Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my good friend her husband is on dating apps!

123 replies

BerryMummypudding · 28/01/2025 13:33

My eldest daughter is on dating apps. (She's 25)
She came
To me last night to tell me that my good friends husband has a profile on one of the apps.

I've known the friend for about 30 years. I knew her husband first we went to school together.

In his profile he said he's 10 years younger than he is really and he is looking for younger women. As young as 20.

(His daughter is 22 and son is 29)

I want to tell friend but I don't want to break her heart. She's going to be so hurt. I'm so hurt for her.
What words do I even use!

Is it possible it's not him and someone using his picture. It looks like a professional head shot. (He's a professional man) I say this as the age was incorrect.

Looking all advice please.

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 29/01/2025 09:31

BerryMummypudding · 29/01/2025 07:14

Went to running club last night and took friend for a coffee after. I told her what daughter had found and showed her the screenshots of the profile.

She said he has 2
Phones. One for work and one for personal use. She's gutted. He works in a responsible and professional roll and she thinks this puts is career at risk too. (I'm not sure how but I was trying to be a listener)

She said he charges both phones in his home office so she's going to try and look at them. I never once mentioned fake account but she did and she jumped on the age thing too. I gave all the reasons u guys said above eg. If it was fake it would be more flamboyant.

I told her to have a look at the phones before she confronts him. She said she hasn't seen any unusual payments out of their account so he must have a different bank account too.

You are the best kind of friend. Only shit friends wouldn't say anything.

Original poster
BerryMummypudding · 29/01/2025 11:58

Have spoken to friend today and she is so worried the world are talking about her. She says she's spent the night thinking who else has seen it.

She wanted to search for evidence first but she says she has decided to confront him because she just wants it down.

I'm so sad for her.

OP posts:
Londonismyjam · 29/01/2025 12:03

BerryMummypudding · 29/01/2025 11:58

Have spoken to friend today and she is so worried the world are talking about her. She says she's spent the night thinking who else has seen it.

She wanted to search for evidence first but she says she has decided to confront him because she just wants it down.

I'm so sad for her.

Well better not tell her she’s on here then. Maybe stop this thread now, it’s her story to tell. You’ve been a good friend, wishing her luck.

Curtainqueen · 29/01/2025 12:17

Aside of all the predictable salivating I still think there’s a very good chance this is just a scammer who has lifted the pictures to do romance scams.

Curtainqueen · 29/01/2025 12:22

FeathersMcgraww · 28/01/2025 16:45

Has your daughter got a screenshot of the profile? If so, yes tell her.

I found out someone I was with was on a dating app and aside from feeling devastated that he was clearly looking elsewhere, I also felt completely and utterly embarrassed that being from the same area meant people who know me will have likely seen him on there. Let her know sooner rather than later, it’s his fault for being both a cheat and a shit cheat at that that hasn’t even bothered to try and hide it.

I think you are projecting a bit. We don’t even know if a romance scammer has stolen these pictures to set up a fake profile. Nobody does yet.

Naunet · 29/01/2025 13:15

Curtainqueen · 29/01/2025 12:17

Aside of all the predictable salivating I still think there’s a very good chance this is just a scammer who has lifted the pictures to do romance scams.

Based on what? Scammers don't tendto use pictures of average middle aged men in order to try and scam younger women.

MadeForThis · 29/01/2025 13:33

She doesn't need more evidence. The profile is the proof.

Twaddlepip · 29/01/2025 13:33

Why is everyone so convinced it’s a scammer? That’s considerably less likely than him just being a cunt.

TY78910 · 29/01/2025 14:01

BerryMummypudding · 29/01/2025 11:58

Have spoken to friend today and she is so worried the world are talking about her. She says she's spent the night thinking who else has seen it.

She wanted to search for evidence first but she says she has decided to confront him because she just wants it down.

I'm so sad for her.

Well done for telling her.
I'm hoping this hasn't affected your relationship with her.
I hope he is a bad liar and won't be able to fool her!

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 29/01/2025 14:02

Curtainqueen · 29/01/2025 12:17

Aside of all the predictable salivating I still think there’s a very good chance this is just a scammer who has lifted the pictures to do romance scams.

What would the scam be?

Older men scamming younger women? That's not a dating scam.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/01/2025 14:07

@BerryMummypudding

You did the right thing. All you can do now is to let her know you will support her in whatever decisions she makes, then back away quietly just a tiny bit and let her do what she's going to do. Don't question her or ask for 'updates'. Just let her 'be', even if she never mentions it again.

Curtainqueen · 29/01/2025 14:58

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 29/01/2025 14:02

What would the scam be?

Older men scamming younger women? That's not a dating scam.

Show quote history

Have you any idea how romance scamming works?

Curtainqueen · 29/01/2025 14:59

Twaddlepip · 29/01/2025 13:33

Why is everyone so convinced it’s a scammer? That’s considerably less likely than him just being a cunt.

I'm not convinced. I just don't think you should throw allegations around with zero proof.

FeathersMcgraww · 29/01/2025 15:01

Curtainqueen · 29/01/2025 12:22

I think you are projecting a bit. We don’t even know if a romance scammer has stolen these pictures to set up a fake profile. Nobody does yet.

Show quote history

Not projecting. Just being realistic in that a cheating partner is far more probable than this being some elaborate scam, especially given his profile has popped up in the area they live. Tinder was launched when I was 18 so I have watched this exact scenario happen to all of my friends at least once over the past decade, it’s happened twice to me, and never once have they been being impersonated.

I do hope for OP’s friends sake that this is one of the times where it’s not actually him though.

evtheria · 29/01/2025 17:40

I think you should ask for this thread to be taken down.
Granted it's not super identifiable, but you've already told your friend the issue and understandably she's on high alert and feeling betrayed/paranoid (by husband). There's a risk she could be online one evening and searching for similar situations on the internet, and come across this. Even though it helped you make the decision to speak to her (which I'm glad you did!) she might not see it that way.

CaptainKirkMummy · 01/02/2025 07:37

9

Creamteasandbumblebees · 01/02/2025 07:59

cestlavielife · 28/01/2025 13:39

Asdume someone down loaded it from a public site and is misusing it

Send ascreen shot and say

hey friend...Does your dh know his photo s been stolen for a dating app?

This!

RampantIvy · 01/02/2025 08:14

Creamteasandbumblebees · 01/02/2025 07:59

This!

Show quote history

Please read the OP's updates

PeachBlossom1234 · 01/02/2025 08:55

This exact situation happened to me, I was the wife. My colleague at work saw him and she was mortified at telling me, I was humiliated but I am so grateful for her telling me. It was indeed my husband on the dating app - he gave loads of excuses but then came clean and said he was looking for an ego boost. However he had met someone and when I threw him out he went to her. We’re now divorced and I’m so glad my colleague told me.

In summary, please tell her.

BuildbyNumbere · 01/02/2025 09:27

I would tell one of them you’ve seen it as if it is fake he needs to report it asap and get his picture removed. If it’s real, then that for them to deal with.

Itiswhysofew · 01/02/2025 10:40

She has now told her friend -

BerryMummypudding · 29/01/2025 11:58

Have spoken to friend today and she is so worried the world are talking about her. She says she's spent the night thinking who else has seen it.
She wanted to search for evidence first but she says she has decided to confront him because she just wants it down.
I'm so sad for her.

Vodkamummy · 01/02/2025 13:45

Tell the husband face to face when he is with his wife "hey you might want to see this, it looks like someone is using your photo on a dating site to catfish. Wait for his reaction, it should tell all that needs to be known.

RampantIvy · 01/02/2025 14:03

Vodkamummy · 01/02/2025 13:45

Tell the husband face to face when he is with his wife "hey you might want to see this, it looks like someone is using your photo on a dating site to catfish. Wait for his reaction, it should tell all that needs to be known.

Have you read the OP's updates?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread