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AIBU?

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Original poster

My son’s girlfriend is disliked our family gathering are being boycotted

118 replies

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 20:48

My DS is 45 and since his marriage of 15 years broke down (his wife cheated and he couldn’t forgive her) he has been dating an array of women under age 30. He has been in a relationship with a 28 year old woman for the past 2 years; she is disliked by quite a few family members as she is not the type of woman we have ever seen him with. We all used to spent Christmas, New Year, birthdays, holidays and lots of family get togethers. Now it’s just drama every time we try to arrange something because the first question most ask is ‘Is she coming?’. I don’t particularly like this woman but want to keep a relationship with my son, but it’s really causing a massive problem within the family. We are all supposed to be meeting in London next week, 20 family members coming from all over the UK but tonight they are dropping like flies as they realise she is coming. Many are arranging to meet still despite the event being ‘cancelled’ in the family group chat. They are have started a new group chat but not added my son and are suggesting I go but not to mention it to my son. I would love to see my siblings but as we don’t see each other often, but feel I am betraying my son. AIBU if I meet up with them all without my son, his family and girlfriend knowing? My son is aware of how some of us feel about his girlfriend.

OP posts:
Newhi · 31/12/2024 21:21

Where do you live where you can smoke at the table?!!

cartagenagina · 31/12/2024 21:23

Tbh I find it difficult to believe the entire family are boycotting events if she’s providing the level of entertainment alleged here…

Lindy2 · 31/12/2024 21:25

I actually think the person at fault here really is your son. It's too big an age gap. I'm sorry but it's practically a parent/child age gap and I think the maturity differences are too much. There also seems to be social differences such as smoking at the table etc (which I also would dislike) and difficulties with involving a new partner in his children's lives. What's the age gap between the children and her? I imagine it could be small.

Your son can clean his own house. That's not down to her. If they live together then they are equally responsible for their dirty home.

I'd ask him if he and her really want to go to London. Say you've noticed there's tensions when everyone us together. Perhaps you could just arrange a meet with your siblings rather than a massive crowd of all the generations.

Pedallleur · 31/12/2024 21:26

He is living the life with her. Maybe lots of sexy love and he can't get past that. All he can think of is last night/this morning and later tonight. While that is happening no one can get through. He will be thinking with his little head

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 31/12/2024 21:27

Newhi · 31/12/2024 21:21

Where do you live where you can smoke at the table?!!

Bet it was outside and they'd all pretty much finished. Noone smokes "while" eating.
Still rude but could have just asked her not to.

OhcantthInkofaname · 31/12/2024 21:27

I would go to both I would go to both.

AnarchismUK · 31/12/2024 21:27

I presume you're at least 65. Your problems with Ds's GF may be because of your vast difference in age.

Your DS is allowing his DC to be mistreated and their home becoming dirty. I think you've bigger issues than who to spend a day out with.

AsTheLightFades · 31/12/2024 21:29

He is 45. He has dated a string of much younger (under 30) women. Rather shallow, dip-prick behaviour, particularly as children are involved.
But then again, the rest of your family sound nasty and duplicitous, so they are no better than 28 year old girlfriend sounds. She may have found her tribe, just they are too snobbish to realise.

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 31/12/2024 21:29

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RainbowSquare · 31/12/2024 21:31

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Hoppinggreen · 31/12/2024 21:33

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 21:01

she is certainly different! She is very immature, she dresses inappropriately when we go out for family dinners, she spends all her time posing for her social media and includes all our family in the background when they ask the children are not put on social media, she is unpleasant to my sons children, she smokes at the table while we are eating, she gets drunk and embarrasses herself and falls all over the place, she is unhygienic, my sons home is filthy since she’s lived there. My son owns a profitable business and every member of his staff has left because she swears at them when she goes into the office… shall I continue?

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Common as muck is what I would call that.
OP despite you gettting a hard time here I find it easier to believe that she's awful than that all of your family are
However, your DS seems to like her so it sounds like you are too for now. The rest of your family aren't though so they can choose not to meet your DS if she is coming too, issue is do you go and see them without him?

Pussycat22 · 31/12/2024 21:33

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 21:01

she is certainly different! She is very immature, she dresses inappropriately when we go out for family dinners, she spends all her time posing for her social media and includes all our family in the background when they ask the children are not put on social media, she is unpleasant to my sons children, she smokes at the table while we are eating, she gets drunk and embarrasses herself and falls all over the place, she is unhygienic, my sons home is filthy since she’s lived there. My son owns a profitable business and every member of his staff has left because she swears at them when she goes into the office… shall I continue?

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Get it. She sounds enchanting.

Wordau · 31/12/2024 21:35

NannyChirley · 31/12/2024 21:01

she is certainly different! She is very immature, she dresses inappropriately when we go out for family dinners, she spends all her time posing for her social media and includes all our family in the background when they ask the children are not put on social media, she is unpleasant to my sons children, she smokes at the table while we are eating, she gets drunk and embarrasses herself and falls all over the place, she is unhygienic, my sons home is filthy since she’s lived there. My son owns a profitable business and every member of his staff has left because she swears at them when she goes into the office… shall I continue?

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She sounds like an absolute dick which begs the question - why is your son with her?!

Snapncrackle · 31/12/2024 21:35

ShesNotACowShesAFox · 31/12/2024 21:19

Also this.

I bet if you asked him the best thing about her he’d say “she’s hot”

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I mean say she is 25 /26 /27 years old

she is young enough to be his daughter

but all the OP is bothered about is that she is rude and smokes at the table

Your son is the one that is choosing to date immature young women
take it up with him

but while she is sucking his dick you have very little chance of making him see sense 😂😂

AsTheLightFades · 31/12/2024 21:35

Don't mention the grammar! You'll get sent to Pedant's Corner with a flea in your ear, even if everyone is thinking the same thing!

PokerFriedDips · 31/12/2024 21:35

It's perfectly reasonable to arrange and attend separate family events if there are some family members who don't get on with each other. Your siblings don't have any particular onus to get on with their nephew's girlfriend but you definitely ought to make as much effort as possible to get along with her. Arrange a separate get together. Do everything you can to be nice.

Ponderingwindow · 31/12/2024 21:36

Where are you eating that she is able to smoke at the table? The only place I could think of is in his home. Restaurants would be non-smoking. Your homes you could simply tell her that you don’t allow smoking.

SpringIscomingalso · 31/12/2024 21:36

This sounds like a made up drama. Don't involve the poor lady with your extended hundreds of relatives. I am sure he can't stand them either. You want peace, give peace - stop making her being that horrible that necessarily everyone on that planet will dislike her. If your son want to be with her, he will be. A man short few years of 50. Get a grip.

cartagenagina · 31/12/2024 21:38

Maybe this thread should be deleted “for privacy reasons” 😂

savethatkitty · 31/12/2024 21:40

I'm best pleased you aren't my mum :-)

LlynTegid · 31/12/2024 21:43

If what is said about the younger woman is true, no wonder family members are staying well clear.

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 31/12/2024 21:44

To be fair to OP though if her son's GF is bieng unpleasant to his DC then he needs family not to withdraw because they can't be around it. He needs them there to help him withdraw from her.

Canonlythinkofthisone · 31/12/2024 21:46

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itsjustbiology · 31/12/2024 21:47

Your son sounds like a right wet sap. Sadly his choice not yours. He is pussy whipped and theres nothing you can do to make him see sense. You must be very embarrassed by not only her but his acceptance of it too. They sound a right pair who are best left to their own devices.How embarrassing for the extended family.

Pinkissmart · 31/12/2024 21:51

Porkyporkchop · 31/12/2024 20:52

it’s nasty. Plain and simple. You might now approve of her but she is his choice. Telling lies and sneaking about is just plain nasty.

This.

In any family there will be people who are less liked but you don’t try and muscle them out. Shameful behaviour.

Your family sounds awful.

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