I've mad an utter fool of myself

@MangoAndMelon @KarlaKK @ThreeCheersFor5Years

I'm a nice person who made a mistake st reading and asked a question. I wasn't nasty to anyone. Do you really have to pile on? Especially when you didn't even help answer for me.

I agree with you @KarlaKK . It’s nice if your parents have your back when the chips are down, even if you flung them there yourself! And they likely want a strong word the next day when you have sobered up!

A psychologist might say that the wound of being left after 4 years by a man saying “our lifestyles didn’t match” was reopened by seeing said man “all loved up” in front of OP. She knows it doesn’t excuse but it’s likely part of why OP seriously acted out on the evening.

Well she was lol

I’m surprised you need to keep explaining it to people. It is clear what she meant. She was pointing out you’re envious of her and she doesn’t wish to be you at thay moment.

it was a clever response. And you need to look at it in context of the situation. You were drunk, made a pass at her partner, had been trying to flirt with him in the lead up, something she likely fully knows, and sobbing in the kitchen. With all your parents next door. Of course right there she didn’t wish to be you. Even you , in hindsight , wouldn’t wish to be you in that moment when you reflect back.

and it was a smart retort to you telling her you hated her as she was beautiful and “had him” and your behaviour of steadily trying to get with her partner.

I've known men that would have laughed this all off as well. Left the kitchen and had a quiet word with her mum and dad about you feeling a bit sick and probably time to get you home to bed. Wrapped the evening up. Saved your humiliation.

People are calling it a mistake, because it is, but not a 'minor mistake', because it isn't.

What you did was wrong but I don't think he should have told everyone then and there. I also don't think the girlfriend should have gone into the kitchen to speak to you either.

How big is this house that while you and the ex are in the kitchen no one can hear what is going on, that the girlfriend then goes in there (his parents should have handled the situation better and so should have your parents - as in getting you out of there pronto, with much apologies on the way, saying "she's not been herself lately, too much drink, thanks for a lovely evening, see you soon"). If I'd done what you did my parents would have got me out of there, not allowed the girlfriend access to me - that was never going to go well.

I'd text him to say something like "I'm mortified. Far too much alcohol and under some stress - apologies to you and your girlfriend." Then get off his Instagram. I'd ask my mother to apologise to his parents unless you are close to them and basically say the same thing. If they know you then they'll know it is out of character. Then go and lick your wounds and get on with life. It might make you cringe in the future though but avoid them at all costs and try and forget it and move on. What else can you do?

Well I guess we are all different, and some clearly feel it is their place in the girlfriend’s situation to get directly involved. Most men I know though would have said, right, taxi for you OP and a black coffee while we wait, and then told girlfriend afterwards at the end of the night.

If you truly believe this is sexual assault (like you stated) you would believe the police needed to be called. I am not defending the OP just pointing out your ridiculousness, it is clear how ashamed the OP feels already and the last thing she needs is your nonsense. Please stop with this waffles crap as well.

It’s not drama if they are delivered by someone else. It’s good manners. Reinforcing that you know you have behaved really badly and caused someone upset.

Apologies to the parents by text message.

No excuses.

I am not sure how you should contact the couple, maybe add your apology message to his parents message.

This is an opportunity for you to help yourself, let it go, don't bombard friends with messages, speak to a profession.

There are charities that can offer cheaper counselling services.

Don’t worry, I’m not sure I’m a big enough person to sit there passively either, when some woman has clearly seen my happy life and relationship and judged it to be suitable collateral in her dysregulated rampage.

OP basically said “you are insignificant, only my pain matters” with her actions.

Just a nice gesture from someone that has put their hands up and admitted ‘I got it wrong, I’m sorry’.

It will pass OP.
Make your formal apologies and it will become easier to just put it behind you. We all make mistakes. We all have something from our pasts that can still occasionally make us cringe. It’s what helps make us human.

I do think your parents could have spared you the embarrassment of dinner with his parents by not pushing for an invite for you. Very tactless of them to think that was a good idea in the first place. And it certainly wasn’t a good idea to include you on going back to his place for more wine. They could have taken you home at that stage. So I feel they didn’t really have your back.

Do something positive for yourself, have a fresh start with something, make new friends, take up running, join a new class. Good luck to you and your little one.

He is over the shock, by now, surely, and you have given them some drama to discuss where they both feel all righteous. Why his girlfriend feels she can come and stick the boot in, well I would have sat quietly and mind my own business I think

You'd have sat quietly as your DP's ex tries to kiss him and says she hates you? Yeah right. I think they were pretty restrained. Why does OP get to be drunkenly out of control yet they are meant to be the model of fine manners and brush it off???

So the man coped immediately and pushed you away, both he and his girlfriend told you off at the time and I think like some other posters there was no need to involve both sets of parents.

“I hate you” was a bit unfortunate as you voiced what you were feeling, wish we could take that back - but I think the girlfriend was unnecessarily nasty to someone who was extremely upset.

Nobody would appreciate flowers in this situation, save your money. I can count on two fingers the number of heartfelt apologies I’ve had from folks that have done me wrong, over my lifetime, and yet plenty of folks have done me wrong without a backward glance. These two have had their very assertive reactions, don’t gracefully put your neck on the block so they can have a bit more of your pain (and dare I say maybe enjoy that, what a fuss they made about it!)

He is over the shock, by now, surely, and you have given them some drama to discuss where they both feel all righteous. Why his girlfriend feels she can come and stick the boot in, well I would have sat quietly and mind my own business I think. Yes you were out of order but now self care stop worrying about making them “okay”. They have both had their say now please concentrate on you and a long term plan for you.

I would advise any friend to say if they feel compelled to apologise about something like this that you were taking antibiotics and they reacted badly with the alcohol. Don’t talk about it to anyone. Be your own politician. Don’t punish yourself, that’s been done already by the other two - involving the entire family (ex) and nasty words (girlfriend). He will have noticed that aspect of her now, which he probably wasn’t aware of before plus I bet she’s not shut up gloating about it since as she sounds the type…it’s not all bad…Chin up. Nobody died!

It was sufficiently clear! Read the first two paragraphs of the OP!

I wouldn't read too much into OP's version of the GF's comment. She says how drunk she was and couldn't hear the GF properly and this interpretation sounds like another thing to cling onto the fantasy that he truly loves OP and not his GF, which is a mega reach given everything else that actually happened outside of the OP's head. Claiming this was just a drunk mistake ignores OP's stated intention from the moment she followed him and started flirting, which is not on. To excuse that and blame the guy for being honest with his GF is just bonkers. But obviously even women who actively try to hit on attached men are much more moral than a guy who loves his girlfriend. Jesus wept.

Bloody hell you haven’t killed someone
you tried to kiss someone because you feel shit right now, not the biggest deal in the world
I certainly would not be contacting him anymore to apologise
id just make sure I never go to dinner etc with him again

your parents can finally get over it and start to understand you’ve been through a. Rough time and need a bit of support not bollocking

It’s what needs to be done. Do you have advice on ‘simpler’ courses of action for her?

But in this case she shouldn’t have been trying to kiss him in the first place! He was spoken for and his partner was in the next room! Bloody hell I despair……

@Cloes you need to step away from this now. What the gf said and what your ex said are not important.
Priority one is apologising properly to the ex and his gf, then cutting contact with them.

Priority two is apologising to both sets of parents for ruining a nice evening, tell them you’re apologised and won’t be in contact with your ex again and hope it doesn’t impact on their friendship.

Priority three is working on yourself.

justifying whether the gf was mean or the ex should have ever messaged you (which you’ve agreed you misinterpreted rather than him trying it on) is a waste of your and everyone else’s time. The more time you spend on here going on about his gf, the more it looks like you think they were wrong and you were right. You weren’t. You made a mistake. Own it, apologise and move on.

God I wouldn't send a handwritten note or flowers or anything. It's not Downton Abbey. It makes it look like you care far too much about the whole thing.

Just leave it now, anything else you do will just make it more awkward or look like you're trying to reignite it all again.

Oh gosh, OP, we've all done stupid things that make us want to curl up under a duvet and never come out. Be kind to yourself. Just send a text apologising, and cut them out of your life. I wouldn't be sending flowers or handwritten letters, ffs. Apologise, say you were tired and had had too much to drink. Then move on with your life.

Christ.
I would absolutely send and apology to him, his girlfriend and his parents!

You've behaved appallingly. He absolutely did the right thing in telling his girlfriend straight away and those blaming him for leading you etc are being ridiculous.

You completely embarrassed yourself, luckily you can avoid them ! Send an apology and honestly try not to think about it anymore.