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Original poster

Would you have hung up on me

261 replies

spanieleyes22 · 12/03/2025 12:38

So I posted before about a "break up" with a friend of over 15 years around October last. I found it very hard as she wouldn't talk to me or discuss anything she just blocked me on everything. I sent her a Xmas card but no response. Yesterday I was feeling down and lonely I've been sick with a flu thing and am just very down. I remembered last year when I was sick she was the only person I really told as I don't want to moan to family and she checked in on me - by text- and I rang her number withholding my number. I did try doing that a couple of times back when it happened but she never answered just a voicemail message would come on. I suppose I didn't expect her to answer and when she did I was happy and said hi it's spaniel eyes and then long silence and I said please don't hang up but before I finished the sentence she had hung up. I know it was stupid of me. I've been really upset but annoyed with myself too. I know it's time to forget her now she couldn't make it any clearer. I'd just love to know why she feels she has to do this. Whatever happened I don't feel warrants this: I feel it's actually cruel. But I know you all will tell me to stop wasting my time so I'm trying to do that. I id hope for a minute or so but quickly dashed.

OP posts:
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Familysquabbles23 · 16/03/2025 14:41

Hrft but for your sanity, leave it and move on.

HelenWheels · 15/03/2025 11:41

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 15/03/2025 11:09

Can you read the previous threads?

Show quote history

threads?

life is too short

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 15/03/2025 11:09

HelenWheels · 15/03/2025 09:27

can you write her a letter?

Can you read the previous threads?

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 15/03/2025 11:08

Pippyls67 · 14/03/2025 23:03

I believe you. I think it’s all been very hard and I can see you’ve suffered a lot over all of this. You’re not a bad friend and there probably isn’t anything wrong with you and your personality as you put it. People change and their circumstances change. Something went wrong and she really should have done the decent thing and told you what happened so you could get closer and move on more easily. I think if I were you I would write to her home address very briefly saying you respect her decision, you will honour it and no longer make any attempts to he friends but could she just tell you if it was something about you - that you could perhaps benefit from not doing in your future friendships to ensure they are more successful. If you didn’t do anything wrong could she just let you know that for your peace of mind going forward. Then say a very civil goodbye and wish her well for the future. Keep the whole thing totally unsentimental, positive and polite. She may well not reply and if that’s the case you absolutely must put all your energy into trying new things and meeting new people.

Edited

So further not respect the friend’s boundaries even more by sending letters to her house. Great idea. I suggest perhaps read the previous threads. The friend has already told OP why contact was stopped.

HellDorado · 15/03/2025 11:05

I don’t think it’s that unlikely. Ex-friend told OP not to call - she kept trying. She blocked OP - OP rang her from a withheld number. Ex-friend refused to speak to her. What would your reaction be in her shoes if you then got a letter pleading “But whyyyy?! What did I dooooo?!”?

HelenWheels · 15/03/2025 10:16

HellDorado · 15/03/2025 09:50

The letter OP gets in response might be a cease and desist one!

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it might
unlikely though
but it might be worth it, not immediately but in time

HellDorado · 15/03/2025 09:50

HelenWheels · 15/03/2025 09:27

can you write her a letter?

The letter OP gets in response might be a cease and desist one!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 15/03/2025 09:43

@HelenWheels Definitely not.

HelenWheels · 15/03/2025 09:27

can you write her a letter?

Pippyls67 · 15/03/2025 09:16

melonalone · 15/03/2025 09:07

Agree!! @Pippyls67 stop encouraging the OP to continue her harassment campaign! What utterly stupid and irresponsible advice.

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Ok. Message received and understood. Can people stop telling me now please. I am suitable reprimanded. Sorry Op.

melonalone · 15/03/2025 09:07

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 15/03/2025 08:15

This is stupid fucking advice. She’s needs to leave her friend alone not ask her to tell her what she’s done wrong when it’s painfully fucking obvious

Show quote history

Agree!! @Pippyls67 stop encouraging the OP to continue her harassment campaign! What utterly stupid and irresponsible advice.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 15/03/2025 09:05

Pippyls67 · 15/03/2025 09:01

The dates don’t tally up though. I think this has just happened in the OPs life surely? Remarkably similar though.

Show quote history

OP was posting from last summer about the issue has a few threads about it.

Pippyls67 · 15/03/2025 09:01

WhiskerPatrol · 15/03/2025 08:52

Is this your friend?
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5160915-to-ask-if-i-was-wrong-to-hang-up-on-a-friend

The dates don’t tally up though. I think this has just happened in the OPs life surely? Remarkably similar though.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 15/03/2025 08:15

Pippyls67 · 14/03/2025 23:03

I believe you. I think it’s all been very hard and I can see you’ve suffered a lot over all of this. You’re not a bad friend and there probably isn’t anything wrong with you and your personality as you put it. People change and their circumstances change. Something went wrong and she really should have done the decent thing and told you what happened so you could get closer and move on more easily. I think if I were you I would write to her home address very briefly saying you respect her decision, you will honour it and no longer make any attempts to he friends but could she just tell you if it was something about you - that you could perhaps benefit from not doing in your future friendships to ensure they are more successful. If you didn’t do anything wrong could she just let you know that for your peace of mind going forward. Then say a very civil goodbye and wish her well for the future. Keep the whole thing totally unsentimental, positive and polite. She may well not reply and if that’s the case you absolutely must put all your energy into trying new things and meeting new people.

Edited

This is stupid fucking advice. She’s needs to leave her friend alone not ask her to tell her what she’s done wrong when it’s painfully fucking obvious

CaptainFuture · 15/03/2025 07:43

@Facescar77 did you then verbally abuse, stalk and harass your friend?

Facescar77 · 15/03/2025 07:12

OP, I get it. I had a best friend for years, we were like sisters until one day she just fell out with me. No arguments, no bust up, she just sent a one line text saying I never supported her and that was that. I never knew what I'd done wrong. I always felt I bent over backwards to support her and have her back but she obviously felt differently. It still hurts now, over 15yrs later. Loosing a best friend is worse that loosing a boyfriend sometimes but you do just need to move on.

Mervyco · 15/03/2025 03:56

There are friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for life.
She obviously is not in the latter catagory.
Whatever the reason for her distance, it is there and you have to accept it. There are plenty of nice people out there, so go find them

HellDorado · 14/03/2025 23:59

I think if I were you I would write to her home address very briefly saying you respect her decision, you will honour it and no longer make any attempts to he friends but could she just tell you if it was something about you - that you could perhaps benefit from not doing in your future friendships to ensure they are more successful. If you didn’t do anything wrong could she just let you know that for your peace of mind going forward.

Yes, that’ll convince her OP is handling this completely normally… 🙄

Pippyls67 · 14/03/2025 23:03

I believe you. I think it’s all been very hard and I can see you’ve suffered a lot over all of this. You’re not a bad friend and there probably isn’t anything wrong with you and your personality as you put it. People change and their circumstances change. Something went wrong and she really should have done the decent thing and told you what happened so you could get closer and move on more easily. I think if I were you I would write to her home address very briefly saying you respect her decision, you will honour it and no longer make any attempts to he friends but could she just tell you if it was something about you - that you could perhaps benefit from not doing in your future friendships to ensure they are more successful. If you didn’t do anything wrong could she just let you know that for your peace of mind going forward. Then say a very civil goodbye and wish her well for the future. Keep the whole thing totally unsentimental, positive and polite. She may well not reply and if that’s the case you absolutely must put all your energy into trying new things and meeting new people.

Shotokan101 · 14/03/2025 18:58

Explain the original circumstances for the break up or stop whinging about the "fallout"......

steff13 · 14/03/2025 14:40

Pippyls67 · 14/03/2025 07:19

Watch the Banshees of Innisherin on ITV player. It’s a beautiful film and could comfort you. It’s about a man going through the same feelings you’re going through. It’s sad and there’s no happy ending as such but it’s got some ‘resolution’ of a fashion in that he learns to accept it in the end. I feel for you Op. It’s horrible and you’re right it is cruel of her but sadly life can be like that when someone else has issues which they can’t and won’t deal with constructively. Please just save yourself though and move on to better things as you suggest.

I'm curious, what do you think one has to do in order to be justified in blocking someone who won't leave them alone? The friend asked for space, the OP didn't respect it. Only then did the friend block her. Would you expect the friend to just allow her boundaries to be crossed forever?

diddl · 14/03/2025 10:51

My daughter had a friend like this.

No attention was ever enough.

It was a relief to us all when the friend decided to become an ex friend.

berightorbehappy · 14/03/2025 10:11

Whatever went on between you the friendship was actually over in October . To keep going to a place where what you want isn’t available is painful . I wonder why it’s taking you such a long time to accept this ? I wouldn’t have hung up on you and probably would have explained why l couldn’t be friends any more but everyone’s different and this person has clearly no intention of explaining . Stop contacting them and try to move on .

LilacPeer · 14/03/2025 09:59

HarLace1 · 13/03/2025 08:03

Can I ask how old she is? Because her behaviour is pretty pathetic she could at least have the balls to say I don't want to be friends because 'you did this, you did that, I don't get anything from the friendship anymore" and so on. However, as much as it hurts and you are completely in the dark about why this has happened, would u really want to be friends with her again if this is how she treats people? Rather than actually have the decency to say to you why u aren't friends anymore? At least u would have had some closure on the friendship.

Please forget about her, you also don't want to look desperate which unfortunately you'll start to look like.

The thing is, with some people, that isn't a final conversation, its an invitation to try and correct their behviour. Which sometimes is too little too late. Or it might be the lead in to a slanging match about who did what to who and when and who is harder done by. Which isn't necessary.