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AIBU?

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Original poster

My son’s girlfriend is disliked our family gathering are being boycotted

118 replies

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 20:48

My DS is 45 and since his marriage of 15 years broke down (his wife cheated and he couldn’t forgive her) he has been dating an array of women under age 30. He has been in a relationship with a 28 year old woman for the past 2 years; she is disliked by quite a few family members as she is not the type of woman we have ever seen him with. We all used to spent Christmas, New Year, birthdays, holidays and lots of family get togethers. Now it’s just drama every time we try to arrange something because the first question most ask is ‘Is she coming?’. I don’t particularly like this woman but want to keep a relationship with my son, but it’s really causing a massive problem within the family. We are all supposed to be meeting in London next week, 20 family members coming from all over the UK but tonight they are dropping like flies as they realise she is coming. Many are arranging to meet still despite the event being ‘cancelled’ in the family group chat. They are have started a new group chat but not added my son and are suggesting I go but not to mention it to my son. I would love to see my siblings but as we don’t see each other often, but feel I am betraying my son. AIBU if I meet up with them all without my son, his family and girlfriend knowing? My son is aware of how some of us feel about his girlfriend.

OP posts:
Reugny · 31/12/2024 21:13

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 31/12/2024 21:03

So basically, you all find her common.

From what you've said she sounds awful but I can't help but wonder what she would say.

She's not common she's nasty.

You should never be horrible to children and it's nasty to smoke around them

Sceptical123 · 31/12/2024 21:13

Applepoop · 31/12/2024 21:06

wtf is the matter with your ds tolerating this shit? He’s 45 fgs - he needs to tell her to fuck off

Show quote history

Bc it’s feeding his ego shacking up with a presumably sexy (almost 20 years) younger woman - and it’s a really big fuck you to the wife who cheated on him. If everything OP has said is true he’s at classic midlife crisis stage and his mates are probably sick with jealousy that he’s sharing a bed with her - which is presumably the most important factor to many men in similar situations. She may offer him a lot more than great sex and a confidence boost but I doubt we’ll hear what it is on this thread.

OP, there’s nothing stopping you from meeting your siblings - it may be out of order if the meeting includes their kids and grandkids and you don’t invite your son and his family tho. Difficult position for you as you don’t want to risk alienating him and not seeing him or his children again. Hope it works out.

ViolinsPlayGentlyOn · 31/12/2024 21:13

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 21:09

If your DS doesn't like people who fall around drunk and enjoy social media maybe he should consider dating someone his own age.

People his own age are more likely to fall around drunk from the people I know - most of the under 30s I know drink sparingly, if at all.

The social media, yes, but perhaps that doesn’t bother him.

TY78910 · 31/12/2024 21:12

Hmmmmmmm I'm trying to be the devils advocate here.

Dressing inappropriately, posting on social media, immaturity - that's all based on your opinions. What's inappropriate to you might not be to half the people on this thread for instance, it's all subjective.

Smoking at the table yeah not very polite, I'd take that up with DS and say hey that's not cool we don't like it.

Getting drunk and falling over - was it once or twice or every single time? If once, let it go. We've all embarrassed ourselves at least once in our lives, might have not eaten much, might have been ill etc. if it's all the time then I get the frustration.

Sounds like you guys have made up your mind fairly early on and now everything is annoying to you all even though it might not necessarily be

phoenixrosehere · 31/12/2024 21:11

YABU

You are all adults and seemingly can’t tell a grown man that his girlfriend isn’t invited because of her abysmal behaviour. Instead, you all whisper behind his back and people are dropping out over her and doing a separate event?!

He’s 45 not 15, tell him and it is his choice what he decides to do. If he doesn’t go to the family event, he’s made his choice then and he lives with the consequences.

Instead of going behind his back, I’d be questioning what is going on with him to think such behaviour towards his family members from his gf is acceptable, and if he’s going through some type of crisis.

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/12/2024 21:11

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 21:01

she is certainly different! She is very immature, she dresses inappropriately when we go out for family dinners, she spends all her time posing for her social media and includes all our family in the background when they ask the children are not put on social media, she is unpleasant to my sons children, she smokes at the table while we are eating, she gets drunk and embarrasses herself and falls all over the place, she is unhygienic, my sons home is filthy since she’s lived there. My son owns a profitable business and every member of his staff has left because she swears at them when she goes into the office… shall I continue?

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Why has your son let his house get so filthy?

Alittlecake · 31/12/2024 21:10

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 21:09

If your DS doesn't like people who fall around drunk and enjoy social media maybe he should consider dating someone his own age.

Precisely! 🎯

pestowithwalnuts · 31/12/2024 21:09

Unless you give more detail op it's difficult for any of us to give an opinion.
What exactly has she done to make family member dislike her enough to avoid her
?
You say your son knows that some family members don't like her. So what's his thoughts on this.

Alittlecake · 31/12/2024 21:09

Having read your update about her behaviour - your issue should be with her son not his girlfriend.

Your son is allowing this to go on. He is old enough to be her father by the sounds of it - or close to it. Surely he can grow a spine and address her actions or choose more mature classy women and if he chooses not to do either of these things - well your fight is with him? Not the women he is dating.

They’re hardly holding him hostage. He’s a 45 year old man and if he finds all this attractive that says a lot about him.

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 21:09

If your DS doesn't like people who fall around drunk and enjoy social media maybe he should consider dating someone his own age.

Delphinium20 · 31/12/2024 21:07

I agree w/ OP. She sounds awful. Especially considering her behavior around his sons.

Applepoop · 31/12/2024 21:06

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 21:01

she is certainly different! She is very immature, she dresses inappropriately when we go out for family dinners, she spends all her time posing for her social media and includes all our family in the background when they ask the children are not put on social media, she is unpleasant to my sons children, she smokes at the table while we are eating, she gets drunk and embarrasses herself and falls all over the place, she is unhygienic, my sons home is filthy since she’s lived there. My son owns a profitable business and every member of his staff has left because she swears at them when she goes into the office… shall I continue?

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wtf is the matter with your ds tolerating this shit? He’s 45 fgs - he needs to tell her to fuck off

Whatabouthow · 31/12/2024 21:05

That's really cruel. You do the original meet up, or you don't bother. You don't take everyone and meet them without your son because he's dating someone who hasn't cheated on him.

nonbinaryfinery · 31/12/2024 21:04

I don't buy it. You'd have put all that in the opening post if it were true.

RafaistheKingofClay · 31/12/2024 21:04

I’m here for the massive drip feed but until then your family sound awful and your son and his GF sounds better off without them.

PeppyGreenFinch · 31/12/2024 21:03

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 21:01

she is certainly different! She is very immature, she dresses inappropriately when we go out for family dinners, she spends all her time posing for her social media and includes all our family in the background when they ask the children are not put on social media, she is unpleasant to my sons children, she smokes at the table while we are eating, she gets drunk and embarrasses herself and falls all over the place, she is unhygienic, my sons home is filthy since she’s lived there. My son owns a profitable business and every member of his staff has left because she swears at them when she goes into the office… shall I continue?

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Why don’t you just tell son that you would love to have her there but the others don’t so there’s nothing you can do?

And then book in some one on one time with son? And invite his gf to keep the peace.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 31/12/2024 21:03

So basically, you all find her common.

From what you've said she sounds awful but I can't help but wonder what she would say.

LittleBitAlexisLaLaLaLaLa · 31/12/2024 21:03

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 21:01

she is certainly different! She is very immature, she dresses inappropriately when we go out for family dinners, she spends all her time posing for her social media and includes all our family in the background when they ask the children are not put on social media, she is unpleasant to my sons children, she smokes at the table while we are eating, she gets drunk and embarrasses herself and falls all over the place, she is unhygienic, my sons home is filthy since she’s lived there. My son owns a profitable business and every member of his staff has left because she swears at them when she goes into the office… shall I continue?

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So she’s horrible. Why the drip feed? Why not include that in the OP?

Shouldn’t you be harshly judging your son too for allowing a partner to treat his children badly btw?

eta: YABU for not just saying all that in the first place.

Chowtime · 31/12/2024 21:02

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 21:01

she is certainly different! She is very immature, she dresses inappropriately when we go out for family dinners, she spends all her time posing for her social media and includes all our family in the background when they ask the children are not put on social media, she is unpleasant to my sons children, she smokes at the table while we are eating, she gets drunk and embarrasses herself and falls all over the place, she is unhygienic, my sons home is filthy since she’s lived there. My son owns a profitable business and every member of his staff has left because she swears at them when she goes into the office… shall I continue?

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Yes please! I'm intrigued.

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 21:02

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 21:01

she is certainly different! She is very immature, she dresses inappropriately when we go out for family dinners, she spends all her time posing for her social media and includes all our family in the background when they ask the children are not put on social media, she is unpleasant to my sons children, she smokes at the table while we are eating, she gets drunk and embarrasses herself and falls all over the place, she is unhygienic, my sons home is filthy since she’s lived there. My son owns a profitable business and every member of his staff has left because she swears at them when she goes into the office… shall I continue?

Show quote history

yes please

LittleBitAlexisLaLaLaLaLa · 31/12/2024 21:01

No idea if you’re being unreasonable or not because so far all you’ve said is she’s not his usual type. But haven’t said what’s actually wrong with her.

Original poster
NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 21:01

ForeverPombear · 31/12/2024 20:50

It sounds like the only reason you dislike her is because she's different to previous partners (and they didn't work out so maybe it's a good thing). If that is really it I don't know who the hell you all think you are.

she is certainly different! She is very immature, she dresses inappropriately when we go out for family dinners, she spends all her time posing for her social media and includes all our family in the background when they ask the children are not put on social media, she is unpleasant to my sons children, she smokes at the table while we are eating, she gets drunk and embarrasses herself and falls all over the place, she is unhygienic, my sons home is filthy since she’s lived there. My son owns a profitable business and every member of his staff has left because she swears at them when she goes into the office… shall I continue?

OP posts:
Alittlecake · 31/12/2024 21:01

Your son sounds like the problem tbh. Why is he suddenly dating a string of younger women? Very icky!

It’s giving mid life crisis /not healed from being cheated on - perhaps focus on that instead of ostracising young women in their 20s young enough to be your sons daughter.

Just curious - did he ever cheat on his wife?

My DS is 45 and since his marriage of 15 years broke down (his wife cheated and he couldn’t forgive her) he has been dating an array of women under age 30

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 21:00

TY78910 · 31/12/2024 20:53

What is it specifically that they don't like about her? What exactly has she done to insult / hurt / dig at other family members? Disliking someone just because she's 'not the type DS would usually go for' is ridiculous and if that's the only reason that your family don't want to meet her, then I would stick up for DS and tell the family to kindly get on with it. If she has caused a direct issue by being horrible in any way, then I would try mediate. 2 years is not a fling at this point, it's long term and they need to make peace with that.

Bet it's the fact that she went to state school or her parents aren't members of the local golf club 😂

GetyourheadoutoftheovenIris · 31/12/2024 21:00

Sure all that matters is that your son is happy?