Partners autistic son

This is why I always flinch when people suggest going no contact with families because it leaves them wide open to people like this in fact I’m convinced they target young girls that are fallen out with their families and probably boys as well.

My daughters have met a few men who suddenly started painting me and their father as the devil incarnate and pointing out all of the horrendous things we’ve done in their lives allegedly. But don’t worry, he’s there to look after her, yeah right fuck off.
It’s something to watch out for.

Totally agree. The absolute shit some women on here tolerate just to have a man is breathtaking. I’m imaging my parents reaction if if met anyone even a tiny % as shit as this bloke. Think they’d have had me sectioned for my own protection.

Just reading the OP of her previous thread makes grim reading - he cheated on her with his ex, only moved to win her back (and be closer to her debit card) and was out with his ex while she miscarried and yet she’s willing taken him back.

As I said up thread it’s one of those I actually hope is a wind up because I can not fathom for a single second why anyone would set their bar so low - this one is in the gutter

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5222290-miscarriage-and-breakup-advice-was-i-in-the-wrong

What do you see in this man?

I am seriously shocked anyone would consider him to be a good father material.

He is using you for cash. He is an awful father. He doesn't do anything for you.

I hope you'll realize this has no future, or at least not a future worth living.

I'd be running for the hills.

What?? You are bankrolling this loser and paying for him and his DC? Do you pay his rent?

He saw you coming mate!

Cut him off. Just block him and consider it a lucky escape. Spend the money you save from paying for this freeloader on counselling so you can work out why your self esteem is so staggeringly low.

You vilify the mother for not looking after the children (rightly if what you've been told is true), but completely gloss over the fact this man is equally neglectful. From what you've said there are a few grains of truth about parenting autistic children, but wrapping up in a lode of just generally crap parenting. For instance:

True - many autistic children struggle with sleep and may co-sleep longer
BUT - That makes it more important to have a solid bedtime routine, and possibly pediatrician/ sleep clinic input to help overcome difficulties.

True - mainstream school doesn't work well for some autistic children
BUT - you can't just leave them without an education, a responsible parent would either work with school to get support/ the right setting, or withdraw them fully and home educate (actually do learning stuff not just Xbox)

True - the transition between houses and possibly the chaos of 7 siblings with mum may be harder for an autistic child
BUT - they need to find a predictable scheduled that works for all 3 children, which may need him to not live 100's of miles away. Or if he doesn't think mum is providing adequate care, he needs to apply for residency of all his children and parent them properly.

Unless you really want to sign to end up single handedly caring for all three children, this man-child and any future babies of your own, run a mile from this shit show.

Oh and you split up and he slept with his ex. It's like loser bingo

Hi OP, I hope that writing this down has helped you see just how crap he is

He hardly works, smokes weed, doesn't parent his own child...my 10 year old sounds more driven, more responsible, and less lazy than him. You can surely do better than him

It always blows my mind where are these people’s families? If my daughter was in this situation I’d lock her in her fucking bedroom.
It just would not be allowed to happen

But the chances are that any child he produces with any woman is also going to be autistic. Which can happen to anyone but you wouldn’t choose it. Would you if you knew what you were getting into?

@Dinero86

How did this prince afford to move up from London to Liverpool ?

is he in a private rental - how did he find it / how did he afford the deposit and the 1st month's rent...

Absolutely agree. Just read the other thread where she admits he’s abusive, treated her like shit when she miscarried and said she knows it’s a shit show and a mere fortnight later she’s back wailing ‘but I love him’

I expect humerus threads over next couple of years about how his man sponges off of her, treats her like crap, sticks his dick in other women and sits in his lazy arse getting stoned while she runs around like a headless chicken ban rolling him and his kids each time telling us ‘I don’t know what to do, I love him so much’

OP wake up and smell the coffee. He doesn’t love or respect you. He doesn’t even like you by sounds of it. You’re a meal ticket so he can have an easy life until he finds the next wo silly enough to want his dick.

He’s a useless druggy cocklodging scumbag - is that really all you think you’re worth?

Even if you disregard his awful parenting, gaming addiction, rubbish attitude to work, your attachment to him... OP, he doesn't love you. No one who loved you could treat you like this. Have a look at the Freedom Programme, it was so helpful for me.

I had an abortion during a relationship with a similar man (minus the kids) and when I look back I know I absolutely did the right thing by that potential child, as the idea of any poor child having that man as a father is beyond awful. Instead of thinking of him as all you have left of your unborn baby, maybe try to reframe it - your child will never have to be hurt by the neglect and abuse of this man.

Until I read this I just thought it was sad but you were incompatible, now he’s a pisstaking cocklodger. Time to get rid of him @Dinero86

If his son was his priority he wouldn't have moved away leaving him with this allegedly terrible mother. He's hardly a good parent.

This is the type of woman your partner chooses to sleep with and have 3 children with. He then leaves his children with her and moves to Liverpool despite the fact she is not capable of looking after them properly. He lets his child game at home for 5 weeks instead of going to school. He doesn’t work and already has 3 children that he can’t support. Amongst all that terrible parenting, his only slightly redeeming quality is that he seems to like spending time with his son and that is the thing you are worried about!

This is not the relationship for you, it sounds like you know that but seem to be finding reasons to stick it out. It's only been a year. Leave his ex out of it - your assessment of her is no doubt based on what your partner (who is no great shakes) has told you. Where does she live, if he has moved from London to Liverpool, he has presumably moved away from her and his children or was already living away from them. His son should come first, and with ASD things will likely become more challenging not less as he gets older. Perhaps he has become more clingy because his dad has moved away and he's reacting to the change. You say you don't know much about autism, so read up on it, if you stay in this relationship you might have to parent his three children permanently, have you thought about that? Remember visitation can change. If you are struggling with him being there after five weeks, and you're not even living together, how will you cope if he moves in full-time. You should not be paying for everything, that's ridiculous. If your partner can't work, he should claim benefits until he can. You are being used and manipulated, raise the bar. And I'm sorry to be cold because I know the pain of miscarriage, but bringing a baby into this mess is the last thing you need. If he has three children already and was ready to have another with you within a year of meeting, he's not that much different to his ex, is he? You are choosing to waste your life on him, stop complaining, either suck it up or leave.

How is Liverpool down from London ? Anyway his son is his priority as it should be

Wake up. What qualities does he have that attract you to him?

Read this to people you like and ask them what they think about it. I would be horrified if a daughter/ friend was telling me that she loved a man who behaved like this. The best Christmas present you can give yourself is to get them both out and re set your life( without them)

You love a man who sits smoking weed on Xbox all day?! who only works cash in hand for his mate? This is not the co-parent you need. He’s giving you a glimpse of what your future will be like if you have a child with him. Run for the hills and find someone better.

as a parent of neurodivergent children I don’t even need to comment on the rest as his own behaviour is revealing enough.

So this man

• moved away from his children
• lets his son miss school and not have a routine
• doesn't have a steady job, does "odd jobs" for mates
• plays video games all day
• smokes weed

I'm utterly baffled as to what you see in this man?? He's a shit parent, no life prospects, acts like a child, and uses drugs!

Hi OP

He is a crap partner if he can't support you when going through something like that, and a crap parent who can't even sort out the basics for his own child

I'd end the relationship aa you can't live with or have kids with someone who has such different views to you

I’ve had multiple miscarriages and I have the utmost sympathy for any woman going through one, but honestly you’ve had a lucky escape from being shackled to this pathetic excuse of a man for the next 18 years by having his child.
He is an abusive, work shy drug addict, a terrible parent with no prospects and he’s already sponging off you and dragging you down into his dysfunctional chaotic life. You can’t save him, you can’t save his kids (I’d be making a report to SS though) but you can save yourself, but only by dumping him and cutting all contact.

This guy is a disaster. You equally are no where near ready to be providing a sensible or stable home for children. It makes me sad to think that a child could be brought into this mess.

I have a feeling from your replies you have no intention to leave him. What are you wanting to do OP?