I've mad an utter fool of myself

I read it as this is not the ex she has a child for.

Or if the girlfriend posted saying his ex has been texting him, he was dry but friendly , she was flirting, asked to come to dinner, then got wankered and tries to snog him in the kitchen,

no one would be giving it, well I hope you were nice to her.

FWIW, you're not the only one who has done something like this. I think the advice upthread to apologise to him, explain you've been having a rough time and unfollow him to make it clear you are taking yourself out of the picture is a good one.

That’s a better way of doing things I think. Acknowledge that you’ve done wrong without making a big fuss that may just stir things up further.

I doubt the gf wants a bunch of flowers from the OP or is interested in reading any notes. No contact is probably what she’s wanting/expecting now.

V wise advice. Really, no harm done @Cloes. You’ll look back and laugh in time to come.

Obvs not at the upset it’s caused others, but how it was the “old you”. Before you fully realised never look back down the road you’ve already trodden, only forward to the landscapes and people to come.

It's not the end of the world. I know it feels really intense right now but you will get over this.
It's honestly not so bad, you're just feeling very low right now so you're beating yourself up.
You're very vulnerable and so you need to feel your feelings and let this go.

If he wants to tell his gf and the gf posted about it on here, those same posters trying to make this his fault would be saying "very convenient he waited to tell you so you court get her side of the story. / so he comes running out of the kitchen, says nothing and rushes the other woman out of the house, seems like he's getting his defence in first"

Some drunk woman follows me in to the kitchen, tries to throw the lip on me out of nowhere and then becomes an emotional sobbing wreck on the floor, I am 100 percent getting my side on record there and then.
Look way now suspicious to walk out as though nothing happened.

As others have pointed out it depends how OP reacted to his rejection, and she was drunk so who knows what she would’ve blurted out herself.

How would you react if your partner told you his ex had tried to kiss him while you were in the other room? Just curious.

lol, who has empathy for someone goin after their partner and trying to snog them in the kitchen. I don’t.

never seen so many folks loving on the wanna be ow.

The gf sounds pretty unpleasant and lacking empathy

I sort of agree with this. It’s right he told his gf what happened, as keeping a secret of it would have looked sus, but by god he could have handled it better.

So, I guess this is what the gf was essentially saying.

Wrong boyfriend. He isn’t the child’s dad.

Thanks Twiglets. I'm surprised he acted like a "scalded cat" as you say too. Yes, she was drunk, misread the signs, has some personal issues, shouldn't have pursued someone with a girlfriend - she knows all that - but he could have been more chivalrous and reacted with some humour/lightness. He didn't need to humiliate her then and there. All he had to do was go back into the living room, say the OP is not feeling great, seems a bit upset, best she goes home. Then he could have filled his girlfriend in after the event. The girlfriend went in the kitchen to confront the OP. That's odd to me. Anyway, lesson learnt by the OP and hopefully she can sort herself out and find some happiness.

She chased his attentions knowing he was taken and tried to kiss him while his girlfriend was sitting in the other room. How on earth can she possibly apologise in any meaningful way for that?

I'm sorry you rejected me, sorry I deliberately tried to bugger up your new relationship and get you to dump your girlfriend, sorry I got pissed and was so self entitled I ruined everyone's night? What good is sorry going to do, she did it all on purpose.

In their position what I would want is to never see her, talk to her or have to deal with her again as there is nothing at all she can do to make it any better, and I certainly wouldn't want to have to pretend to accept her apology or listen to her having another melt down.

She could possibly apologise to her parents and ask her mum to pass on the apologies to the rest of them.

But the right thing to do would be to leave her ex and his girlfriend alone completely and forever.

I’d apologise, I don’t feel ignoring it is the best thing for you or your parents. It is cowardly.

id go breezy though something like “omg I’m so sorry about last night, I was drunk, nostalgic and emotional. Genuinely there was nothing behind it, and I’m dying over here, hope you can all forgive the drunken antics!”

and leave it there,

I thought you had already apologised, on the night, but I see now that I might have been assuming this.

Even if you have not apologised don't contact him ever again. He does not want to hear from you, and nothing you can say will fix it.

It's not the end of the world, just learn from this and move on.

First thing to remember here is that the only person you've really hurt here is you. He is fine, his new girlfriend is fine, safe in the knowledge he's trustworthy. The older generation have been friends for years and this one incident isn't going to change that. The person you've harmed is you, because you're deeply embarrassed on top of the painful rejection you feel. So don't go adding guilt and shame into the mix. You've hurt yourself and now need to be kind to yourself to heal your wounds. Surround yourself with your supportive friends, lick your wounds, do nice things, if some counselling is an option you could try that. Don't drink. Try not to replay the incident over and over. Distract yourself. And above all, do not see them again, including on SM.

Hi OP

I have done many stupid things when I have been drunk.
This is definitely a self esteem issue and understandable why you felt so low.

I know being drunk isn't an excuse but I do feel really sorry for you.
Hopefully today your parents will have calmed down and instead of "punishing" you will understand how you were feeling.

The best thing is to apologise and move on, do not let this torture you. Once you have apologised if anyone brings it up I would just say that you were stupid, embarrassed and do not want to discuss it again.

Look up Berne Brown, she has many podcasts on how to deal with shame.

You need to build yourself self esteem back and not look for it from a man.

Sending love

OP was paraphrasing as she couldn’t remember exactly what gf said, so it’s probably inaccurate anyway.

I’m going to hazard a guess anyway, I think she meant something like it’s odd to hate someone who you want to be.

Definitely do not try to contact either of them ever again. You cannot fix this, it's just hugely embarrassing for everyone and the girlfriend will definitely want nothing to do with you, ever, and there is literally nothing you can say that will make it right anyway.

You've already apologised.. Unfollow him on everything, never message him again, and move on.

Just leave it now. You’re not over him so you need to not see either of them. You shouldn’t have gone out with them and your parents. You unfollow him and avoid both of them and move on.

Apologising by sending a note to the couple together along with flowers to the girlfriend specifically is a trifold gesture of respect and acknowledgement:

that the girlfriend exists;

that the couple is established, and happy together;

and that the OP has especially wronged the girlfriend, who is the vulnerable outsider to both families and their shared history.