Welp i yelled so angerly at my 6 year old yesterday

And everyone knows the ‘naughty step’ is utter bullshit, pushed by a tv program and a woman who had zero clue about parenting.

@Nodddy do you even know what ‘gentle parenting’ actually is, or do you associate it with some hippy-dippy ‘kids run riot whilst parents smile and applaud their energy’ parenting? Most people ‘gentle parent’ without even recognising that’s what it is.

Op, I Would ignore this kind of advice, the naughty step is just cruel and it won't help one bit with building a strong relationship with your daughter. Anecdotally, most children they behave very badly with anger issues at my DC's schools have had the shouty parents with misguided beliefs that their emotionally redundant punishments are doing anything to help.

@Simplynotsimple I agree with you, I think the original post was edited so I only read that she'd taken tv and screens away which I personally think is reasonable for what happened. Not forever but just for today, obviously.

Unequivocally not, please don't delude yourself that that is the case.

Don't beat yourself up.

Sometimes we lose our temper as parents.

Hopefully the shock will ensure she doesn't do that again.

For the future, try thinking about a more set out ladder of sanctions. Loss of toys, screen time, up to naughty step.

Ignore anyone talking about "gentle parenting." it's just a buzzword for not parenting properly.

Equally ignore anyone mentioning emotional abuse or scaring children. Your daughter will be fine. These people have terribly behaved children, it's a virtual gaurentee.

I agree with this. Too many parents seem scared to tell their children off, shout at them or give them any consequence
Obviously OP doesn't usually shout at her child because the child was so upset when she did. And no I wouldn't be hugging my child straight after they'd been naughty.
Can't say I agree with swearing but the rest of it seems okay.

What a well rounded response to someone giving an individual perspective without assuming it is the absolute. And an excellent way to prove how instantly using antagonistic tones when riled doesn’t yield positive outcomes.

No, but I know as full formed adults, with a vastly superior level of emotional intelligence than a lot of deconstructed adults, they won't be name calling people they don't know on the internet just because they have anger issues stemming from some horrible upbringing!

No one is saying that there should be no discipline, but as a teacher you should recognise what is excessive (beyond the obvious, no one will agree the swearing is ok). A day of no screen time, yes that’s fair. An opportunity to re-earn privileges with an appropriate chore (brushing and wiping the stairs) is also ok. But carrying on the punishment today with no usual treat after the dentist is overkill. Today’s event, encouragement to do something that might cause a worry, being taken over by something that happened and was dealt with yesterday- absolutely unnecessary. The consequences had already been in place, would you as a teacher say ‘Marcus, you can’t chose story time today even though it’s your turn because you threw glitter yesterday. This is despite you missing afternoon playtime as a punishment yesterday’. One consequence for a irritating but un severe action is enough.

But what you are stating as fact is simply not true, 'these days' references are just hyperbolic, I myself was brought up in a way that was pretty liberal for the day, my parents never punished me, they just told me not to do something if it was wrong. I have brought up my DC the same, they are emotionally intelligent, self disciplined and bright so guess what they aren't a problem to their teachers or society, just like I wasn't! There is a difference between permissiveness and being a rational, reasonable parent that tells a child what they did is irritating and wrong and unkind as it has to be tidied up but doesn't see their child as their adversary. Equally, at such a young age I would wonder where I could improve the situation.

I don't think she necessarily did it for attention or because she was anxious. The most likely explanation is that she did it because it was fun!

I despair at some of these replies as a parent and teacher. Children these days have no concept of actions have consequences because parents think disciplining their children is abuse. No screen time for doing that seems reasonable. Swearing at her is obviously unreasonable so you need to apologise to her. It's ok to raise your voice sometimes when you're angry and frustrated, it shows your children you're human too. It's what you do after that matters.

Perhaps some of us think the punishments are unnecessary and extreme and are not needed__ as we have produced well rounded young adults without them. Perhaps you are deluding yourself that they work and don't just damage the relationship with your offspring.

The few people actually trying to help her are at least doing something positive. I agree she's getting defensive in her updates but she's clearly not in a place where she can take shitty comments on board. Those just attacking her with no constructive advice should seriously reflect on whether they're doing anything to help this struggling parent or whether they're just making themselves feel good about their own parenting.

I sounds like there is a big disconnect between the two of you. You firmly told her to go to bed and it sounds like she was maybe hoping that you would connect with her before bedtime, which is usual for kids to seek before bedtime, so she was hurt/angry by her perceived rejection so 'punished' you by throwing your stuff and making a mess. You in turn punished her. It's quite likely that she is biding her time to try and punish you back. It sounds like you are trapped in an unhealthy dynamic. I would really use this time to reflect and work on your connection. Put aside 30 minutes every evening and talk to her in bed about her day, read stories, laugh, etc. Keep trying to find times to connect during the day too.

I work with families of 'troubled teenagers' and so often I hear back stories like this. Angry children acting out, parents punishing and they get stuck in these cycles.

I can say I never hear of gentle parenting being the root of angry defiant teenagers!

I literally suggested a bedtime routine with stories and also stated that it would be highly annoying but I'm unsure if the advice is something the OP really wants or just confirmation that this is ok.

OP literally came on here asking how she could handle it better and yet people are just having a go at her and telling her "why did you even post". She asked for help FFS.

What else could i have done?
OP we all lose our patience sometimes. Even those pretending they're perfect on MN. The only thing wrong was the swearing. I would have had a serious talk with her at that age about what was and wasn't acceptable, but sometimes there isn't time for that. The best thing you can do when you're that angry is remove her from the situation which you did, maybe not in the best possible way, but you got her away from you so you could calm down and clean it up.

Going forward, a bedtime routine might help settle her down and try reading (even just a short story or a couple of pages of a longer one) to get her in the mood for sleep. We have a musical night light that plays songs to settle them down, too.

I don't like threads where posters try to justify smacking ( and also seem to enjoy calling it 'spanking').
Your child is crying out for some proper attention and, instead of talking to her, you scream and swear. If a primary class teacher told little ones to 'fuck off' there would be outrage. Some posters think it is ok because it's a Muuuuuum.
It is really not ok.

They probably feel safer when they aren't scared of their parents which screaming and swearing probably illicit!

You can tell a child not to do something but I would be reflecting on why they did it, am I giving them enough attention as a 6 year old does require quite a bit of attention.

Why are you asking for opinions? You don't like what the majority of people are telling you.

Raising your voice is somewhat understandable, but swearing at a child is always going to be wrong. It's never okay.

And punishments need to be clear and have an end to them. You need to have explained it at the time - randomly saying she can't have things the day after after already saying no TV, no tablet etc is gratuitous.

I think there’s a middle ground.

shouting and swearing is a bit crap but it’s not the end of the world. It IS important that you speak to her more calmly though and explain why you were wrong to lose your temper but that it was extremely frustrating for you. That you’ll try to work on your anger but that she needs to understand that behaviour like that will make people angry.

I think you’ve probably gone a bit overboard on the punishments though unless you’ve already explicitly linked those “rewards” to good behaviour. I always try to link consequences to the behaviour but sometimes I do just go for an outright screen ban too because “you’re struggling at the moment so we’re going to reset and work on spending some more quality time together as a family”.

But also your DC need a bedtime routine and connection. That should be your priority above chores.

She's doing it because of the way you are. Children need attention. If they don't get positive attention they will push buttons for negative attention.
You think your child is stupid. You scream at her. You swear at her.

Wow.

You need to make huge sweeping changes to yourself if your daughter and your relationship with her, are to stand a chance.

Good point about being anxious about the dentist. Maybe if she felt she could talk to her mum about it she wouldn't have thrown the talc everywhere. OP I'm not saying you're a bad mum at all. You're a single parent and it's really hard work when you have everything to do. Just please please make that bedtime routine a time you can spend some quality time with your dd. Reading a story together will be absolutely lovely for you both. Honestly I've been there my youngest wouldn't sleep at all. I used to spend hours. I tried bribing all sorts. Turned out she was terrified of closing her eyes because she had bad dreams. My heart broke for her. She wasn't being deliberately annoying she really was anxious about something xx