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AIBU?

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Original poster

My son’s girlfriend is disliked our family gathering are being boycotted

118 replies

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 20:48

My DS is 45 and since his marriage of 15 years broke down (his wife cheated and he couldn’t forgive her) he has been dating an array of women under age 30. He has been in a relationship with a 28 year old woman for the past 2 years; she is disliked by quite a few family members as she is not the type of woman we have ever seen him with. We all used to spent Christmas, New Year, birthdays, holidays and lots of family get togethers. Now it’s just drama every time we try to arrange something because the first question most ask is ‘Is she coming?’. I don’t particularly like this woman but want to keep a relationship with my son, but it’s really causing a massive problem within the family. We are all supposed to be meeting in London next week, 20 family members coming from all over the UK but tonight they are dropping like flies as they realise she is coming. Many are arranging to meet still despite the event being ‘cancelled’ in the family group chat. They are have started a new group chat but not added my son and are suggesting I go but not to mention it to my son. I would love to see my siblings but as we don’t see each other often, but feel I am betraying my son. AIBU if I meet up with them all without my son, his family and girlfriend knowing? My son is aware of how some of us feel about his girlfriend.

OP posts:
ForeverPombear · 31/12/2024 20:50

It sounds like the only reason you dislike her is because she's different to previous partners (and they didn't work out so maybe it's a good thing). If that is really it I don't know who the hell you all think you are.

Garlicwest · 31/12/2024 20:52

Not unreasonable. Have two events on different days - you attend both.

I'm curious, though: is the girlfriend truly, unbearably awful or are your siblings miserable bastards?

Porkyporkchop · 31/12/2024 20:52

it’s nasty. Plain and simple. You might now approve of her but she is his choice. Telling lies and sneaking about is just plain nasty.

ViolinsPlayGentlyOn · 31/12/2024 20:52

Why is she so disliked?

If there’s not some kind of good reason e.g. she’s abusive to your son then I’d be furious that the family were being so judgemental and would support your son by not going behind his back.

TY78910 · 31/12/2024 20:53

What is it specifically that they don't like about her? What exactly has she done to insult / hurt / dig at other family members? Disliking someone just because she's 'not the type DS would usually go for' is ridiculous and if that's the only reason that your family don't want to meet her, then I would stick up for DS and tell the family to kindly get on with it. If she has caused a direct issue by being horrible in any way, then I would try mediate. 2 years is not a fling at this point, it's long term and they need to make peace with that.

nonbinaryfinery · 31/12/2024 20:54

Well don't you sound delightful? 🙄

Delphinium20 · 31/12/2024 20:54

You can't force others to like someone nor can you force son to drop GF, but I think your best bet is to attend two different events, one w/ son and girlfriend and the other w/ family. I'm sorry, what a rotten predicament to be in. Does son have children?

NameChanger91736 · 31/12/2024 20:54

ForeverPombear · 31/12/2024 20:50

It sounds like the only reason you dislike her is because she's different to previous partners (and they didn't work out so maybe it's a good thing). If that is really it I don't know who the hell you all think you are.

Theres going to be a drip feed of things now I bet. But that sentence from OP is very telling

Speaks volumes about what sort of family they are though if they cant bare to be civil for a few hours

JWhipple · 31/12/2024 20:57

Lord you all sound awful

If she has done something awful, such as burning down orphanages as a hobby, then surely you just tell DS this is why nobody wants to meet up with her

If it's because she's abusive to DS, surely maintaining contact with them both is the best thing

If it is (as it sounds) you're all just an insufferable bunch of snobs who feel she's not the right sort of person, well may you all choke on your naice salads

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/12/2024 20:57

What’s wrong with her?

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 20:58

You give no reason for not liking her other than "she's not the type of woman you've ever seen him with"

Given that the last woman cheated on him, I'd say she sounds like a vast improvement, no?

You give no indication of whether or not she makes him happy and frankly no-one seems to care very much.

You all just want to sneak around behind his back like you're in a primary school playground.

Frankly, it sounds like he's better off without the lot of you.

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 20:58

JWhipple · 31/12/2024 20:57

Lord you all sound awful

If she has done something awful, such as burning down orphanages as a hobby, then surely you just tell DS this is why nobody wants to meet up with her

If it's because she's abusive to DS, surely maintaining contact with them both is the best thing

If it is (as it sounds) you're all just an insufferable bunch of snobs who feel she's not the right sort of person, well may you all choke on your naice salads

Quite.

CactusPat · 31/12/2024 20:59

Behave.

ShesNotACowShesAFox · 31/12/2024 20:59

I don’t feel like I can say YABU or YANBU until I hear your reasons for disliking her.

Anyideashowtodealwiththis · 31/12/2024 20:59

I sense a massive back story here, Op and will withhold any advice until I know the full picture! 😉

Either your family is full of awful people who dislike people for no reason OR she is completely insufferable!

I suspect she is a complete nightmare ( if your family is t a cult?! )

also - she is much younger than your partner- is this a potential gold digging situation? Are they well suited in your opinion? I’m wondering what she is like to be going out with someone old enough to be her dad ( she may be lovely though)

ShesNotACowShesAFox · 31/12/2024 20:59

Is your son called Smithy and the GF Sonia by any chance?

pictoosh · 31/12/2024 21:00

Well you're going to have to tell us what it is she has done to deserve such dislike?
Not the kind of woman you've seen him with before...why is that a problem?

cartagenagina · 31/12/2024 21:00

Christ on a bike! It sounds like he will be better off without you?

What’s wrong with her. Is she Forrin? Or brown?

Does she skin live puppies as a hobby?

GetyourheadoutoftheovenIris · 31/12/2024 21:00

Sure all that matters is that your son is happy?

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 21:00

TY78910 · 31/12/2024 20:53

What is it specifically that they don't like about her? What exactly has she done to insult / hurt / dig at other family members? Disliking someone just because she's 'not the type DS would usually go for' is ridiculous and if that's the only reason that your family don't want to meet her, then I would stick up for DS and tell the family to kindly get on with it. If she has caused a direct issue by being horrible in any way, then I would try mediate. 2 years is not a fling at this point, it's long term and they need to make peace with that.

Bet it's the fact that she went to state school or her parents aren't members of the local golf club 😂

Alittlecake · 31/12/2024 21:01

Your son sounds like the problem tbh. Why is he suddenly dating a string of younger women? Very icky!

It’s giving mid life crisis /not healed from being cheated on - perhaps focus on that instead of ostracising young women in their 20s young enough to be your sons daughter.

Just curious - did he ever cheat on his wife?

My DS is 45 and since his marriage of 15 years broke down (his wife cheated and he couldn’t forgive her) he has been dating an array of women under age 30

Original poster
NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 21:01

ForeverPombear · 31/12/2024 20:50

It sounds like the only reason you dislike her is because she's different to previous partners (and they didn't work out so maybe it's a good thing). If that is really it I don't know who the hell you all think you are.

she is certainly different! She is very immature, she dresses inappropriately when we go out for family dinners, she spends all her time posing for her social media and includes all our family in the background when they ask the children are not put on social media, she is unpleasant to my sons children, she smokes at the table while we are eating, she gets drunk and embarrasses herself and falls all over the place, she is unhygienic, my sons home is filthy since she’s lived there. My son owns a profitable business and every member of his staff has left because she swears at them when she goes into the office… shall I continue?

OP posts:
LittleBitAlexisLaLaLaLaLa · 31/12/2024 21:01

No idea if you’re being unreasonable or not because so far all you’ve said is she’s not his usual type. But haven’t said what’s actually wrong with her.

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 21:02

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 21:01

she is certainly different! She is very immature, she dresses inappropriately when we go out for family dinners, she spends all her time posing for her social media and includes all our family in the background when they ask the children are not put on social media, she is unpleasant to my sons children, she smokes at the table while we are eating, she gets drunk and embarrasses herself and falls all over the place, she is unhygienic, my sons home is filthy since she’s lived there. My son owns a profitable business and every member of his staff has left because she swears at them when she goes into the office… shall I continue?

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yes please

Chowtime · 31/12/2024 21:02

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 21:01

she is certainly different! She is very immature, she dresses inappropriately when we go out for family dinners, she spends all her time posing for her social media and includes all our family in the background when they ask the children are not put on social media, she is unpleasant to my sons children, she smokes at the table while we are eating, she gets drunk and embarrasses herself and falls all over the place, she is unhygienic, my sons home is filthy since she’s lived there. My son owns a profitable business and every member of his staff has left because she swears at them when she goes into the office… shall I continue?

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Yes please! I'm intrigued.