Feeling a little uneasy after todays event

@ABigBarofChocolate

www.mumsnet.com/talk/site_stuff/4886059-how-to-edit

I would always say hello, more because if you don't it can feel worse later on. It sort of gets rid of the tension

Her husband heard. It's in one of her posts

What was the nasty thing? And are you sure you didn't mishear/misunderstand, as no one else seemed to have heard it, and she denies saying it.
It's odd because she seems to play with your dc when you aren't there (you said playing cards), so she certainly seems to like them well enough.
It all seems odd!

If you continue to ignore her because she is ignoring you then it becomes a thing and basically it drives a wedge in the family. The longer it goes on the worse it gets. Over time MIL may get involved and will always prioritise her family so she will exclude you, putting your DH in the position of having to side with his family or you. Assuming he backs you up he will be disadvantaged by losing his family and it will affect your marriage negatively and his well being. Plus your children will lose their cousins. All things considered saying hello and making small chat once or twice a year is a small price to pay to keep things peaceful. I know that's not the usual MN attitude but that's my view.

Why would you want to have any sort of relationship with someone who said nasty things about your child?

DH as usual wanted to keep peace and told me that’s just how she is and he will never back me up or question her.

'And this is just how I am. I do not look past people making cruel comments about children, particularly when it concerns our child'.

You did nothing wrong, OP, and were I you I would be deeply disappointed in my husband. He's a father and should behave as one by putting his child first.

I've encountered a not dissimilar circumstance so I fully sympathise. You are far better keeping this unpleasant woman firmly at arm's length, not least asking your husband what the hell he thinks his priorities are.

YANBU.

I’d have said hello and been friendly just to show her up tbh.

I would have waited until we were in a large group and then said a cheery hello, how are you, and watched her squirm.

You’re not going to see her again for years? Then just forget about her. I doubt your husband will be bothered by the end of tomorrow.

Too much of women's time is spent fretting about this stuff. I'd put it out of your head. If it upsets your DH let him fret about how to fix it.

Sorry, this is unrelated but how do you edit comments? Lol I have no clue how to do it but I noticed you had.

I wouldn't care. I learned the hard way that it's pointless.

There was this batshit woman in work who for absolutely no reason I was or am aware of, stopped speaking to me. (It turned out that I was one in a long line; the woman has something seriously amiss with her!)

As I hadn't got the foggiest what was going on, I persisted in speaking to her. At best she grunted but most of the time she looked straight through me like I wasn't there. I gave up in the end!

I'd see someone walking down the corridor and I'd automatically start to smile and say hello, then would realise it was her and have to hastily rearrange my features.

It turns out, it's hard work to stop speaking to someone!!

To be honest I'd just make a point of saying hello and asking her how she was etc with a massive smile on my face just so I could honestly say it isn't me who is carrying the argument on over the years. That way she either responds equally well or is mean/ cold and then I'd know I tried and to just keep it very formal in future. Good luck.

Many years ago now SIL made comments about my DC at a family funeral. It was neither the time nor the place to challenge. A few weeks later, they visited, and I told her calmly that she never speaks about or to my children like that again...well it blew up, and I was thrown across a room! Dbro, SIL, and I did not speak for well over 10 years. My DH offered behind my back an olive branch. For a few years, there was a truce until she made comments about DH! He learnt his lesson, and we have low contact now. She is an opinionated, nightmare, my brother has burnt his bridges with most of the family due to her behaviour.

I hope your dh at least told mil he heard her say those things. I would find it hard to get past the disloyalty

I don't get why you say your husband is a bit of a coward and doesn't confront anyone. He stood up to you against his sister, I would find that worse as I'm guessing the child she said something about is his too?

In my opinion, you have done nothing wrong. She ignored you, you returned the favour. Unfortunately, not everyone in every family is nice, and she sounds awful.
Let her be the golden girl, who cares?
Your OH needs to grow a pair though.

I think it depends if you want to have any kind of relationship with her or not, if you don't i really wouldn't worry about it, if you do now is the perfect time as you can msg her and say I feel bad for not speaking to you the other day I really don't want things to be like this between us.

Iink you are probably right that saying hello would have been a good idea. It's not a disaster that you didn't, though! She didn't either, after all.

I agree with a pp, it's not necessary to be best buds, and your dh is probably right, she isn't going to change fundamentally.

But it keeps family events smooth if you can be civil, for you and others. You don't gain anything by standing on principles on this and not talking to her. nor do your kids.

I would also say, on a more personal note, that one side of my family in my parents generation is full of people who have petty spats and won't talk. It's horrible for those of us who are younger, mainly we are all cousins, who can't get together for family events without them all being stupid and awkward. We all would like to see each other and our aunts and uncles at holidays and weddings and so forth, but it's pretty much impossible. Because they can't even be civil.

If she's not paying you any rent, don't give her space in your head.

Anyone who criticised or said something cruel about my child in my hearing would be dead to me. I wouldn't bother with them any more unless they apologised sincerely.

Yup. What a spineless melt.

I haven't voted because I think you should have said hello and been civil but not do anything for the sake of your husband or the sake of anything.

Your spineless twat of a husband doesn't get to 'look glum' if he hasn't got your back

Maybe? But OP didn't clarify either way.

I can't imagine being with my sister in law and listening to her saying something nasty to one of my children and not pulling her up on it? Likewise, if I'd said something she didn't like, I would expect her to say something?

I don't understand why some women are so dumbstruck around family members that they can't fight for their own children, why they need constant 'knight in shining armour' behaviour from - let's face it - their ineffective husbands?

Still, OP hasn't seen her in laws for 5 years. Sister in law is fine with OP's husband and children so I would see that as a win - send husband and children off to in-laws - and put my feet up at home. That is a solution.