who’s “dumped” someone as a friend and made it clear I was done.
long history of “being there” for friend but never the other way around, history repeating itself of alcohol dependency denial and just very one-sided friendship.
Am sure she still absolutely doesn’t get it but I am done.
She subsequently got hammered (again) and accused a joint male friend (in convo w him) that we were sleeping together. He called me right away and told me (we live in a smallish community so wanted to limit any damage rumourwise). Very out of character of exfriend to go ‘vicious’ and damaging like that (not out of character to say stuff when drunk and later pretend she forgot though)!

Am happily married - 27 years & counting - no affair (of course!).

Anyways, I am sorry it’s happening to you but please respect your exfriend’s decision to not have contact e you anymore.

You wouldn’t call an ex boyfriend or ex partner like this. Don’t do it to an exfriend. She’s (clearly) done.

For her to just drop you like that with no explanation says a lot about her as a person. She's shown you who she really is. Believe her.
She has, she's shown she's a person who can uphold her own boundaries and won't be guilted/bullied/stalked into a friendship she doesn't want!

This. But OP, this ex friendship is just a fixation your mind has for some reason bolted on to. Forget about it. Your ex friend isn't perfect, nor are you, nor is anyone. It's irrelevant now as to what she thinks or why she couldn't be a friend to you, and it doesn't reflect negatively on you, it just is what it is. It's in the past and should stay there

Move on, let it go, but try to get to the bottom of what is making you ruminate so excessively over a past event. That's what's really causing you pain. Could it be anxiety?

I remember the original thread. Long story short spaniel eyes is the harasser and her “friend” wants nothing to do with her, for good reason!

It can get very very wearing being the supportive friend. Maybe she had to move on for her own wellbeing.
I've got a friend who I need to keep at a bit of a distance or she'd suck the life out of me. I've also got a cousin who I now avoid as she can moan for hours but never actually takes advice on how to improve her happiness.
I feel for them but I have myself and my own family to look after too.
Forget about her before she reports you for harassment and focus on improving your own mental health.

Read the thread. OP has opened multiple threads about the break up of this friendship. OP knows exactly why the friend ended it. OP was, and by the sounds of it, still is harassing this person. Other threads detailed how OP demanded to know why the friend wasn’t texting as much as OP wanted and when the friend told her, OP wouldn’t accept it and sent a nasty text message. Who knows what else was going on, but the friend had clearly had enough by that point and blocked OP.

That was back in October I think and OP is clearly still obsessing - to the point of now starting another thread, this time seeking validation of yet more harassment of the friend via anonymous calls. I suspect if this continues the police will be involved at some point.

OP says they have no other friends, just acquaintances. So clearly no insight into the fact that this is likely a mental health problem needing treatment. Don’t get me wrong - I feel sympathy for OP, but l feel very sorry for the friend who has clearly tried to treat OP fairly before realising that going NC was their only option. That’s on OP, not the friend. OP is the one who has shown who they really are and the friend has believed her.

Apologies if this has been mentioned already, I’ve not read the whole thread.

“Yesterday I was feeling down and lonely I've been sick with a flu thing and am just very down. I remembered last year when I was sick she was the only person I really told as I don't want to moan to family and she checked in on me - by text- and I rang her number withholding my number”

This really stood out to me. Is this the reason why she pushed you away?

You didn’t want to moan to family when you were sick, but were happy to moan to her. When you were sick again recently your first response was to turn to her for support.

Did you overly rely on her for support/moaning? Did she get exhausted with it? Did you also share a lot of fun time together or was it often her having to support you and listen to you moan.

I’ve been the friend on the other side of this and it is utterly exhausting and emotionally draining - constantly listening to someone talk about their problems, never supporting you through your own. I am always happy to be there for a friend and support them, but when someone is always half glass empty and only turns to you for support in bad times….. it is exhausting. Like a fun vampire. Never fun times or chat, never asking about me, just only turning to me when something negative is happening and they needed a rant. I felt like an emotional punchbag.

Im not saying that is what happened with you and your friend. Obviously I don’t know either of you. But that sentence in bold above really jumped out to me. I thought mentioning it could help you - have a good reflect on whether this is what might have happened with your ex-friend. And if so how you can make sure it doesn’t happen again with other friends.

I feel sorry for you as you are making things ten times worse. Its harassment and the friendship has gone because you don't listen. You need to concentrate on your mental health. Start volunteering and doing things for others less fortunate it will give you the chance to see the difference you can make in a good way

@spanieleyes22 it sounds like she believes you have become fixated on her, and no one wants that in their lives. Whether you are male or female, you have crossed a line with her and you can't change that. Leave her be and try and make new friends but also if this is a pattern in your friendships, try and unpick this so you know your boundaries next time

Hi OP. I think some people are being harsh. If you’ve never been ghosted before, you have no idea how much it hurts.

i have a friend I was so close with at university. We drifted apart a bit afterwards but would always keep in touch. Until one day I realised she wasn’t getting back in touch… and she’d blocked me. I heard through another friend she was cutting people out of her life that weren’t a part of who she was now, or something.

anyway, I tried to reach out a few times over the last two years. Nothing. It hurts. But you’ve got to park it and move on. I don’t blame you for reaching out at all.

dont be harsh on yourself and take care xxxx

She doesn’t want you to contact her ever. You can’t fix this. You need to respect her wishes otherwise you will be getting a knock on the door from the police. Close the book now knowing you tried your best.

As Hard as it is you need to move on before it does start to look abit stalkerish. Join some groups in your area or on Facebook there is a lot out there and a lot of people who are lonely and want friendship

I say this in the kindest way possible but I think you may need some support with your mental health. Looking at your past posts you post prolifically, and there's a lot of drama. Are you lonely? Is that why you post so much and harass your old friend. It may be worth seeing if your GP offers social prescribing. It may help your mental health if you try it.

As for your friend. Leave her alone now. You've been very vague about what actually happened. This is clearly a case of The missing, missing reasons, where you're saying you have no idea why you were ghosted but your story indicates otherwise. In your threads you say you have no idea why your friend ghosted you, but you talk about an argument where you had a go at her shortly before she ghosted you. You don't actually say specifically what you said or what she responded with though. I think you're in such denial about any warnings she gave about your behaviour or any reasons she gave for ghosting, that you can't actually admit there was a reason this has happened.

If you don't unpack the breakdown of your relationship, accept her reasons and truly hold yourself accountable, any friendships and relationships you have will likely end this way.

For context previous thread with background

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5230887-still-cut-up-about-best-friend-blocking-me

All those saying 'move on', it's hard to do that when you don't know what you've done wrong. That's personally all I'd want to make contact for; to find out and get closure. For her to just drop you like that with no explanation says a lot about her as a person. She's shown you who she really is. Believe her.

Have you ever been diagnosed with BPD/ EUPD?
you have to accept your friends decision, and move on