Was I in the wrong to post this?

@basketballhoop surely it's not too big a leap to see why op might find it emotive due to her age. It's one thing being young and deciding not to have kids and making decisions around that that you feel you have some choice in, but it's another when you feel a door is being closed for you. There are plenty of women out there who have children but logically know they can only afford 2 and who grieve the experience of a 3rd when they get to an age where they know its no longer a possibility even though logically they made their decision a long time before? I don't see this as being any different to that. It's also a part of our biology as women.

@Lavender14 i think you need to read the last couple of pages!

I'm sorry you've been going through so much. Infertility struggles are awful and I think it's a really difficult thing.

I'm actually really torn because I feel like on one hand we should talk more about these experiences because so many women and men struggle silently with it. But then at the same time I think about how hard I'd have found it opening fb and reading that post out of the blue while I was ttc and I'm not sure that's the right platform because I think where possible, people should be able to choose when and how they engage with personally triggering content online. But then it's your fb and your experience so it's your right to say what you feel. I would also say that social media can be a very mixed bag and using it as a place to come to terms with your own grief and difficult and painful feelings isn't a wise choice as you are opening yourself up to all the people who won't get it and who won't respond in a caring and respectful way. So in that respect - no her reaction was not great but equally you've kind of put your pain out there amongst people who won't understand and who won't have had the same experience and who will say the wrong thing instead of using a safer setting like counselling or close friends or support groups. I'm not sure we can be angry at people for not knowing what they don't know and if your sil hasn't had this experience or isn't close to anyone who has had this experience it maybe is a little unfair to expect her to know how to handle it and what to say or do. I certainly didn't until I was living it.

I agree your sil was centering herself by responding the way she did but I also think you've maybe not been quite clear with what you meant in how you've worded your post so I can also see how she interpreted it the way she did. I think you've also kind of without meaning to, put your parents and in laws in a bit of a sticky wicket by attaching feelings to them publicly they might never have felt.

I think both of you have been a little unreasonable to be honest, but I think there's a lot of room for grace as to why you posted it.

I am sorry for your medical problems. Help me understand how does any of that tally with this though:
my husband didn't want children so we have never really tried to have them and with me coming up to being 40 I've decided that I want to be child free as well as not being able to and that's what I'm sort of coming to terms with and feeling guilty.

You married a man who doesn't want children. You made your decision at that point and have reconfirmed that you want to be child free. Any theoretical, unproven infertility is utterly irrelevant.

It's very strange to describe yourself as suffering from infertility when you've never tried to have children and have not been in a relationship where children were wanted. For most people the pain of infertility is measured in years of visceral disappointment when they don't get pregnant despite trying everything possible and very intrusive medical testing not a vague idea that it might have been nice to have a child.

Ok, I definitely think this is a wind up now.

”Difficult coming to terms with never becoming a mum”? You’ve never even tried! You’re not a mum through choice.

And you have put yourself in the same bracket as thousands of women (some on this thread) who have sobbed month after month and done everything they possibly can to try and have a baby.

Shame on you for this charade.

No. Having PCOS and/or endo does not mean you are likely infertile. It means you might have difficulty conceiving which is not the same thing as infertile. You're doing the thing a lot of foolish women do when they are told they have PCOS which often ends up with them having a "surprise" baby because they tell their partner "we don't need to bother with contraception because I can't get pregnant". Telling everyone you are infertile when you are not is crass. The reason you don't have children is because you haven't tried to have children.

I'm doing absolutely fine, thank you.

Yeah, I wonder that too.

All of this.

What an appalling, attention-seeking person you appear to be.

Did you diagnose your own "health issues" as well?!

Eh? Her husband never wanted children and she told him she couldn't have children. Why is that him being awful? Had she told him at the start that she wanted to try for children one day he probably wouldn't have married her because those two things are not at all compatible. In fact it probably suited her to marry a man who didn't want children. It is not his fault that she is having a blip now and creating drama in his family.

What’s his mother meant to have done?!

You think the husbands gonna be good when he has a mother like that? 🤪

None of em sound good, but glad you got that out of your system. I hope you feel better now 🐀

I have. She sounds like she has a victim complex and no backbone, and her husbands family sound like my narcissistic inlaws 🤷‍♀️

You should probably read OP's posts.

Edit: unless you think it's the husband's fault. That has to come next. It's MN, after all.

This has to be a reverse. Most OPs go out of their way to make themselves sound better and the other person sound worse.

Whole family sounds awful tbh, including the husband. I noticed it was very much about his wants from what OP has written, she didn’t factor into it it seems..just kind of went with the flow of it (and is now feeling the regret)

And never let someone else decide for you on such an important issue again. Stop choosing to be a victim, you are in charge of your future

It appears to me that you do want kids and you have gone along with your husbands wishes and a doctor from decades back.

Sorry but don’t do this to yourself. There’s still time to try (with this man, or another if necessary). How would you feel if your husband suddenly does want kids? And your chance is over.

Stop moping, start getting busy and getting what you want from life.

People are right, not on Facebook. Privately with people who care and who you trust. Still, it occurs to me that she was more bothered by public humiliation than her daughter in law being in pain. Not a good sign on her part, I’d remember that.

I take back what I said, your SIL might have jumped the gun but if feels like you laid the groundwork for that.

I counter that the SIL is a saint. And the PIL and possibly the DH have had enough of the navel gazing, the self pity, the Facebook attention seeking and the really quite impressive self indulgence. But who can say.

Hmmm… upon review things seem a little different.

You turned your dog into your emotional crutch (which isn’t great for dogs btw), you never actually tried conceiving so you don’t really know, you post dramatics on social media and you don’t work. I’m inclined to presume this off work situation is possibly also something vague or not particularly easy to prove? This is starting to feel like a stereotype.

I take back what I said, your SIL might have jumped the gun but if feels like you laid the groundwork for that.

Deletion message any minute now, right?

Your poor SIL. I said it at the start and I stand by it.

Hmm was you FB post actually a passive aggressive dig at your husband since he is the one who doesn't want children?