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Original poster

Welp i yelled so angerly at my 6 year old yesterday

143 replies

lalabugirl · 13/02/2025 00:27

I know she is not stupid, but sometimes i kinda feel she is a bit, and i can’t understand always why she does these stuff when she knows what she is doing is bad and will get scolded for it. Well yesterday i lost it.. (i use corn stratch powder under my breast bcs lot sweat..) anyways i had a 500ml bottle of it and it was pretty full, and even if i told my kid 3 times to go to sleep because she ends up having the lights on to read and that ends up she needs to go to the toilet bcs she is not sleeping or trying to. So after i told her to go back up to sleep very firmly, i thought she was sleeping until i smelled something very familiar down the living room, and omg i lost it… powder EVERYWHERE the whole stairs where covered in powder and the second floor and the attic stairs and my bed was litteraly a powder party.. the whole bottle was empty.. its not the first time she throws stuff down stairs last time it was sunscreen but it wasn’t as bad as the powder. I litteraly just don’t understand why she does it!

She is not 2-3-4 years old but soon 7! I litteraly lost it by screaming in anger «goo the F to sleep!» she was crying after that i think she got scared i have never used my voice like that before but i just lost it. Because there was litteraly no reason for her to go crazy with that powder and toss it everywhere, it was insane, powder everywhere, like i just didn’t deep clean that for 2 days ago😭 and know smell and powder everywhere.. i have punished her by no tv and no screen time. I did tell her that sneaking into moms bedrom and take stuff without asking is not ok, and it will get punishment. What else could i have done?

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 13/02/2025 06:45

lalabugirl · 13/02/2025 03:03

@EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness kids are not made of soft cotton. They need to know consequenses of their action.
if i was like «oh babyy what happend!, why did you doo that» she would see me as a joke. Idk what pile to do. When i misbehaved i didnt even get candy for 2 weeks. So im not that strict but strict enough to scold her for her bad behaveour. When she should be sleeping

Had you put her to bed? As in, read to her etc etc ?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 13/02/2025 06:44

Fraaances · 13/02/2025 02:02

Given the circumstances she is lucky that you only yelled at her. At 7 she knows she’s being naughty. She’s much too old to be doing stupid things like that. I’m glad that there were consequences for her behaviour. (Did you make her help to clean it up, too?)

"only yelled at her"...what else are you implying should have happened?

A little anger management for you I think OP, or emotional regulation.

bebopalula111 · 13/02/2025 06:42

Omg she's 6 and whilst she's ruined something that has caused mess, you have massively overreacted and likely traumatised her.

6 is still learning behaviours and emotions, you're supposed to provide her safe space.

Keep things you don't want her to reach out of the way. Lots of items has this disclaimer on it.

Give her a big hug this morning and tell her you're sorry for swearing and shouting and you were upset at the mess caused.

Perhaps you also need some counselling in learning to control your reactions calmly

WhatNoRaisins · 13/02/2025 06:40

Ideally you wouldn't have sworn but I think most people would lose their shit over a 6 year old deliberately doing this. It would be very different if it had been an accident.

GreatScroller · 13/02/2025 06:31

at First I was though yeah you shouted you had a human emotion, so apologise to your child for your over reaction and move on. But no how many consequences does she need because YOU are still angry about it. You’re right kids are not made of soft cotton but your child gets she did something wrong I’m not sure what continual punishments do. You shouted and swore at a 7 year old even though you are a grown adult so perhaps you should have all of your favourite things taken away for a few days right? You also keep saying your child does stupid things. Yes because she is small and her brain isn’t fully developed … yours is. Guess what your child is going to keep making mistakes and they will be annoying and silly. But just because you don’t hit her doesn’t mean that punishing her for days on end is okay. I’m really not sure why you’re dragging it out. I’m sorry that you were hit as a child for doing things children do. But apologise to your child for shouting at her and give her a cuddle and tell her you love her. I promise she won’t think it’s okay to do again but she is likely walking on egg shells for a mistake she made yesterday because you quite obviously are not over it.

Zanatdy · 13/02/2025 06:24

Not unreasonable to shout at her. I’m sure that
most of these posters saying you should have gently asked her why etc. Sorry but no, kids need telling off when they misbehave. Throwing powder everywhere when you’re nearly 7 is not on, and i’d have shouted at her too. Sure, swearing is not good. But we all lose our temper from time to time, especially when you’re a single parent with lots of other jobs to do.

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/02/2025 04:52

Why is your child so angry and frustrated with you that she is throwing your stuff and making big messes to get your attention/exact revenge?

Because that is what it sounds like, and it also sounds like you don't make time for her and probably aren't listening to her - and that will cause frustration which a 6 year old won't be able to put into words.

Create time for her, do a bedtime routine that is not rushed and gives her time. Talk to her and LISTEN to her...

Tell her she can ask you/talk to you if she feels frustrated, rather than wait for her to get frustrated and explode and then pile on a ton of punishments because you're angry.

But telling her that means you do have to listen if she takes you up on it, you can't tell her 'not now/go away/I'm busy' etc.

KaitlynFairchild · 13/02/2025 04:29

How are you being punished? Your actions were far, far worse than hers. What is being done to you to ensure you learn never to swear at, terrifying and emotionally abuse your vulnerable, small child again? You are a single parent, so where can she go for comfort and support when you behave like this?

If you don't know any better parenting strategies than this (and from what you have told us re your upbringing, you have never experienced positive parenting yourself and have no role models to turn to) have you considered asking Early Help services about a parenting course? You could learn age appropriate strategies for managing challenging behaviour without resulting to your current appalling conduct.

Have you apologized to your daughter yet, given her a cuddle, reassured her that you love her and that the shouting and swearing will not happen again?

Original poster
lalabugirl · 13/02/2025 03:15

@EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness and then you have kids and teens who know no boundaries because they never been scolded and have been treated like breakable glass🤷‍♀️ i never say im «okay with emotional abuse»
you can’t always be soft on them or else they will not be ready to face the big world. Not every mum is perfect sometimes we blast as well, we are all humans after all, i usually dont blast like that but this was nonsense shi on her part. So ofc im gonna get mad. Because i know she knows better than that

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 13/02/2025 03:07

Scaring your child is not ok ever. The fact you think emotional abuse is ok doesn't mean it is. Ironic you're punishing her for a lack of regulation when you can't manage your own. Consequences are what flows naturally from an action, like having to clean up. You were horrible to then punished your child and are still punishing her. That's how you fuck kids up not make them into good responsible adults.

Original poster
lalabugirl · 13/02/2025 03:03

@EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness kids are not made of soft cotton. They need to know consequenses of their action.
if i was like «oh babyy what happend!, why did you doo that» she would see me as a joke. Idk what pile to do. When i misbehaved i didnt even get candy for 2 weeks. So im not that strict but strict enough to scold her for her bad behaveour. When she should be sleeping

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 13/02/2025 03:01

You've screamed at, swore at, banned TV, banned other screens, no Cafe, no ice cream, yeah you haven't over reacted at all. Having to clean up is a consequence, removal of screens is punishment, screaming at and swearing at your 6 year old is emotional abuse.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 13/02/2025 02:56

lalabugirl · 13/02/2025 00:41

@nocoolnamesleft may have been a bit much, but i got most mad because it was so stupid of her. She knows but she also a bit grumpy because shes getting punishment now, by no tv and no screen.

So her being stupid isn't ok but you being even more stupid and yelling at and scaring a 6 year old is? Given you yelled at and scared her I think she's already been punished. No need to pile on more.

ThisUsernameIsNowTaken · 13/02/2025 02:53

I don't think the swearing was OK, but I would have shouted and punished her too. Children need to learn that there are consequences to actions. MN is full of threads about teens and GenZers who according to their teachers / parents / managers can't deal with life and have not learnt boundaries. When do you think this should start if not in childhood! Shouting is not "abuse" fgs.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 13/02/2025 02:49

lalabugirl · 13/02/2025 02:35

@Goldenbear i read once in a while but i also need to do chores, (single mum life)

You n ed a bedtime routine and definitely read each night.

Does she have a bath before bed?

Goldenbear · 13/02/2025 02:38

lalabugirl · 13/02/2025 02:35

@Goldenbear i read once in a while but i also need to do chores, (single mum life)

Can't the chores wait, 30 minutes or even 15 is not going to make much difference surely?

Goldenbear · 13/02/2025 02:36

LawrenceSMarlowforPresident · 13/02/2025 02:31

I’ve never understood why some people are so proud of scaring and hurting their children. Of course expressing your displeasure is acceptable. Involving your child in cleaning up the mess would be appropriate too. But shouting, swearing, piling on one punishment after another? No, that isn’t how I would ever approach a situation like this.

Yes, I think it's a bit like seeing them as your adversary which many describe on here. It is very annoying to have to clean that up but 6 year olds do impulsive things.

Original poster
lalabugirl · 13/02/2025 02:35

@Goldenbear i read once in a while but i also need to do chores, (single mum life)

OP posts:
Original poster
lalabugirl · 13/02/2025 02:32

@mathanxiety
I mean from spanks from my mom that i used to get i quickly become very obedient, and got to know better than doing stuff just to do stuff.

im not spanking her ofc

but i can’t always talk soft and ask mild and why she did that and as you said. Because then she learns even parents have their limits and boundaries. And can get very angry over stupid shi like that.

OP posts:
LawrenceSMarlowforPresident · 13/02/2025 02:31

I’ve never understood why some people are so proud of scaring and hurting their children. Of course expressing your displeasure is acceptable. Involving your child in cleaning up the mess would be appropriate too. But shouting, swearing, piling on one punishment after another? No, that isn’t how I would ever approach a situation like this.

Goldenbear · 13/02/2025 02:30

Fraaances · 13/02/2025 02:02

Given the circumstances she is lucky that you only yelled at her. At 7 she knows she’s being naughty. She’s much too old to be doing stupid things like that. I’m glad that there were consequences for her behaviour. (Did you make her help to clean it up, too?)

She's 6 not 7 and is she, 6 being too old for childish behaviour is a bit of a leap! Yes, exasperating but it sounds to me like attention seeking. Reading to her might help.

mathanxiety · 13/02/2025 02:20

Fraaances · 13/02/2025 02:02

Given the circumstances she is lucky that you only yelled at her. At 7 she knows she’s being naughty. She’s much too old to be doing stupid things like that. I’m glad that there were consequences for her behaviour. (Did you make her help to clean it up, too?)

I agree with this.

I don't think you overreacted. It is not ok to create a mess like that out of sheer mischief. And it's not the first time either.

Parents are not bottomless wells of patience and it does children no good to believe there are no limits to what they can do and still be treated with a mild, "But why did you do that?"

You could apologise for swearing, but getting angry and showing it is not a problem.

Original poster
lalabugirl · 13/02/2025 02:20

And yea i did some of cleaning to.. felt it in my chest😭🤣 inhailing all that powder

OP posts:
Original poster
lalabugirl · 13/02/2025 02:18

@Devianinc i swear she was better behaved as a toddler never did nonsense shi like that🤣

@Fraaances yea she didn’t even do these stuff as toddler so she def shouldn’t and is to old to be doing this nonsense, yep i did my mom was litteraly fuuuuming and mad that how could i make her clean that! Since it goes to lungs and blabla.

OP posts:
Devianinc · 13/02/2025 02:15

She’s lucky to be alive but you should see my gorgeous granddaughter