DH won’t have my back with in-laws

I would reconsider my marriage if he really goes!

Your SIL sounds like a nightmare. They are taking her side because I can imagine they don’t get to see her child if they fall out with her as she’s such a nightmare. If your DH stopped attending a couple of things you’ve been uninvited too they'd realise SIL isn’t the only one who can change the dynamics.

He is going to family events without you. That is completely unsupportive. I would seriously rethink your relationship. He is being disloyal and by socialising with his SIL, he is giving tacit approval to her defamatory remarks about you that could impact your career.

If I were you, I would voluntarily completely pull back from your in-laws and refuse to allow your little girl to be in their company as she could hear untrue and unfair information about her own mother.

Your DH is being a total dick.

I wouldn't have confronted her at a family gathering. In fact I wouldn't have confronted her at all. It was pointless and it was never going to achieve anything. Did you honestly think she would apologize or change her ways?

I'd have just stopped going to things when she was there and I'd have let other people know what she was doing.

Does your FIL and MIL help,out with finances or childcare? Do you have to see them?

It isn't enough at all and I would be absolutely livid with my DH if this was the pathetic extent of his support for me. Your DH's position should be "If you uninvite my wife, I won't be there either". It's outrageous that after she and your BIL left the previous gathering, your MIL and FIL agreed that she's the problem, but won't actually say this to her - why does she have the whip hand? They should tell her straight that she's the one who started this unpleasantness and unless she stops and learns to behave herself, she won't be invited to future family gatherings. And your DH needs to grow a pair too!

@ByBoldGoldFinch My MIL and FIL dislike her due to her dishonesty, and have moaned about her to me and DH, but they keep their opinions away from their son/my BIL, as they don’t want to risk upsetting him and pushing him away. BUT it appears they are fine with pushing you away from the family unit?? even though they know she is habitually dishonest??? are kids invited to this party?? my kid would certainly not be going anywhere without me! hubby needs to be ditched because he is too much of a sap to stand up for your with your lying sil who cannot come up with one instance of you insulting her child! pil both need their heads looked at, because they are now pandering to a liar!! start getting ducks in a row because this situation is not going to improve any time soon! Your sil must be sitting there feeling so smug that her lies have won through!(the quote is from your previous thread which I did not see but it is very relevant to this thread)

Honestly you didn't do yourself any favours confronting her you actually just niggled for no reason. you were told ignore her you didn't. The uninvited is uour own fault sorry just take out inlaws separate to celebrate easy solved my hubby's family have done this for over 20 years .separate gathering no one divorces I just leave hubby's family to him his problem not mine easy life

@Zanina You might be right that the OP should just keep her distance and watch the fallout, although I’d be worried about the little boy and even the BIL (although it’s his own fault for not dealing with the situation).

If you don't know what to do, just do nothing. But don't beg your husband to talk about this. If he can see that you're moving on from this situation without giving a shit about him or his family, he will come to you himself.

Although I don't like to rock the boat, I think you are your sils karma and you were right to question her. This is just the start of it. Let them pick her (out of fear) over you and the chickens will come home to roost eventually. Just stick around to watch the fireworks go off. And when him or his family try to come to you for family matters, just say I don't know anything can't help sorry. And seen as you have been uninvited to family gatherings, try to see your own family or friends instead to show that you have people of your own to go to. You don't need to fight or explain anything, just quietly but evidently move on and let them chase you / leave you alone.

I'm all for keeping the peace, but this is a clear injustice and you have the right to defend yourself.

She fucking did! And look where that got her!

OP I'd be so overwhelmed with righteous fury that I'd find it impossible to even look at my husband if I were in your shoes. Not because "I don't take no shit", but because this kind of injustice would send me insane. So I'd be separating.

Maybe your DH expects you to roll over.

So sorry.

If you generally get on with your MIL, I’d be tempted to call her and explain that you don’t want to cause a family rift, but you’re really upset because SIL tells lies about you. Ask her why that might be and ask for her advice on what to do about it. Say that you’re also worried about your BIL and his son, because this behavior is unhealthy and damaging.

Having a Mum who constantly lies may create serious problems for their grandchild down the line- genuinely, what if she starts telling lies about his teachers/school/other students/medical professionals, etc. ?

It has to stop, they’re all burying their heads in the sand about a serious issue.

He's a spineless wimp. Tell him you thought you married a real man, and move on.

Either that or waste your life being everyone else's doormat.

Couldn't agree more!

He's a spineless coward

I would lose all respect and probably love for him

How dare he go without you!

I'd honestly be telling him to leave. Haa he said how he sees this play out in the future? Are you just uninvited forever? I wouldn't be letting my child go without me either

Maybe they should ostracize SIL instead of OP.

But they don't.

@Bleachbum totally agree. It's a pathetic and unhealthy way to live. Plus showing her daughter a terrible example if she did

It sounds like there's a consensus among your DH, BIL, and PILs that SIL can't be expected to behave reasonably, and that when she does behave unreasonably the thing to do is ignore it. Even if your DH backed you fully and did whatever you asked about these matters, neither (1) SIL's lying and abusing you nor (2) the family's enabling and protecting her would change. If PILs and BIL have made it very clear to you that no one believes SIL and everyone thinks well of you, perhaps they (and your DH) are thinking that's enough of a statement of support from them.

So, what do you want to have happen? In your last thread you said you wanted to distance yourself from DH's family and focus on your own. If he's aware of this, is it possible he actually thinks that you're happy/relieved to have an excuse not to visit his PILs? If you want him to tell them that he won't attend events where you're not invited (whether or not you choose to go) and that if they want to exclude you when SIL is there they should exclude him too and invite both of you another time, then you may have to spell that out for him. If he refuses to do that, on your specific request, I'd be pretty unimpressed with him.

I totally would cause tension about this and your husband needs to have your back. Let's be honest, people like your SIL carry on like this because they are allowed to. People let them as they want the quiet live and / or they are scared of them. They shouldn't be allowed to.

Part of the reason l divorced my first husband is he had no backbone and his mother was / is vile

Honestly your husband is the issue here. his attitude would have me seriously looking at a trial separation whilst considering divorce. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn't have your back. You're meant to be a team.

I'd also not be allowing my daughter to go with my husband to the in-laws where you'll inevitably be talked about. I'd also not be inviting them to anything you host - birthdays Christmas etc. essentially I'd go entirely NC with all of them as with relatives like that, you don't need enemies.

No! Don’t do this. Pack HIS bag and tell him there’s no need for him to come back from the 60th if he goes.

It sounds like these family gatherings are far too frequent. The last thread was only a week ago and since then there was a family gathering, a family meal and there's a party next weekend. The crux of the problem is that you all spend too much time together. It's really excessive. There was absolutely no need for your husband to go to dinner today.

@Grimshadylady What a load of 'put up & shut up, there's a good girl' 1950s nonsense

@ByBoldGoldFinch I would also be wanting to know why your MIL chose that daughter in law to invite to FIL's 60th, over you? Particularly when you said she agrees with you privately and knows SIL is in the wrong.

Divorce