The double standards on here are getting out of hand

It's posts like this I mind on MN. What do you hope to achieve from this? You want to show you know better?

Have you ever tried being the lone voice on a thread and the amount of direct attacks that gets you? As I have.

If I am having a low mental health day I am not going to post a directly opposing opinion as this will cause a lot of @enko comments mamy outright belitteling my views and over explaining and I don't always want that. I am capable of placing that boundary for myself and putting my own needs above a stranger on mn.

There is a real art in accepting opposing opinions and half the time I don't see it on mn.

Posts like your reply here makes me so sad for the next generation growing up with this types of constant attacks.

Edited for spelling

@SpunkyAmberReader
You want to do something about double standards? Then start working on society. Start campaigning for men to take an equal share in childcare and domestic work so that women don't lose out financially and in career terms when they have children.

That's why women need to have their own money, secret or not. Because if a woman partly or wholly dependent on a man who is able to earn money because of the unpaid work she does, she is utterly screwed if he leaves her, or she wants to leave him.

Support doesn't mean giving a one sided view of things that can ruin relationships because it's so far from fair and reasonable. That's not support in the slightest, that's enabling. To support someone you don't only have to say 'yes, you are right because you are a woman'. That's ridiculous.

It doesn't matter how many times this is pointed out, it's still far beyond the comprehension of a staggering number of posters!

I wish men would not post / be banned from MN all together tbh even if MN wish they were inclusive - is nothing sacred from a male opinion?

Agreed. Apparently women having affairs is totally fine. While men not cooking dinner means you need to LTB.

I agree. Why there’s a need for some to vilify ALL men is a mystery. 🤷‍♀️. \

There are horrible people of both genders. 🙄

It's the internet. The internet has people on it. People differ.

What's with the "misery loves company" comments? I was miserable, I got divorced, source of misery removed. I do not hate men. I have 4 sons, 3 nephews, a brother, uncles, cousins, several excellent male friends and nice male colleagues, of whom I am very fond. I don't even hate my ex; he has issues all right, which sadly overrode his good points and made him very challenging to live with, but I'm convinced he couldn't help it. Some friends have asked whether I'd ever marry again. I tell them I'm saving myself for the millionaire of my dreams, but in truth I can't imagine anyone being worth giving up my independence for.

Men on Mumsnet: I don't have a problem with anyone asking for help or giving their opinion, as long as they don't break guidelines (and I'll be the first to agree that some women on here, as in real life, can be seriously toxic). I'm as prepared to contribute to threads started by men as any other, although probably less likely to have a helpful perspective. However, there are some where certain scenarios, certain turns of phrase, remind me very much of something my ex might have said, which makes me quite sceptical of their side. For the most part I leave the thread once I've identified it as "one of those", as I know it'll annoy me. That's a general comment, not specifically about this OP's previous thread - I dipped into that one and decided I had nothing helpful to say, so didn't.

Lots of posters screaming 'if OP wasn't a woman she would get different answers' missing the point that not many women see their DC a handful of times a month

Lots of posters missing the point that it had nothing to do with how much contact he had but aboudemading a change to their established arrangement to suit her when it didn't suit him as he is working (self employment doesn't mean you can just give up one afternoon work without any consequences). After stating that there is no childcare available and she'd be relying on her new partner to step up for her on her days.

This is exactly how it works. A thread highlighting an issue but posters focusing their response on the one thing they can use to condemn the male.

Course not, 'she' is too busy thinking about kittens, what to make her husband for dinner, and how smart Andrew Tate is.

I have always found it interesting that the oppressed live longer than oppressors. All that nonsense about patriarchy as well. But this is the way it is, unfortunately.
P.S. Still waiting, as a woman, for a chess match between a biological man and a biological woman, to prove that we are intellectually equal :)

This is bonkers.

Women live longer than men because of their biology. It's true in every country in the world, even the ones where women are horribly oppressed.

Most women play in open chess tournaments which means they play against men and women. Judit Polgar (a woman) has beaten Garry Kasparov and Magnus Carlsen. Do you actually know anything about chess?

I understand what you’re saying, but if it was drilled into these men from the day they were born that women weren’t beneath them there may be less of them like that today. As children they see it represented in the media and their home lives that women aren’t the same as men and will likely mix with boys who have the same experiences and consolidate this world view.

Women like Bonnie Blue(?) and Lily(?) who celebrate sexually objectifying themselves as well as the decades of page 3 teenaged girls, mega-popular tv series that are set in the past to get away with the rapes and beatings and taking women as and when the men want to (which was common then), even in fantasy depictions like Game of Thrones - they all feed this perception that an alarming number of men have that women are there to be used. By them.

I’d also suggest the high number of white individuals you deal with is perhaps due to the fact there is a white majority in the U.K. population (if you are here) so statistically it is more likely there would be more, but from the horrifying number of child rape gangs mainly in the north, as well as the disgusting stories you hear about internationally, I think it’s safe to say this isn’t a white male thing, it’s a male thing.

You should see Reddit OP, the women make awful subreddits about men like StruggleFuck, DegradeTheCunt, RapeFantasy, brutalRapeStories, MenAreasupiriorx, WomenAreToilets etc, and have you seen the rape and death threats women send men X, with no consequences....oh, wait....

There are plenty of women on here with double standards, and some unreasonable attitudes towards men. But, there are plenty who don't. However, I can't get myself worked up over it as I've seen the discussions that go on in male dominated platforms, and we are saint like in comparison.

A double standard requires the same person to be doing this. Are you saying you've noticed specific posters doing this?

It's not a double standard if different posters post different opinions.

I don't know OP, I think it depends on the context of the posts. There was another post on here yesterday where a woman had left her marriage after an affair and was wanting her ex to pick DC up from school on one of his few contact days of the month. Lots of posters screaming 'if OP wasn't a woman she would get different answers' missing the point that not many women see their DC a handful of times a month. I think to a degree, men and women's situations are different, woman are expected to put up with more abuse than men. Men generally have more freedom than women.

I haven't looked, does that mean a third are pro affair... or neutral?

You're right, not enough to say 'double standard' per se, but I think the point is that if it were a man (that's the critical point), do you think ANY replies would be "continue your affair while your wife has cancer, you have needs"?

From Mumsnet FAQ:

I'm not a mum - can still I join Mumsnet?

We hope Mumsnet isn't exclusive to mums and indeed we know we have a number of dads who log on and contribute. If it doesn't sound too pompous we think the concept of “mumming/mothering” goes beyond gender so don't feel Mumsnet is too exclusive.

Maybe you should find another site if you don’t like this one’s ethos?

It's only double standards if the same few people are posting rather than thousands of different posters, with different experiences and opinions.

You don't really understand the phrase do you? 😂

I agree with this.

MN has broadened my outlook and, for example, I can absolutely see the importance of a SAHM or one that goes part time for family reasons (like myself) to protect their pensions etc. This educational aspect of MN has been good.

I have actually recommended to a couple of chaps I work with whose wives are SAHM or part-time, that they give some consideration to their long term financial planning and ensure they are paying as much as they can into their wife's pension, as it will benefit them both in the long run. I said that nobody pointed this out to me all those years ago and it is a big regret as I get closer to retirement age.

But I dislike the "all men are bastards" attitude that crops up, as well as the attitude that I see so often that working is the only way to have a fulfilling life, and anyone who CHOOSES to be a SAHM must either be poorly educated, have no drive or be very boring. I actually saw a post the other day that said pretty much that.

I, like most of my friends, liked to have more time at home while the children were small, we definitely don't consider ourselves poorly educated, lacking in ambition or boring. But we do value a happy and secure home life for all our family, including ourselves, and also value our own skills in running an organised home. Most of us have returned to the work place to varying degrees, but I feel it was the best decision for my family as a whole to be a SAHM for a few years, and I dislike the sneering attitude that I often see on here.

I appreciate it's not an option for some but I often think that some (not all) of the snarkier comments against SAHMs are from some who could have stayed home more, chose not to and now have some regrets about that decision.

Ha of course

You're absolutely right OP, the little women are getting carried away with having their own opinions. What we really need here is some male moderators to police us, because men have always been known for their 100% fair views between the sexes, they certainly don't have a real life history of appaling double standards against women.
Poor men.

Don't worry OP the patriarchy is still
Alive and kicking. Women are still killed on average 2/3 times a week by their partner, rape convictions are around 1%, and 3 out of 5 women continue to have been sexually assaulted. Majority of women are in prison for non violent crimes and yet have head injuries.

So don't worry, You are still winning.

This 💯

I've been here 10 years plus and it's always been like this.