Was I in the wrong to post this?

I worked with someone with PCOS. She physically had a hard time with periods and ovulation. Got pregnant within a year of trying.

I have endometriosis, not a guess like op is saying, but a diagnosis. I assumed I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant and so for 7 years just tracked ovulation as a form of birth control and fell pregnant with my daughter at 37.

OP you are only 40 not 50. You have recently married a man who doesn’t want children. You have never tried to get pregnant. You do not know if you are infertile. Why marry a man that doesn’t want children if you do?

I can only assume that your SIL is fed up with your attention seeking posts and is telling you.

I really believe you need to seek therapy. Please go to the doctor and ask for a referral because you have created this delusional story of your life that is not true. You really need a professional to speak to.

Okay this is now just flat out insulting to those of us who have genuinely “struggled with infertility.” Who have tried for years and years to have babies, suffered recurrent losses, gone through the physical and emotional complete and utter agony of invasive testing, fertility treatment, laparoscopy’s and so so much more.

• majes them feel better not nausea - apologies iphone id meant to be refurbished and it’s on its last legs

LAMPS1 · Today 04:35

People aren’t being horrible for no reason OP.
But they are being very blunt now, in order to help you see the truth of your situation as you describe it, and in order to answer your original post which was misleading.
The truth of your situation from all your posts (not your original post) is that you married a man who doesn’t want children and also that you yourself have decided not to have children. You are a couple who have decided not to have children. And you have never tried to have children. Fair enough. But you must then be accountable for that decision that you each made with free will.
You really shouldn't then, have put out to the world on fb about your guilt about not giving two sets of parents the gift of grandchildren because of your infertility. Especially as one set already has them. Your SIL wasn’t being unreasonable to point that out. She must have felt you were minimising her dc and writing as though her dc didn’t exist. You owe her an apology for that.
I'm sorry for your health issues. No doubt they are genuine but your infertility can’t be claimed as genuine when you have never tried to have a child with medical assistance. Furthermore, your false infertility claim can be seen as very insensitive to those others who do have a right to talk about it because they do genuinely suffer from it, unlike you. And it can be seen as you seeking attention and sympathy for infertility when your infertility isn’t proven. So this is the backlash you are receiving now.
It is understandable that you might be struggling to come to terms with your final decision not to have children and had you posted anonymously about that struggle on here, (not on face book) framing your original post and subsequent posts with complete honesty, you would have received sound advice, empathy and support I’m sure.

^^
beautifully put @LAMPS1 and I hope OP takes note of your post and gives her head a wobble.. and also I hope OP knows that anything personal out as a status on a social media status .. you have every right to express and write what the hell you like BUT you have to then deal with the consequences of what you’ve said (like offending SIL)
Also OP I think you’re there’s a saying about putting your deepest personal thoughts out there for everyone and their dog to read - 50 percent of people couldn’t care less and the other 50 percent are glad you’ve got problems as it nausea them feel better about their own sad lives and gives them something and someone to gossip about..

People aren’t being horrible for no reason OP.
But they are being very blunt now, in order to help you see the truth of your situation as you describe it, and in order to answer your original post which was misleading.

The truth of your situation from all your posts (not your original post) is that you married a man who doesn’t want children and also that you yourself have decided not to have children. You are a couple who have decided not to have children. And you have never tried to have children. Fair enough. But you must then be accountable for that decision that you each made with free will.

You really shouldn't then, have put out to the world on fb about your guilt about not giving two sets of parents the gift of grandchildren because of your infertility. Especially as one set already has them. Your SIL wasn’t being unreasonable to point that out. She must have felt you were minimising her dc and writing as though her dc didn’t exist. You owe her an apology for that.

I'm sorry for your health issues. No doubt they are genuine but your infertility can’t be claimed as genuine when you have never tried to have a child with medical assistance. Furthermore, your false infertility claim can be seen as very insensitive to those others who do have a right to talk about it because they do genuinely suffer from it, unlike you. And it can be seen as you seeking attention and sympathy for infertility when your infertility isn’t proven. So this is the backlash you are receiving now.

It is understandable that you might be struggling to come to terms with your final decision not to have children and had you posted anonymously about that struggle on here, (not on face book) framing your original post and subsequent posts with complete honesty, you would have received sound advice, empathy and support I’m sure.

What fertility issues?

She has no clue if she even has issues!

TrolleySign · Yesterday 20:52
I was told at 14 I might be infertile, and I don't really see how it's a piss take. I'm coming up to 40, which is a huge milestone, and I've been thinking more about it recently and weighed up my pros and cons and have decided it's best not to have children. Ive worked with children in the past and coo over babies and wanted something to love and care for and I am feeling grief, I also feel a sense of guilt for my parents and in laws for that and I'm coming to terms with it as my parents would make amazing grandparents.

^ once again you’re implying that your in laws don’t have any grandchildren?! And you sound very presumptuous saying how such ‘guilt’ you feel not giving them grandchildren … what If op (sorry if this bursts your rosy bubble) but maybe they’re 100 percent content and happy with the grandchildren they have and that many grandchildren is perfect for them .. they get to be ‘hands on’ with them and also have time for ‘one on one’ with each of them, to help out with child care or babysitting when it comes to your SIL and Bil working / night out etc. And the rest of the time they get well deserved ‘me time’ as a retired couple..

You having dc could rock the perfect dynamics everyone already has! And also you’ve said this comment about your ‘guilt about not giving them grandchildren ‘ a couple of times now on here alone so lord only knows how many times you’ve said this to your SIL (?) it makes her own precious DC sound as if they don’t ‘count’ or even ‘exist’ .. it’s rude and insensitive OP!

Lastly I had and have PCOS and endometriosis and I was told it could make conceiving harder than a woman without these conditions but never was I told that it meant instant infertility! So you cannot self diagnose op especially when your self diagnosis isn’t even scientifically the truth!

Have you recieved any IVF (sorry I read your post last night very tired, I’ll work late stage cancer and no glasses - huge apologies if you’ve answered this already!)

She's never even tried to get pregnant.

Have you recieved any IVF (sorry I read your post last night very tired, I’ll work late stage cancer and no glasses - huge apologies if you’ve answered this already!)

You really need to at least read the OP's posts - she hasn't even been diagnosed with infertility.

For all the money in the world I wouldn’t or couldn’t share such a personal subject about myself as a post/update on fb for all types of personalities to see. I’d expect personal things from young teens and even nowadays they refrain from doing such private personal posts as they don’t want to publicly embarrass themselves.

OP- huge apologies if I’ve got it wrong but (just imo) for you to be almost so ‘blase’ in putting such a personal thing that’s so close to your heart that you can put it out there for all to read makes me think this isn’t the first time you’ve done such things.

Could it be that your SIL saw this and thought ‘agh not ANOTHER public post?!!’ mss as the you’ve made comments without barely realising, maybe the odd comment on family whattapp groups, have you ever made your parents and SIL at get together almost as if they could be ‘walking on egg shells ‘ around you as it’s the ‘elephant in the room’ ?

Could you and have you looked into going to the GP to be put on a waiting list for 6 weeks of NHS funded counselling? Or any private fb groups for woman in the same boat as you that you can off load to and share things and it’s all private and your ‘safe space and safe place’

Have you recieved any IVF (sorry I read your post last night very tired, I’ll work late stage cancer and no glasses - huge apologies if you’ve answered this already!)

Have you looked into adopting?

And could you ask SIL to meet for a coffee and have a heart to heart with her? Was there/ is there a great solid relationship and friendship there? If there is it’s best to nip this in the bud now and get back on track if not then there’s really no love lost!

Also please know that we shouldn’t want to have our own children to ‘give our parents grandchildren’ that’s almost similar to another popular thread right now of a lady who is considering getting loans and into debt to have a big instagram glossy wedding day to compete with her much wealthier SIL and to impress her parents and PILs etc !

To say on a FACEBOOK POST that you can’t give your parents grandchildren sounds very ‘Gwyneth Paltrow /Meghan Markle LaLa land word salad pulling at heart strings over the top gobbledy gook speech! ‘

You KNOW they have grandchildren .. so at least be honest and say ‘I feel like is SO unfair that my SIL can give them grandchildren and I can’t!’

because that’s how it sounds.

Op write in a journal what you’re grateful for and also have a plan of action of how you can get what your dream is - to have dc.. look into every avenue you can and maintain positivity every step of the way.. please don’t go into a pit of self serving pity and misery feeling sorry for yourself you’ll look back and regret it and there’s nothing worse than bitterness and comparing yourself to others .. as the saying goes ‘comparison is the thief of joy’

Good luck and I truly hope and pray your dream of having dc come true op x

No . She was told when she was 14 years old she may be infertile, but she has never once in her entire life tried to conceive and her husband also did not want children and she was quite happy to marry him with not having children. If she was so determined to have children, she could’ve easily tried, and not married him also. Now she is approaching 40, she is saying she won’t ever have them because of her age . She does not need sympathy over her own life choices . She’s a drama queen .

She doesn't have any confirmed fertility issues.

No. Her experience of finding out about her fertility issues might be different to yours but are no less valid.

You're not infertile.
You have no idea what it's like actually be unable to have children.
This whole post is insulting.

So in answer to your original question @TrolleySign - yes you were wrong to post what you posted.

And now I really don't understand why you dislike your SiL so much

Remember what? What are you talking about - who was "more bothered by public humiliation than her daughter in law being in pain"?

PCOS absolutely sucks yes, but it’s not a death sentence. Not sure about how it works on a first pregnancy in an older parent though, I had mine before I knew I had PCOS.

Regardless, if you’ve chosen to be with someone who doesn’t even want children this is a non-issue, it was never on the table to give your in laws any grandchildren. Maybe your parents, fair enough.

She’s not infertile. She’s never even tried.

OP just posted about “guilt” not giving grandchildren to her parents and in-laws in some weird drama llama performance on social media. That’s the dirty laundry.

Not to mention banning the 8 month old nephew from the wedding “for obvious reasons” and refusing to go anywhere without her dog because it’s “her baby.”

The poor SIL has had a hell of a lot to put up with, by the sounds.

She has not been diagnosed as infertile . Its fake news .

Infertility is not dirty laundry. For fuck’s sake.

Apologies as NRTFT, but I wrongly assumed you were unable to have DC as you said you couldn’t give them grandchildren, but actually you haven’t been told that.

i do understand that sometimes we believe the worst, but trust me PCOS is not a barrier to DC. I know because I got pregnant on my 4th snd 5th cycle of IVF with DS and DD.

Don’t put up barriers that aren’t there.

Oh, for the love of all that's holy. Your recent posts completely contradict what you stated before. If you haven't actually experienced the hell that is infertility, it's quite offensive to say that you have. You haven't even tried to have children, you've chosen to remain childfree. And yet you say your wedding was childfree "for obvious reasons"? What are those reasons, since infertility obviously doesn't come into it?

You sound quite attention seeking and unpleasant. I feel very sorry for your SIL.

It's really obvious in the post that she's just talking about herself rather than an absolute number of grandchildren total for each set of GPs. It doesn't need further qualification. SiL is just creating drama on this occasion. The previous occasions however...

I think you need to go back and read all of OP's posts. It might help you understand why I don't buy that argument. She only married her husband 4 years ago when the nephew was a baby, knowing he didn't want children. She was already mid 30s by that point. It is disingenuous to now claim she is grieving her unproven infertility when she doesn't even want children and hasn't tried. It is attention seeking.

I really do think you need some therapy - both with coping with your health issues but also not having children - all of what you said you did paints a picture of someone who isn’t ok with not having a child at all not someone who has come to terms with it

not allowing your SIL to bring her 8 month old is unusual - family children and young babies are often allowed so there must have been something driving this

you sound deeply unhappy and guilt - does your husband.

your SIL reactions seem within the realm of normal yours do not