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AIBU?

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Original poster

Being locked in?

257 replies

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 21:20

New house to us, so please bear with me. DH nipping out the back door and conservatory so he can smoke a Marlboro in the back garden. He locks both doors behind him because he doesn't want dogs to follow. Fair enough, garden is not completely secure yet. He leaves keys in doors so I'm locked in with dogs and I feel trapped. I can't get out unless he turns or removes keys. AIBU to ask him to remove the keys so I can leave when I want?

OP posts:
StElse · 18/02/2025 22:27

Yeah it's weird being worried about being locked in the house for 3 minutes. Especially if he's 'knock and let me out' distance in the garden.
Clearly more going on here.

Does he plan to just never ever get a front door key, then? The 'no point' argument is strange. Like, does he mean there's no point, ever, to have a front door key? Because that's ... an unusual take on front door keys.

If we're wrong, and nothing more going on here, he needs to start asking you to lock him out from inside, and he'll knock when he wants to come back in. Ex and I did that with the same situation: dogs, smoke, garden.

Bryonyberries · 18/02/2025 22:27

Anyone doubting dogs can open doors - yes they can. Both my dogs could (think the older one taught the younger!). They have even rescued me when I’ve accidentally closed the door without the key when I’ve gone on the garden but not locked it (it doesn’t open from outside but does open from inside if not locked). Dogs are very clever when they want to be!

gamerchick · 18/02/2025 22:27

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 21:37

We have a front door that is locked. Previous owner took the only(?) key and DH sees no reason to change that lock as it only leads to a porch door that has new locks "so no-one can get in". Fair enough, but when he's off smoking and locking back doors I (and dogs) can't get out of the house.

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That's not safe. You need exits accessable in case of a fire. If he won't sort it then you will have to.

QueenOfThorns · 18/02/2025 22:27

JandamiHash · 18/02/2025 22:21

You will regret it but here you go

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5273256-to-think-my-sibling-is-being-totally-unreasonable-about-sleeping-arrangements-on-this-trip

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I read it and I wish I hadn’t Sad

Eenameenadeeka · 18/02/2025 22:26

This is a bit concerning, it should just be a 30 second conversation with him and be resolved, are you unsafe? There are places that can help you if you need

Endofyear · 18/02/2025 22:24

I feel there is a lot more going on here - if you're married and both living there surely it's your house too? Of course you should be able to change the lock on the front door!

user1473878824 · 18/02/2025 22:23

Is is cigarette eighteen feet long? It’s minutes.

Nanny0gg · 18/02/2025 22:23

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:09

What should I be fixated about?

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Your horrible husband and how to get away?

JandamiHash · 18/02/2025 22:22

You ok OP? Bit worried about you here

Delphiniumandlupins · 18/02/2025 22:21

Also, of course you should ask him to take the keys out if you feel uncomfortable locked in. If he doesn't want them in his pocket (with his fags and lighter) you can lock the door when he goes outside and he can shout/knock when he comes wants back in. If the conservatory and back door are two separate routes to the garden then he takes key for one and leaves the other key inside with you.

JandamiHash · 18/02/2025 22:21

Whotenanny · 18/02/2025 22:20

A link please, I am too lazy to search 🤣

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You will regret it but here you go

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5273256-to-think-my-sibling-is-being-totally-unreasonable-about-sleeping-arrangements-on-this-trip

custardpyjamas · 18/02/2025 22:21

Open a window if you are frightened to be locked in for five minutes. When my DH started to be at home more I sometimes locked him out because I was so used to locking the back doors when I came in from the garden when I was alone in the house, drove him nuts, I'm mainly out of the habit now. Just ask him not to lock the doors.

Whotenanny · 18/02/2025 22:20

JandamiHash · 18/02/2025 22:19

I’m sorry @dapsnotplimsolls intrusive thoughts won out and I searched for it. I wish I hadn’t. WTAF.

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A link please, I am too lazy to search 🤣

Whotenanny · 18/02/2025 22:20

Come on, now. If you're married then there's no problem changing the locks. Get the same type of lock and then tell him you found the key in a really obscure place.

JandamiHash · 18/02/2025 22:19

dapsnotplimsolls · 18/02/2025 22:13

Don't even think about it - it will drive you insane.

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I’m sorry @dapsnotplimsolls intrusive thoughts won out and I searched for it. I wish I hadn’t. WTAF.

Merryoldgoat · 18/02/2025 22:19

@DazedandConfusedbyPolitics

That you don’t seem to have a say in your home set up, that your husband won’t comply with a simple request, that you are clearly in a very dysfunctional relationship

AppleBlossomMay · 18/02/2025 22:19

Zanzara · 18/02/2025 22:15

This has all the hallmarks of one of those threads that starts off being about something small and innocuous, then suddenly turns into something much more significant.

OP, do you feel generally safe? Does your husband try to control you? Are you in any way a prisoner? Do you need help to leave?

If you have a problem, please believe that help is available to you. Please tell us what is going on..

If you are legally married, then the house will normally belong to both of you.

Please talk to us and explain the situation. 😊💕

Yes @DazedandConfusedbyPolitics , please explain further. I find your posts worrying, help is available if you need it.

Zanzara · 18/02/2025 22:19

Hi @DazedandConfusedbyPolitics . Are you still there? Can you talk to us?

Doodleflips · 18/02/2025 22:18

Catza · 18/02/2025 22:15

I have windows. If someone locked me in by mistake I wouldn't be massively bothered about it. If they did it deliberately, that's an entirely different issue and quite possibly what the thread should have been about.

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But this is what happens, on here, and in real life. People deny, repress and displace.

BubbleGumSplit · 18/02/2025 22:17

You do have a right to change the locks if you live there. If he's refusing prepare to move out. If you are just visiting then stop visiting until he agrees to take your feelings about small basic things into account.

AlteredStater · 18/02/2025 22:17

You should always be able to quickly get out from both front and back doors. You shouldn't be locked in. If you are, then you need to have a major rethink about the door locks and work something out with your DH. It's just not safe otherwise.

Catza · 18/02/2025 22:16

ForZanyAquaViewer · 18/02/2025 22:15

That was a baffling thread. Did she ever come back and explain things in a way that made sense?

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I think we ran out of space before she could. Not that any of her attempts at explanation were successful.

Catza · 18/02/2025 22:15

Doodleflips · 18/02/2025 22:13

I’m genuinely curious with posts like this.
Do people stop and actually consider how to would feel, to be locked in a house without any say in it?
I find it hard to believe that this many people would not be bothered about it.
It’s also clear that there’s more to it.

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I have windows. If someone locked me in by mistake I wouldn't be massively bothered about it. If they did it deliberately, that's an entirely different issue and quite possibly what the thread should have been about.

CoffeeFluff · 18/02/2025 22:15

JandamiHash · 18/02/2025 22:12

Do you have a link? I haven’t heard of that one

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Good luck.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5273256-to-think-my-sibling-is-being-totally-unreasonable-about-sleeping-arrangements-on-this-trip

TriangleLight · 18/02/2025 22:15

Bonkers. If this is real. Just get new locks abd keys