DH constantly complaining about adult DDs TikTok

He sounds joyless...

It's not as if he has to spend an hour a day... It's literally a few minutes...

I do similarly as I have family /pals who post amusing videos...

They're fun... And on a blustery grey day make me grin!

I would ask him what kind of relationship he wants with his daughter, particularly as she is so far away. She's not exactly going to want him to visit is she?

I’m sure OP’s daughter is sharing nice stuff and is harmless.

I have always allowed my kids to have all social media available but I have painstakingly discussed in detail the pit falls and negatives of social media as well as any potential positives. I have tried to get them to weigh up the mindless fun against the actual benefits. It’s been an open dialogue throughout their school years.

I think these are key questions for kids/teens to ask themselves before posting on socials.

1. Why do you want people to see this? You need a really good answer for this not just because it’s fun or why not?
2. Who do you want to see it? Can the photo or content be messaged privately to someone for a more personal response?
3. The content will be there forever as soon as you post it, even if you delete it later or your settings are semi private. Are you ok with that?
4. Language and ideas which seem fine and normal today may date badly in 50 years, I can only imagine some of the everyday racist and sexist language used 50 years ago that would be on most people’s social media had it existed then. Are you willing to take that risk?
5. Is the content you are about to post something that could be misinterpreted if you ever want the option of a high profile job in the future. Example, posts curated to show yourself living the highlife, will they be misconstrued by journalists later in life if you wanted to become a politician.

There are more questions but kids (and adults) have normalized this over sharing. It’s a minefield and not something younger kids and teens are able to understand.

If it was from the perspective of safety I would be concerned. Showing her hang outs and locality. Paychos will fogure that out real quick where she is.

Maybe he is just "jealous" or actually sad she is so far away and having fun without him. Some Dads have a complex like this.

If he doesn't like them, he doesn't have to watch them.

This is his daughter who is thousands of miles away making videos of her doing things that obviously make her happy. Surely any normal dad would be pleased to see them. He sounds like a miserable twat.

Tell him she obviously takes after him, because him constantly watching and grumbling is also pathetic, pointless, embarrassing etc.

I get his point. I do think these constant reels people post on social media are strange. But it’s the way the world is now and some actually make a living from these crap videos, which completely baffles me! But he needs to either watch them and keep his repetitive comments to himself or not watch. I’m sure he’s raining on your enjoyment. If I were you I’d just say “oh has someone rattled your cage again!” And walk away every time he starts.

I doubt it’s anything to do with jealousy- your daughter is obviously quite clever, and he probably thinks this kind of thing is below her! My own dad would have said similar (but I’m not clever).

complains constantly that it's pathetic, pointless, embarrassing et

Thats quite an extreme reaction to something that he could just not watch.

What a weirdo. He sounds obsessed. He's allowed to not enjoy it, but why is he persisting in watching every video and whinging about it. That's what trolls do -hate watching.
I'd tell her myself to block him and I'd tell him to stop being an insufferable bore by moaning about it all the time.

It's nice to get that kind of interaction with her, seeing bits of her life, given how far away she is

It would annoy me hearing his complaining all the time OP, YANBU.

A different perspective perhaps though...could it be a little bit of sadness that your DD has moved across the world, and these are the snippets he gets of her life, and it's coming out all wrong? He can't be seen to be moping after all. Were they close?

That’s really interesting, stonefall101.

I look at what toddlers are doing now, with phones & tablets, and think there’s going to be a future of people who know how to be people (interact in person) & those who will operate mostly via tech. A bit like the movie Her. It’s already the plan with Meta. My 4 year old is no-tech (until he starts school)

Not all kids - I know loads who don't use any social media. However, the ones that do only see the other's that do, not the ones that don't post. The posters are the visible ones and it normalises it for the ones that do post.

I hope that makes sense.

I think I'd tell him to stf up and grow up.

It is cringey using tiktok and posting curated content. I'd selfishly be pleased to be able to see her posts but I agree with your DH it's not great to do it.

It’s just what kids do nowadays…

We used to take pics on nights out.

Then go to Fuji & get them printed.

And bring them to the pub to share.

I agree with your DH but DD is an adult so I'd let them handle their differences.

Doesn’t it upset you and put you off him when you hear him slagging your daughter off? I couldn’t stay with someone who was horrible about my DC, it would just put me off him so much and kill any feelings of attraction. I imagine that you’d be furious if a friend of yours started talking about her like that - and the fact that he is her DF just makes it a thousand times worse.

I agree with your DH about the ridiculous attention-seeking dances being pathetic as those kind of videos really make me cringe! I can’t swipe past them fast enough!

However if he's already made his feelings on them clear then he doesn't need to keep repeating it every time.
Also, I don't think the whole "Well he's on there himself, therefore he's a hypocrite" argument is valid as TikTok has all sorts on it now. The childish cringey dances were 2020/2021. The majority of content on there now, doesn't involve any dancing. I don't post on TikTok but I do follow a few funny people on there who have me in stitches every time.

He needs to shut up and not watch it! Coming from someone who hates TikTok and finds it cringey AF! Just remove yourself if it bothers you! It’s odd that he gives it this much headspace really!

Good on your DD for putting him in his place. She is old enough to do what she wants and he needs to suck it up.

All that said, I agree with your DH, to me it is pointless, pathetic, embarrassing as you say, and may I add immature and attention seeking. I would be unhappy if my adult DCs did this and thats the truth. The difference is i would keep my opinions to myself and not look at the content again.

I doubt very much it's jealousy as PPs suggest. Its most likely a strong dislike of this type of show off self indulgent behaviour that many young people seem to enjoy. He is entitled to hate this as much as she is entitled to do it. The issue is his complaining about it.

I would push back hard on this his comments to her would not be acceptable to me if made more than once anyway.

I think it's a wonderful thing to be able to see your child enjoying their life on the other side of the world so often. An absolute privilege.

In the words of Buzz Lightyear " You are a strange, sad little man and you have my pity"

But the OP's daughter is a grown woman using TikTok? 😳

Honestly OP, just tell him to unfollow her or stop moaning and repeat every time he starts.

Good on your daughter standing by her own choices and preferences as an adult.
If he keeps up with the carping about this, she soon won't care what he has to say about anything.