I've mad an utter fool of myself

The first thing you need to do, above all else, is to forgive yourself.
So you fucked up? Who doesn’t fuck up sometimes! The main thing is how you fix it. You clearly have enough self awareness to realise it which is a rare trait these days. Apologise to them both in whatever way you find comfortable. Try to avoid them as much as possible in the future. I wouldn’t have been too happy being invited to a dinner with an ex and his new girlfriend there, it’s just too awkward.

But please just breathe and be kind to yourself

No I get this. I really do. I don’t think it’s quite the same when it’s the other way round (for obvious reasons) but I do appreciate that he may have wanted to tell her immediately to avoid any accusations etc.

However I also feel like he could have “deescalated” the drama and horribleness of it all. It didn’t need to play out like that. He could have just said to the parents “she’s too drunk and needs to go home”. He didn’t need to announce what had happened to a room full of people.

I don't think anyone is calling it a minor mistake? Just saying that there is no point in the OP beating themselves up about it forever.

It seems bad at the moment, but it’ll pass. All you have to do is apologise and explain you’re having a tough time.
don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re human and got carried away. Most people have in some way. Time will heal it, just keep your distance from him for a while after you’ve apologised and wished him well.
if he’s a decent person, he will understand.

Huh?

As I said OP’s response about their long standing friendship prior certainly makes it more understandable.

But without that info (and perhaps to a point even with it) I don’t think many people would be comfortable with their partner suddenly restarting a friendship with their ex.

@Cloes this I believe sums up the situation perfectly.

Read this and believe it.

It's worrying how many people seem to think that this is quite a minor mistake and understandable given the alcohol and divorce. I wonder if a recently dumped man who made a pass at a woman at a dinner party with her partner.

I don’t know where you thought it was going if his girlfriend was in another room. You must be at a very low point if you think that’s all you deserve. You are a single working mother, doing her best and has been through a lot, you and your daughter deserve much better than someone else’s crumbs.

Am I reading correctly that you don’t live near or them or see them much? That’s good news!!!!

Kick the dust off your feet and keep walking. Do what a celebrity would do and say you are burnt out and that you are going to therapy now.

I would get some counselling and support for yourself also. Good luck x

Bless you OP- when I was going through my divorce my head was scrambled and I made some equally mortifying and questionable decisions after a few drinks. I understand the feeling of wanting the ground to swallow you up and feeling like the worst person on earth, but with time and distance I can see that I wasn't behaving like myself as I was experiencing an enormous emotional trauma.

You've had some good practical suggestions here, but also be kind on yourself. You have immediately identified it as a mistake and a regret, which means you're not a bad person. This will pass.

Even if he was interested, why would you want to make a move on someone who has a girlfriend?

I think that you are still showing very poor judgement, even now in how you're looking back at it.

Let it lie for now. You need distance to gain perspective.
I think if you try to contact him you'll make it worse.

What? Try reading the OPs posts. This guy never cheated on her (and neither did the other ex). Too eager to post shit about men that you didn't even bother to read the OPs properly.

OP, stop focusing on the girlfriend of your old ex. The only person's behaviour you should thinking about or commenting on is your own.

There have been some great suggestions about what to write in a brief apology note to send the couple, along with some flowers specifically for the girlfriend. Do that first. Also apologise to your parents.

Then find a counsellor to support you while you do some work on yourself. And don't drink. You say you rarely do, that you know that you act recklessly when you do. So don't, not at all, not until your life is in a much better place.

I also think it would be cruel of his parents to hold it over your parents and make the friendship difficult because of it.

How have your parents been with you since? I can understand them being upset and angry in the moment, but I would apologise to them, say you know what you did was out of order and you’ve apologised to him as well. You want to put it behind you. Hopefully they understand and nothing more comes of it.

"But realistically getting that close to an ex is a bit strange and generally isn’t going to lead to anything good."

He answered a few messages on social media from an ex and old family friend. Was he asking for it? Did he have too many pics with his nipples exposed for anyone to see him as unavailable?

it really wasn’t, the OP was drunk and out of control. So, it’s best that the ex was honest and open immediately, because who knows what she would’ve said or done next.

OP does now have to forgive herself.

The OP was sobbing in the kitchen while they were all in the next room. They were obviously all going to find out even if the man didn't say anything. And I think anyone who has had someone try to kiss them against their will has the right to talk about it, especially to their girlfriend and parents.

Because it’s just that simple.

My god even if he was secretly interested why did you think he'd risk snogging you in the same house as all of your parents and his girlfriend?!

It's done now, no use going over and over it in your head. Put it down to a bad night and move on. I agree with other posters, send a short objective message of apology and unfollow. Don't message him again.

It's embarrassing but not the end of the world, and will pass OP.

Just apologise profusely, avoid social situations with the ex/ his family for now, and get some counselling to unpack your feelings.

It will be ok.

You got a wrong guy.

What is it with reading comprehension here

I haven’t blamed him, I’ve even mentioned I’m not saying he’s led her on.

But realistically getting that close to an ex is a bit strange and generally isn’t going to lead to anything good.

OP your reply about being friends for a long time does make the behaviour less strange, hopefully having that history of friendship means he will accept your apology and it can all just be left in the past.

Try not to over think this OP. Doing dumb drunk stuff and then ugly crying is pretty much a rite of passage. Compared to some of the stories on here it’s pretty tame.

Telling both sets of parents was needless and cruel and dramatic.

When something like this happened to me, I told my partner starught away because it felt like sexual harassment to me. It felt very menacing that someone would make a pass at me, while my partner and his family were in another room. It felt as though he did that banking on the belief I wouldn't make a scene. I did.

Maybe he panicked and just wanted to make sure that he tells his gf before she comes to know about it. you put him in a pretty difficult position. Maybe he wasn't thinking straight. And I don't think you can blame the girlfriend either. She doesn't know you. Doesn't know that this isn't how you usually behave. All she knew at thst moment was that you tried to kiss her boyfriend with her in the next room. Maybe she did feel threatened. She probably said the first nasty thing that came to her mind in shock.

Own it op. You really messed up. As I said in my previous post you sound lovely and very sensible. Just apologise wholeheartedly. Don't try to blame anyone else for anything and try to move on. You can preserve your dignity and your self respect by behaving in a reasonable and dignified manner now.