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Original poster

The double standards on here are getting out of hand

243 replies

SpunkyAmberReader · 30/01/2025 06:52

A male posts that is his wife is grumpy and complains and its immediately the man's fault: "you're not loving enough," "what do you when she complains," "she complains for a reason," "you don't appreciate her enough," "do you get her painkillers when she said she has a headache."

Yesterday I read a thread about a woman who was considering ending her affair because her husband had been diagnosed with cancer and a few posters told her to continue and not feel guilty.

Another poster wrote about her daughter complaining her father / posters husband was always miserable and lots of posters attacked a suggestion that the posters should try to cheer up her husband. The gist was a wife isn't responsible for trying to make her husband happy.

Therr is a really nasty double standard here and in society.

OP posts:
TheWorminLabyrinth · 30/01/2025 07:53

DUsername · 30/01/2025 07:19

I'm afraid I see the occasional double standard on here as far less of a problem than the behaviour of some men towards women.

I have read some truly horrific accounts of abuse from me against women on here. That kind of behaviour is far worse and more damaging.

I also think that you'd find the same sort of double standard on a male equivalent to Mumsnet. Whilst men can and do post on here it is mostly women so the perspective is going to be female. Do you think it would be different amongst men? Of course not.

I very much agree.

Every time one of these "I am here to stick up for the poor boys" threads appears, I wonder if the poster goes onto male dominated forums, reddit, pistonheads, for examples, and piles in to challenge the men about their attitudes and behaviours towards women. Highly doubt that.

bifurCAT · 30/01/2025 07:53

Sorry above post was for @Jellycatspyjamas

JustAskingThisQ · 30/01/2025 07:53

AlisonDonut · 30/01/2025 07:49

This suggests nearly half weren't? So not completely 'double standards' then?

On a different day a different mix of people would give a different percentage of responses.

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If it a man did that, nobody would say it's understandable because he's sad

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 30/01/2025 07:53

This isn't a hive mind. You get different responses because different posters reply to different threads.

mantaraya · 30/01/2025 07:53

Women encouraged to marry for security but when she has more than the husband she's told not to get married

I think context is key here. It's pretty rare that you have an instance where the man has been made financially vulnerable in the relationship due to childcare. It's also a lot less common for women to just get up and walk out on their families.

Normally when women are being advised not to get married on here it's because they're the breadwinner as well as doing the majority of the childcare/housework. In which case fair enough.

Didimum · 30/01/2025 07:52

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 30/01/2025 07:49

Yeah. Female ones.

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Do you want to pop Mumsnet an email to change their info banner then? They might not have spotted it.

Willyoujustbequiet · 30/01/2025 07:51

spuddy4 · 30/01/2025 07:22

Completely agree. The step parents particularly get a rough time of it and I think that's from the women who are divorced and the ex husband has remarried.

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I feel the opposite tbh. I'm constantly shocked at the level of vitriol some step parents show towards their stepchildren. The step parenting board is really an eye opener as to how bad some step mothers are.

bifurCAT · 30/01/2025 07:51

You said women are more likely to be low earners, can suffer domestic abuse, the primary carer... so it's only sensible to have a backup fund to help them should things go wrong.

A dowry is "a form of financial security for the wife, potentially providing her with a means of support in case of her husband's death or mistreatment"... whether the money comes from the family, from the husband's earnings (if a SAHW), or squirrelled away by the wife from her own savings, same result.

DaisysChains · 30/01/2025 07:51

Therr is a really nasty double standard here and in society.

yes there is

and once the nasty double standard against women in society is addressed

I suspect there will be little need of the one against men here

Didimum · 30/01/2025 07:51

Deetelves · 30/01/2025 07:17

Sure….

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Well it is. What more do you want?

A site is for whoever its creators say its for, not simply for what is its largest demographic.

KimberleyClark · 30/01/2025 07:49

bifurCAT · 30/01/2025 07:32

The fidelity posts really highlight this. Like the male strip club one where the woman licked cream off a penis. Half the posts were "forgive yourself, it was one mistake".

It was the same with the poster who got drunk and tried to kiss her ex while his new partner was in the next room,and then told said new partner she hated her. Loads of the responses were along the lines of there there, you’ve done nothing wrong, haven’t we all done something like this, forgive yourself,be kind to yourself, some even tried to make out the ex was to blame for breaking up with her. If a man had done this he would have had his arse handed to him.

AlisonDonut · 30/01/2025 07:49

JustAskingThisQ · 30/01/2025 07:21

Remember the recent thread where a woman pursued an ex that had told her he was partnered. She then got drunk, cornered him alone at a dinner party and tried to kiss him. At least half of responders told her it wasn't a big deal and we all do silly things when we are drunk and sad.

This suggests nearly half weren't? So not completely 'double standards' then?

On a different day a different mix of people would give a different percentage of responses.

BunnyLake · 30/01/2025 07:49

I agree. I can understand that women on here might be more bias towards other women but the double standards over a same scenario situation can be ridiculous. Man unhappy in marriage is his fault, woman unhappy in marriage is his fault etc. Yes men can be arseholes but so can women.

RedRiverShore5 · 30/01/2025 07:49

Most posts on here are from a woman's point of view so will be against men

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 30/01/2025 07:49

Didimum · 30/01/2025 06:59

It’s a site for parents.

Show quote history

Yeah. Female ones.

FellowFallow · 30/01/2025 07:48

🥱

Jellycatspyjamas · 30/01/2025 07:48

It seems mumsnet is based on opinions and judgements.

Its almost as if this site promotes discussion on a range of topics where a whole load of women, and men, can share their views. Imagine any of them having opinions or judgements.

TipsyPlumAnt · 30/01/2025 07:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Didimum · 30/01/2025 07:47

MyBigFatGreekSalad · 30/01/2025 07:42

@Didimum it is literally named MUMSnet.

The only reason men are promoted as being welcomed with open arms is because nowadays we are obsessed with being inclusive.

And it literally says ‘for parents’ in the info banner.

If you don’t care for inclusivity then find another platform.

Starsandall · 30/01/2025 07:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Maybe read the whole post not just my first sentence.

Macrodatarefiner · 30/01/2025 07:46

fairyup · 30/01/2025 07:14

I agree. Women on here are encouraged to have a secret money pot but when it's the other way the man gets a pile on.

Yes this, Women encouraged to marry for security but when she has more than the husband she's told not to get married

Jellycatspyjamas · 30/01/2025 07:45

So, dowry…?

Where on earth did you get that from what I wrote?

JustAskingThisQ · 30/01/2025 07:44

FootstepAway · 30/01/2025 07:31

It seems that many women want women to died more power generally not so things are equal, but so they have the upper hand.

Can you post an example of where you have inferred this?

Right here in this thread. The glee over the "pendulum swinging the other way" and the thoughts like this:

TipsyPlumAnt · 30/01/2025 07:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

oakleaffy · 30/01/2025 07:43

DreamyDog · 30/01/2025 07:15

This place is full of divorcees who hate men. They want everyone to be like them.

I'm a divorcee {Husband had affair} but I don't hate men, or {even ex husband}
I do agree that there is a lot of advice to ''Leave the bastard'' if a man does something mildly wrong.

There are some scrotes about, just as there are some awful women.

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