I've mad an utter fool of myself

Oh love it was a mistake- we’ve all made them and will make many more! Sometimes we take a risk and it works out, other times it doesn’t but we learn from them - look after yourself

We've all done embarrassing things!! Send heartfelt apologies and then leave it.

Look on the bright side, you didn't shit your pants!!

Get on top of this today! Send his parents a message apologising profusely for causing a scene in their home. Apologise separately to your ex and his gf for your completely misreading the situation and then apologise to your parents. Explain you’ve had a very difficult time recently and you got caught up in the past.

I hope you’re OK. There’s nothing worse than this sort of thing hanging over you though so just get it done today so you can move on, maybe get some talking therapy

Why do people keeping suggesting sending flowers?! I wouldn’t want flowers from a woman who’d thrown herself at my husband, in my own home, and then told me she hated me. Terrible suggestion.

He did exactly the right thing IMO.

If he hadn't, the girlfriend might've thought the trip to the kitchen together was planned. He also ran the risk of the drunken OP trying to blame him.

And why should she sit there not knowing that the OP had tried to kiss her boyfriend a minute ago??

The reason why we are discussing rape is because there are lots of red flags in the way that the OP and what I'd term the enablers are speaking about this incident. Firstly they are saying that her state of mind and intoxication make her behaviour somewhat understandable. They have also ignored him the OP clearly states evidence that the man was clear in his boundaries, but she ignored those overt signs to focus on the covert signals she believed he was sending.

Finally they said that the man was wrong for escalating the incident by immediately reporting that his boundaries were violated.

The pattern of behaviour is very reminiscent of what we see in sexual predators and the people that allow them to continue to harm. They aren't reprimanded for their early, relatively mild behaviour, so this escalates.

Its a quote/saying from someone about how she’s never been hated by a woman she’d want to trade places with, ergo - the only people who are regularly hating are those beneath us, happy, thriving and successful women don’t have time to hate. I’ve seen it going the rounds on the “female empowerment” corners of social media.

Yes this. Anyone with a heart will understand it's a difficult time for you and you were upset and not thinking straight. Id maybe message his mum to briefly apologize. It's ok OP. Don't beat yourself up about it.

It doesn't matter what she said to you, or what you think she meant.

You clearly don't like her.

But please do not make her out to be at fault for anything in your mess.

From what you've written, it's not clear what she meant. You were drunk, she doesn't have English as a first language. Why would you blame her for being really angry with you?

I'm concerned that already you're trying to offset the blame onto her and move the spotlight away from you and what you did and said. That's not a helpful way forward. Own your own actions and take responsibility for them.

You say the father of your child left you because of incompatible lifestyles. What does that mean? Were issues about your drinking involved?

This is really good advice op

I agree and I’m bemused at the extreme reactions and discussion of rape, given the context of them being in the kitchen and the parents and partner in the next room.

and I’m appalled at the folks trying to blame him. Someone even said he was cruel to tell his partner. Clearly not putting themselves in the partners shoes.

if one of my husbands mates got wankered and tried to kiss me in the kitchen too right I’d go straight through, tell my husband and then tell someone responsible to get them to go home and sleep it off.

the op even told the partner she hated her. As she stood sobbing in the kitchen, the partners response was spot on.

for me they handled it perfectly. He declined. Told his partner, they told the parents, to get the drunk op home.

if that makes me cruel then colour me cruel. The op should apologise via message, anything else is excruciating.

He did the right thing immediately telling his girlfriend. It is rare we get to hear about good, honest men.

You sound like you are having g a tough time OP, but your morals are on the floor.

Trying to kiss another woman's boyfriend when she is in the next room and messaging him flirtatiously is disgraceful.

I hope this has been a shock and a wake up call for you. I suggest a great therapist and working on your self esteem. You talk really poorly about yourself, but I bet you're great.

I'm not going to go on, because you have been punished enough by having the confrontations. We all make mistakes and this was a big one.

The g/f's comments are really odd. "Funny how I've never been hated by someone I wanted to swap positions in life with". Sounds as though she thinks he still loves you? I think the one who comes out worst is your ex. Going running to Mummy o say you made a pass. What kind of a guy does that - a total wimp. I would apologise but just to her. He doesn't deserve it. Blame the booze, blame life treating you badly right now and wish her well.

I'd be semi honest.

You are sorry. You are in a bad place following your break up and you know you acted inappropriately.

But I might play down the messaging and how much you've built it up.

I'd say something more along the lines that you drank too much and in that moment felt reminisce for the feelings you once shared.

That you know that was wrong and that you are both different people and that your actions have caused upset to his girlfriend.

That you hadn't realised he'd be there and seeing him so happy stirred these feelings in you but that you know you are deflecting from the breakdown of your own relationship and that acting this way wasn't right or fair to anyone.

Be profoundly sorry but given the wider family relationships I think 'drunken mistake ' is easier to recover from than the more deliberate longer term thoughts.

How are you supposed to know whether you are going to get rebuffed for a kiss until you try?

His girlfriend being in the next room should be a big clue.

' She isn't British and has a heavy accent at times so I struggled to understand her but I eventually said something like "I don't know I guess I'm just jealous cause you're beautiful and have him and I don't" and then I muttered under my breath "I hate you". '

You actually told her that you hate her ?!!!

' She quickly replied to that with "Funny how I've never been hated by someone I wanted to swap positions in life with" or something like that and walked away.'

but I thought she has a heavy accent, and you struggled to understand her
so surely the above is a contradiction

Do you often lean in to kiss attached people then? Or anyone really.

Even if you hadn't be misinterpreting his messages, it would still have been a terrible thing to do, and was at every step as you chose to follow him and flirt. I can't believe the posters here who are blaming him and calling him cruel or a drama llama. He's done nothing wrong and he was quite right to be honest with his GF not cover it up, which would only look suspicious as so often is the case with situations on here where a man doesn't mention such things until later and the take is always 'he must have something to hide'. It's perfectly reasonable for him to think OP was just being friendly as she'd moved on and had a DC with someone else and it was clear he was happy with his GF. To sympathise with OP's loneliness and upset is one thing, but to excuse actively targeting a guy with a GF and then hitting on him when she's in the next room is mindboggling and if a man did similar on here it'd be instant outrage. OP, it sounds like you have good friends as well as your DC and parents (who will come around) so better to focus on them and get yourself back on an even keel. It's not long since your break-up and the last thing you need is another man to make that better. You're not ready and need to get your head straight. Try to think that you'll look back on this as a tough but necessary rock bottom that you can rise up from into a much better place.

Were the parents not friends before their relationship? I didn't see that stated.

Or do you think that's irrelevant and they should have distanced themselves when their children's relationship broke down?

I'm trying to imagine my nan never speaking to her next door neighbour because my summer fling with her visiting grandson didn't survive when he went back to finish sixth form.

Op was sufficiently clear it was clear even for ESOL person

i don’t think she kissed him though.

I don’t think leaning in to kiss someone or attempting to kiss someone, is a sexual assault no matter if it was male for female.
otherwise the whole world would be guilty of that ?
Forcing it in any way, yes. But this is completely not the case and their families were there, she was not threatening him and the kiss never even connected (if I read that correctly)

it’s still burning embarrassing but not an assault. (In my opinion)

For the love of god not another insta message.