Was I in the wrong to post this?

Struggling with infertility doesn't mean that everyone around you should be willing to make decisions on their family based on your preferences. Loads of people wouldn't go to a wedding without their 8mo baby, and usually babes in arms (especially immediate family) are excluded from the request for child free weddings. And human fear trumps dog separation anxiety. YABU

Id stress Im not in any way trying to undermine the heartbreak of infertility, it is a unique pain IMO.

I wouldn’t label it “right” and “wrong” but there are ways of dealing with struggles that are healthier than others. A public Facebook post about anything is risky.

Sorry for what you are going through, infertility is of course all consuming and horribly distressing but I do agree with others that it was a rather odd thing to post when the pils do indeed have dgc. Maybe you should have just mentioned your own parents?

I can understand why she didn't want to attend a wedding without her dc, many people see them as much part of the family as their spouses, understandably so.

Why can't you see her without the dog? If it has separation anxiety building up periods of time alone is a good plan. Or take it in turns with your dh? Best wishes for the future .

It sounds like you are a very high drama bunch with a history of being unkind to each other.

You're both unreasonable and you both give "main character energy".

Yes she could have scrolled on but ffs OP Facebook is not your therapist. It's not there for you to trauma dump with no warning on other people. Invest in therapy.

You’re both unreasonable. She’s unreasonable to take offence and honestly you are unreasonable to share that kind of emotion with likely 800 people, at least some of whom you will know only very vaguely. It’s the equivalent of shouting your problems in a crowded town square.

Agreed. Facebook is not your personal therapist for you to trauma dump on.

I personally don't think you were unreasonable to express how you feel. Perhaps FB isn't the place but many people don't understand how difficult it can be wanting a child and not being able to have one. I'm so sorry for what you're going through!

It sounds like your infertility is all consuming OP. I get that on a human level but you risk doing damage to your relationships with those around you.

My sister was struggling to have a baby while I had a toddler and was pregnant with my second. She hadn’t been trying for very long though. I was sympathetic but she got pregnant before I had my second baby (and has since had another) and I struggled afterwards not to feel like she made my pregnancy about her too much. I caveat that by saying she hadn’t been trying long. If she had I’d feel differently. And there is family history there too.

You are absolutely entitled to have your feelings acknowledged but so is your SIL.
I personally wouldn’t have messaged you about your post but I can see her point.

She doesn’t sound like she has main character energy. It sounds more like you are finding your struggles all consuming. Subjecting a 4 year old child who is scared of dogs to a dog and then dismissing it as “even though he’s 4” is totally unreasonable.

I know dogs can be a great comfort but it’s hardly ideal to bring him to your in-laws when it will frighten a small child. And people usually don’t bring their dogs to visit.

I don’t want to in any way invalidate the hurt and pain you are feeling. I think it might be making you somewhat unreasonable, and the better way to cope is specific Facebook groups, MN, therapy etc.

You meant that you desperately would like to give your parents more grandchildren by having your own children. That is how I would have read it. I think that's pretty obvious.

I used to suffer fertility issues. After my years of heartbreak I has my baby last year. From the perspective of someone who has been on both sides of it..I don't think there is a right or wrong way to deal with it. It's an ache and sadness on par with grief, loss, heartbreak. I recognise how privileged I am to be able to bring life into the world now and your post would spark nothing but concern for me. People who haven't experienced this have no place lecturing. She is the lucky one so she get over herself. It's obvious what you meant.

No , the insertion of the word I makes it clear it’s grandchildren from the op, not others. Or she would have said I feel sad they won’t have any grandchildren.

Op I’d deactivate fb for a bit , you felt shit now it’s worse I expect. What did you want from the post, perhaps try and get that from real people.

You sound like hard work and set the tone of your relationship with your SIL when you didn’t allow her to attend the wedding due to having an 8 month old.

you are implying that someone can be too young to be afraid of dogs and trying to drum up sympathy on FB, do you also check yourself in at hospitals?

you are in pain it’s a shit situation that you have found yourself in but you don’t have a monopoly on it. Look outside of your situation occasionally and recognise the hurt that you are causing other people.

I'm of the view that you weren't wrong to say it, but you are wrong to then be upset about others' reactions to what you've said.

If you post on Facebook, at some level, you are looking for reactions from others - if you simply wanted to write your feelings down (which can be cathartic) there would be no reason to post them on a public platform, for others to see.

You posted so that others would react - you were probably, understandably, wanting wholly sympathetic responses, but someone else was hurt by what you said and told you, in a balanced and moderate way - no one has been unreasonable here.

You're allowed to feel the way you do but Facebook isn't and shouldn't be the place for these sort of things.

Not sure why people over share on social media other than for attention. It's like nothing is private in their worlds.

This. OP can write what she likes on FB. She wasn't suggesting their her parents didn't have any GC. SIL was being unreasonable.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. Personally, I wouldn't post this kind of stuff on social media. I think it's way too personal and is oversharing. Couldn't you share these feelings with a friend or relative instead?
However, I realise everyone uses social media differently, and it's up to you how you use it.
Your SIL should have kept quiet perhaps....

Agree. What an insensitive and stupid thing for your SIL to say to.you.

Pp are right, the reason I came off fb years ago. People over sharing and attention seeking. This isn't the place to share such personal feelings, speak to a therapist

The OP is allowed to feel how she feels but I don't think Facebook is the place for it. I don't think she should be feeling guilty for something beind her control either or feel.obliged to provide grandchildren. I think she should seek counselling for her very real feelings of sadness over not being able to have a child for herself.

Sil has a valid point and is right to feel upset.
Facebook isn’t the place to vent.

I'm so sorry. I went through a decade of infertility so I know how you feel.

Can you join a private Facebook infertility support group? These are just for infertility patients and your friends can't see what you post so you can offload there.

Fertility friends forum was my absolute lifeline back in my ivf days. Sadly it seems to have dried up. But there's lots of supportive private social media groups

Posting on Facebook for all to see (regardless of it's just family/friends), isn't really appropriate. It's over-sharing and can sometimes (not necessarily in your case) come across as 'attention seeking' behaviour. Talk to someone - family member or a friend if you are feeling low/frustrated etc. I can see from your Facebook comment, why your SIL may be a miffed, as it could (and clearly has) easily give the impression that your ILS don't have any Grandchildren. I did understand what you meant within the context of referencing yourself. I think your comment should have said 'more Grandchildren', then there wouldn't have been any misunderstanding. However, this is what happens when we publish emotional posts on Facebook, sometimes it goes wrong.

Sorry for your troubles there op.
Do you not have anyone in life that you can vent this too and talk about it person to person?

I always think that it is deeply inappropriate to put anything that is very very personal on FB.
It just leads to a roll of “are you ok hun?” Type responses with absolutely nothing meaningful or truly caring or sympathetic to the issue.

Im sorry but I think that YABU to put that on FB.

The SIL's message sounds pretty level headed really from what OP has written. Based on OP's updates it seems like she's dealt with her hurt by doing her best to avoid the other children in the family. If I were SIL I'd be pretty fucked off about that, especially the wedding and dog stuff.

As a PP said, if I didn't know the family, I would read OP's post and assume that there were no grandchildren on either side. All OP had to do was say "more grandchildren".

It probably would've been wisest for the SIL to scroll on by but given OP's updates I can see why she didn't.

I wouldn't post this on Facebook but knowing your struggles, your sister should have kept her mouth shut.