My son’s girlfriend is disliked our family gathering are being boycotted

NannyChirley · 2024-12-31T20:48:59+00:00

My DS is 45 and since his marriage of 15 years broke down (his wife cheated and he couldn’t forgive her) he has been dating an array of women under age 30. He has been in a relationship with a 28 year old woman for the past 2 years; she is disliked by quite a few family members as she is not the type of woman we have ever seen him with. We all used to spent Christmas, New Year, birthdays, holidays and lots of family get togethers. Now it’s just drama every time we try to arrange something because the first question most ask is ‘Is she coming?’. I don’t particularly like this woman but want to keep a relationship with my son, but it’s really causing a massive problem within the family. We are all supposed to be meeting in London next week, 20 family members coming from all over the UK but tonight they are dropping like flies as they realise she is coming. Many are arranging to meet still despite the event being ‘cancelled’ in the family group chat. They are have started a new group chat but not added my son and are suggesting I go but not to mention it to my son. I would love to see my siblings but as we don’t see each other often, but feel I am betraying my son. AIBU if I meet up with them all without my son, his family and girlfriend knowing? My son is aware of how some of us feel about his girlfriend.

Candy24 · 04/01/2025 00:35

Your son sounds like a catch......not

WiddlinDiddlin · 02/01/2025 03:45

rightinthedavinamccalls · 31/12/2024 22:41

Being nasty to children even once is not ok.

Show quote history

Zero evidence or examples of this though.

OP's grandchildren are probably in their teens so its unlikely we're talking about drop kicking toddlers, could be as innocent as being slightly short with rude teenagers, or as vile as bullying and name calling. OP does not seem to want to elaborate which for someone who really wants to paint a picture is... interesting.

JHound · 02/01/2025 02:58

justasking111 · 31/12/2024 22:01

Okay, every member of staff has left his profitable company. So who's running it?

Nope not buying this thread. Over egged. 😁

I was having seconds now especially after reading the bit about the employees. That sounds made up.

JHound · 02/01/2025 02:52

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 21:01

she is certainly different! She is very immature, she dresses inappropriately when we go out for family dinners, she spends all her time posing for her social media and includes all our family in the background when they ask the children are not put on social media, she is unpleasant to my sons children, she smokes at the table while we are eating, she gets drunk and embarrasses herself and falls all over the place, she is unhygienic, my sons home is filthy since she’s lived there. My son owns a profitable business and every member of his staff has left because she swears at them when she goes into the office… shall I continue?

Show quote history

Why is your son choosing to date her?

I always think our choice of partner is a reflection of us.

JHound · 02/01/2025 02:50

Why don’t they like her?

The fact she is different from the other women je has dated does not sound like much of a good reason?

(Also side note, men who are in their late 40s but only ever date women under 30 strike me as very creepy.)

Alittlecake · 02/01/2025 01:28

I take it OP isn’t returning to this thread to update us? It (this thread) probably didn’t go the way they expected it to 😆 as we all called out her weird son as the problem.

Mmhmmn · 02/01/2025 00:44

LakieLady · 31/12/2024 23:01

Yep!

I think I'd enjoy a night out with the GF than the rest of the family tbh. And it's not an age thing: I'm 69.

Show quote history

😂

LakieLady · 31/12/2024 23:01

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 22:24

Anyone else think the girlfriend sounds like a bloody good laugh?

Yep!

I think I'd enjoy a night out with the GF than the rest of the family tbh. And it's not an age thing: I'm 69.

Hoppinggreen · 31/12/2024 22:53

Mmhmmn · 31/12/2024 22:28

How bad can she possibly be for everyone to be behaving like this?! She’s one person amidst everyone else, and they’re all cancelling for that? - bizarre. Not much good as family are they.

If she IS bloody awful though I can see why the family would try to meet up without her

rightinthedavinamccalls · 31/12/2024 22:51

SantasComingToTown · 31/12/2024 22:48

My thoughts exactly.

And I’m not sure where about you live, but if it’s in the UK there definitely wouldn’t be any smoking at the table considering it’s been illegal for about 20 years.

Can’t imagine that every member of staff in his company has left either.

And if his house is a mess, he’s a 45 year old man running a successful business so I’m sure he is capable of cleaning and tidying up.

Think this a bit over exaggerated to be honest. Your family sounds a bit stuck up and you are basically hating on everything this girl does because she’s not like your sons Ex or like the people you are used to hanging around with…but just remember the Ex cheated on him, you may not approve of this new lady but at least she’s faithful and I would take a faithful smoker who wears a mini skirt than cheating nun any day of the week.

Show quote history

How on earth would you know if she's faithful?

SantasComingToTown · 31/12/2024 22:48

TY78910 · 31/12/2024 21:12

Hmmmmmmm I'm trying to be the devils advocate here.

Dressing inappropriately, posting on social media, immaturity - that's all based on your opinions. What's inappropriate to you might not be to half the people on this thread for instance, it's all subjective.

Smoking at the table yeah not very polite, I'd take that up with DS and say hey that's not cool we don't like it.

Getting drunk and falling over - was it once or twice or every single time? If once, let it go. We've all embarrassed ourselves at least once in our lives, might have not eaten much, might have been ill etc. if it's all the time then I get the frustration.

Sounds like you guys have made up your mind fairly early on and now everything is annoying to you all even though it might not necessarily be

My thoughts exactly.

And I’m not sure where about you live, but if it’s in the UK there definitely wouldn’t be any smoking at the table considering it’s been illegal for about 20 years.

Can’t imagine that every member of staff in his company has left either.

And if his house is a mess, he’s a 45 year old man running a successful business so I’m sure he is capable of cleaning and tidying up.

Think this a bit over exaggerated to be honest. Your family sounds a bit stuck up and you are basically hating on everything this girl does because she’s not like your sons Ex or like the people you are used to hanging around with…but just remember the Ex cheated on him, you may not approve of this new lady but at least she’s faithful and I would take a faithful smoker who wears a mini skirt than cheating nun any day of the week.

rightinthedavinamccalls · 31/12/2024 22:47

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 22:24

Anyone else think the girlfriend sounds like a bloody good laugh?

Yeah hilarious

she is unpleasant to my sons children

ChloexB · 31/12/2024 22:44

Tbh what you guys are doing is bullying. She must make him happy and they must get on to have been together some time. She may be different to you and your extended family. But if she makes him happy and hasn’t cheated on him then I’m inclined to think you’ve exaggerated some of her ‘behaviours’ as I feel if she was that awful you would have included in original post.

rightinthedavinamccalls · 31/12/2024 22:41

WiddlinDiddlin · 31/12/2024 22:19

Reallllllllly...

So she has repeatedly done all these awful things, despite polite requests not to smoke at the table (presumably at someones home or outdoors) or take photos, she's turned up to multiple events utterly wankered wearing nothing but nipple tassels...

Or she's done each thing just the once, but you're such snobby pieces you cannot possibly move on, despite the fact that your son clearly likes her enough to maintain a long term relationship with her.

Why is the state of his home her fault? Its his home, is he incapable of cleaning up? Is she ordering in shite from a local farm yard to be delivered? Or is it the case that you think she should run around after him, keep house, dress demurely, be seen and not heard etc etc and that isn't who she is?

I feel like you think he should have forgiven his cheating but presumably classy and good at house-work, wife.

Being nasty to children even once is not ok.

PinkyFlamingo · 31/12/2024 22:35

You don't seem annoyed at your son at all, he is the one choosing to stay with her.

user1492757084 · 31/12/2024 22:28

You are all free to meet without the girlfriend, however I would not be so obvious about not including her.
Could you arrange a shorter meet up with the whole family, including her, and you gift your DS and girlfriend tickets to a fabulous show (meaning that they go off to enjoy that for three hours) while the rest of the family continue on together?

Book a venue for a meal where there is a STRICT no smoking order.
Organise an out door function where the venue is large, with lots of activies and people can group together in small groups, swapping about. (And also a dedicated smoking area.) How about a Wildlife Park or Adventure Park, Zoos, Botanical Gardens, Lake Activity or Large Art Galleries.

Make sure you (and your son) are not staying at the exact same accommodation as the rest of the family so you are the person most affected by the girlfriend. Have your breakfast earlier than them and agree to meet at venues rather than travelling to and from together. Offer to child mind your grandchildren so that they can go off on a shopping spree together etc. etc.

Mmhmmn · 31/12/2024 22:28

How bad can she possibly be for everyone to be behaving like this?! She’s one person amidst everyone else, and they’re all cancelling for that? - bizarre. Not much good as family are they.

crockofshite · 31/12/2024 22:27

I don't blame you and your family for not liking her, she sounds pretty ghastly and I wouldn't choose to hang out with someone who behaves as you describe.

Go out with the family group without her and enjoy yourself.

SpringIscomingalso · 31/12/2024 22:27

justasking111 · 31/12/2024 22:01

Okay, every member of staff has left his profitable company. So who's running it?

Nope not buying this thread. Over egged. 😁

let her come and continue....we all cheer that young clumsy but fun gf now
i hope she farts at the table also and strokes her future fil knee under the tablecloth!!!!

rightinthedavinamccalls · 31/12/2024 22:27

Pinkissmart · 31/12/2024 21:51

This.

In any family there will be people who are less liked but you don’t try and muscle them out. Shameful behaviour.

Your family sounds awful.

Show quote history

I don't understand posts like this. Why the fuck should anyone be obliged to spend any time with someone as horrible as this woman sounds? This woman is horrible to children (among other things) and the likes of you are defending her? Why?

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 22:24

Anyone else think the girlfriend sounds like a bloody good laugh?

Tbone15 · 31/12/2024 22:21

JWhipple · 31/12/2024 20:57

Lord you all sound awful

If she has done something awful, such as burning down orphanages as a hobby, then surely you just tell DS this is why nobody wants to meet up with her

If it's because she's abusive to DS, surely maintaining contact with them both is the best thing

If it is (as it sounds) you're all just an insufferable bunch of snobs who feel she's not the right sort of person, well may you all choke on your naice salads

100%

Devonshiregal · 31/12/2024 22:20

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 21:01

she is certainly different! She is very immature, she dresses inappropriately when we go out for family dinners, she spends all her time posing for her social media and includes all our family in the background when they ask the children are not put on social media, she is unpleasant to my sons children, she smokes at the table while we are eating, she gets drunk and embarrasses herself and falls all over the place, she is unhygienic, my sons home is filthy since she’s lived there. My son owns a profitable business and every member of his staff has left because she swears at them when she goes into the office… shall I continue?

Show quote history

I think you should continue because it’s hard to picture. She sounds like a caricature. Like really? His staff get sworn at? She’s repulsive and unhygienic? In what way? And what does she wear to be inappropriate?

not saying it’s not true, just need more description to understand.

Does he not realise she is abusive to his sons? And if he does, they’ve been together a long time - is this an abusive relationship or is he also a tosser?

You should let him see that your entire family don’t like her but tell him that you will always accept her and do NOT say anything negative about her yourself. Totally let them play bad cop position so you can remain in his life and not as the enemy. Then when they break up he wont have lost you too and vice versa. Be his safe space.

WiddlinDiddlin · 31/12/2024 22:19

Reallllllllly...

So she has repeatedly done all these awful things, despite polite requests not to smoke at the table (presumably at someones home or outdoors) or take photos, she's turned up to multiple events utterly wankered wearing nothing but nipple tassels...

Or she's done each thing just the once, but you're such snobby pieces you cannot possibly move on, despite the fact that your son clearly likes her enough to maintain a long term relationship with her.

Why is the state of his home her fault? Its his home, is he incapable of cleaning up? Is she ordering in shite from a local farm yard to be delivered? Or is it the case that you think she should run around after him, keep house, dress demurely, be seen and not heard etc etc and that isn't who she is?

I feel like you think he should have forgiven his cheating but presumably classy and good at house-work, wife.

Aduvetday · 31/12/2024 22:19

Your family sound terrible. What exactly has she done wrong? Maybe you’ll lose your son and you’ll have to reflect on whether that is deserved.