My son’s girlfriend is disliked our family gathering are being boycotted

That age gap is so grim.

But, is there reason no one likes her? Nothing you've suggested fair jumps out at me 🤣

(If this is real, you have to leave your DS and his 'Lady' out of family events for everyone's sanity.)

Just go without him. Chances are she won’t be a permanent partner anyways.

Don't be daft, how is it a betrayal of your son if your relatives aren't subjected to his shitty life choices?

How good are you at just telling simple truths without causing a drama or getting involved in a slanging match? Just see your son and his girlfriend and go and see your family separately, it's not for you to fix, and you can't do so.

He's well aware of the drama, he's lost staff, he's not protecting his children from her behaviour, she's dirty and smokes when people are eating and gets falling down drunk even though she's nearly 30. What a catch.

He already knows the trouble his poor choices are causing. You don't have to be the meat in the sandwich.

It sounds like you are willing to tolerate her, which is fair enough as you are his mum and it is different for you. So tolerate her and stay in his life, and let other people make their own choices. You can't fix his poor decisions and you can't force other people to be around someone who makes them miserable.

Nor should you miss out on seeing the rest of your family.

Other people don't need you to make their decisions for them, just say clearly and calmly that you don't want to be involved in any gossip or discussion about her or your son, change the subject and refuse to add to the shitshow whenever it starts up, show up to the events separately and enjoy yourself. Anything else is just inflaming the drama.

You need to tell son that his gf isn't invited.

Can you give ppl a bit more info on what the problem everyone has with her actually is so we know what we are voting on? I know there is a lot of ripping apart going on in the comments over whether the family are massive snobs or not but you haven’t given enough context or responded to the questions I’ve read. Could you go back and edit your post to include what the issues are?

Also restaurants don't allow it.

Honestly your son sounds gross - he is a little older than me and what I would class a dirty middle aged man putting his desire for sleeping with young ones ahead of his kids.

If she is nasty and smokes around his kids and he is still with her and exposing his kids to her he is a dead beat dad who thinks with only one organ of his body. If his house is dirty maybe your ex DIL was doing all the heavy lifting - it just takes one person to pick up a hoover to have a clean house. If he was lazy in the house, sleezing on young ones it might have been why she strayed. He does not sound like a catch.

You better hope your ex DIL doesn’t here it back from the kids or she might go for full custody. Honestly men like that disgust me. Skip meeting your son and tell him why!

As other PP have stated..where on earth can you smoke at a table when eating? It's illegal unless at home, it's so socially unacceptable as common knowledge that I have never met or seen anyone do that..even in a smokers home they still vacate the area by moving away or into another room with non-smoking guests😅

I'm wondering if there is a slight exaggeration? Inappropriately dressed..mini dress or overly formal. Smokes at table = is a smoker. Swears at people = colloquial language with slang.

Don't partake in sneaking. Just be honest with your son, your his mum you should be able to speak openly or get to a place you can "The family find her too unacceptably dressed, The profanities in front of the children wholly inappropriate and dislike cigarette smoke billowing over our food. So unfortunately they don't feel comfortable in her presence." She will either have to tone it down or bow out.

But at the end of the day your son has chosen her and after two years it's not a fling. Your beef is with him and his taste 😅

If your description is true I would have said something straight away. If I had a plume of smoke billowing at me whilst eating I would have moved or said "Wait till I've finished at least :)" Have you voiced any of this? Because it is all extreme behaviour anywhere in UK and I can't believe all these people haven't said a peep at the time with their kids around..especially if she's being nasty to them.

you have to do what you feel is ok. I'd say seeing your family is important so do that. See your son after the family meeting. He knows many don't like his GF so he's stuck with the outcome of that.

Okay, every member of staff has left his profitable company. So who's running it?

Nope not buying this thread. Over egged. 😁

He is 45, so you are what ? 65 ?
and you talk about your siblings not his siblings
so they must be what 60 -70 or even older ?

why would he even care if you meet up with your siblings ?

he is 45 not 5

and at 45 he is old enough to make his own choices and like many middle aged men he has gone for the younger option.

And as you add that she actually lives with him, I think nowadays she would be referred to as his partner.
tho I personally like ' girlfriend ' until marriage.

Are you suggesting she should be cleaning the house...

can he not afford a cleaner from his profitable business ?

All this. Really well said and if I was not spanking the prosecco Bailey's like a pro, I'd have said it myself!!!

Exactly, I’d be making sure I was there!

she smokes at the table while we are eating

I didn't think anyone had done that since the 60s! 😄

What do you think your SON sees in this paragon of depravity, :@NannyChirley ? Besides the fact she's 17 years his junior, of course.

Has he taken his previous companions to these family get togethers? If so, what does the rest of the family feel about his choice to only date women almost young enough to be his daughter?

I find it hard to believe that 20 people have cancelled a family get together because one nephew has a girlfriend who - what? Wears skimpy dresses, gets drunk at a party, takes selfies, smokes and swears?

Is this really the first time that any of your quite large family has met someone who gets drunk at parties? If she was smoking at the dinner table, which itself needs some explanation if this took place in a restaurant at any time since this woman was 10, did none of you ask her to smoke further away? And just how prudish are you all that an ' inappropriate' outfit is enough to cancel a reunion over?

Last of all, your son's employees. All of them ? Were they fresh out of a convent ? Was it the same one your family all seem to live in?

This.

In any family there will be people who are less liked but you don’t try and muscle them out. Shameful behaviour.

Your family sounds awful.

Your son sounds like a right wet sap. Sadly his choice not yours. He is pussy whipped and theres nothing you can do to make him see sense. You must be very embarrassed by not only her but his acceptance of it too. They sound a right pair who are best left to their own devices.How embarrassing for the extended family.

To be fair to OP though if her son's GF is bieng unpleasant to his DC then he needs family not to withdraw because they can't be around it. He needs them there to help him withdraw from her.

If what is said about the younger woman is true, no wonder family members are staying well clear.

I'm best pleased you aren't my mum :-)

Maybe this thread should be deleted “for privacy reasons” 😂