The double standards on here are getting out of hand

Well the difference is I often see women blamed for ruining men's lives, for society apparently seeing men as abusers and liars because they speak out, but I don't often see abusive men being blamed for making men look bad.

No, I've not had support other than from my sister and a paid for, expensive therapist (my cost to bare), as well as my very lovely partner. My mum is a misogynist who thinks women routinely lie about rape, and it's so unfair to men, so I know she won't believe me because I loved my dad (she doesn't understand grooming).
Sexual abuse ruins womens lives.

@ImWithGuineaPigsOnThisOne "Shame on the women trying to encourage her to carry on cheating ."

I haven't read the thread concerned, but I suspect I might agree with you because I am strongly opposed to people having affairs. But I am frustrated by the way some posters on here call double standards or condemn women based on a single example. Then NAMALT all the threads and threads about men behaving thoughtlessly/selfishly/unkindly.....and everything up to and including seriously abusively.

Do I blame the sick and twisted men at all for making it more difficult for the good guys? I think that was what you said…… and yes I do but what difference does that make?

I think men are much more likely to commit violent crimes and crimes of a sexual nature. Keep them out of our changing rooms, keep them out our toilets, our refuges, our prisons, our sports and any female only space.

I think it’s offensive my son would lumped in with those people just because he has a penis. He’s nothing like them.

ps sorry I didn’t realise I could see the question above me when I repeated it!

I know. It is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

If I say one thing on one thread and you say the opposite on a different thread, then how the ever loving fuck is that a double standard?

And yet, as you say, such a simple thing appears beyond the ability of some to understand.

I mean, it's not hard, so I can only assume they have an agenda that facts just get in the way of.

Taking comments from a few posters and using them to make out that all of Mumsnet are man hating hypocritical harridans is not a good faith argument imo. The first few posters on the thread you are raging about said no such thing.

Hypocrisy or double standards is when the same poster gives different advice depending on who's asking. Its your opinion that the advice is different when its a man asking; in fact the advice may be different depending on the situation.

Yes, I acknowledge that we’re all seeing this through our own lens and our own experience. I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I hope you’ve had lots of support from family and professionals and I’m also sorry you wasn’t protected.

I still don’t think it means that all men get tarred with the same brush as that evil monster though.

Out of interest, do you blame all the men who sexually abuse (and lie about it) for this percieved image being projected on to your son by society, or just the women being believed when they speak out?

I don’t know if he does (I’ll ask him later) but I was referring to the ‘me too’ movement because to believe all females means to disbelieve all males no questions asked doesn’t it?

But you acknowledge this is very hard to prove, right? My dad sexually abused me from a baby, what evidence am I meant to have of this as an adult? None, so I shouldn't be believed i guess. What does that do to mine and other women's mental health? How about acknowledging our lives can be ruined by this?

@TeddybearBaby "If I’m totally honest it is also because I have a son and I feel he’s being judged through no fault of his own other than being male."

I have a son too, and I don't feel this. In what sort of circumstances does your son feel judged?

In many threads on here this does apply, probably more often than not. However I don't see how a woman who is cheating on her sick husband is any kind of victim. Shame on the women trying to encourage her to carry on cheating .

They also allow non-parents.

Head. Blown.

Of course you can say that as it is blatantly obvious that is the case. Nowhere in my posts have I stated that misogyny does not exist. In fact, I stated that both beliefs are equally abhorrent.
But this thread in particular is about misandry.
At any rate, I agree with you on that note.

So when the poster said some and a minority of women you hear always?

OK, so I could say that some unsuccessful men hate women because these women are better educated, more intelligent and better looking and they would never ever dream of dating these obviously inferior men, and that would be fine as I was offering an opinion, not giving advice? Good to know.

Well I don’t know what thread it is so how can I?

Maybe actual posters who post differing advice towards men and women could be given a short ban. That has to be the same poster, not two completely different people with different opinions. It sounds like there are some people on this thread who might be able to police that.

OPs could post without giving their sex/gender so the advice has to be neutral.

Posters could have to give both kinds of advice in their post. If you are a man, you should ....... If you are a woman, you should ......

Have the people who feel the double standards are a problem got any other thoughts?

Yes, sure….. I believe all women who speak out about SA should be treated with respect and dignity but I don’t believe that means they are automatically believed. There needs to be an investigation etc……. To automatically believe someone when they’re saying anything at all means to subsequently treat another as guilty with no evidence whatsoever and I don’t find that fair. It means an innocent guy could have their whole world turned upside down because they have the wrong genitalia.

If I’m totally honest it is also because I have a son and I feel he’s being judged through no fault of his own other than being male.

Just to be clear, I have a daughter too and if she tells me something awful like this then I’m believing her but that’s in my capacity as her mum and not someone who is a stranger to me.

I try to take a neutral approach to everything, I try not to judge people until I have facts and evidence but it’s not always easy.

I am not offering any advice in that post. I am just expressing my opinion of why some women act the way they do. Very different thing.

Can I just ask, genuinely, why you think it's a movement of women speaking out about sexual abuse that creates the divide, and not the sexual abuse itself? Or is that not what you meant?

More users = more revenue. A perfectly legit business tactic.
Doesn’t mean that there are loads of male posters though. or childless people. Mumsnet is for parents, but the ‘mum’ bit deffo gives it an air of mostly for women.

I think a lot of it is to do with the me too movement. It really has made a divide imo.

In contrast to most of the people posting to agree with the OP, posters expressing an opposing view are providing more details and evidence for their position rather than those posting a ridiculous insult or stereotype such as all bitter divorcees have a short haircut and a clenched jaw.

MN isn't one big hive mind. Individuals have different opinions about different things. There are definitely some hypocritical individuals on here who will contradict themselves based on the sex/gender of the OP, but you really can't say that there are double-standards unless the same posters posted on all the threads you are comparing.

People with common sense and good comprehension skills judge each thread on its own merits. But this is a huge forum filled with individuals from all kinds of backgrounds and with varied levels of intelligence. The nature of this being a support resource means, naturally, some people will bring their personal traumas into their responses.