Ainu to not want to buy step kids Christmas present

That’s an utter disgrace and so disrespectful of two grown women to treat you like that. Your husband MUST buy the presents for his daughters and include your name on the gift tag……no ifs or buts. Does not matter if you are 47, 57, or 67……I’m utterly shocked.

Your HH (horrid husband) and HHAC (his horrid adult children) sound like they have a very expectant entitled attitude. What you could do if you so chose and if it helped soften the change this year is to make a donation to a local foodbank or charity in place of a gift this year and for as many future years as you like then phase out gifts to them over time..... if you like. You dont owe them anything ... good for you !

Marriage revokes a Will unless the will is made ‘in contemplation of marriage’. So if his will was made before you married without this clause, and he hasn’t re-signed it he now doesn’t have a Will. This would mean that the intestacy provisions would apply and as his spouse you would be the first beneficiary entitled to £322k and half the rest.
www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

YANBU but also what are these magical jobs that pay such incredible wages to people in their twenties? I’m regretting my life choices

I feel so hurt for you. YANBU

Apologies mumsnet for my multiple identical postings tonight. Internet glitches!

Apologies if this has been asked before, but you are a couple, but you buy separate gifts? So your DSDs get a gift from Dad and a separate gift from Step-Mum?

Is that weird? You've been together over a decade.

Or when he asked, did he mean, what gift are we getting them, and when you said I'm not buying them anything he thought shit, that means I need to make an effort?

It might differ, depending on where in the UK they're resident.

They sound very entitled and your dh is enabling them.

@Mamana127 Mamana127
bless you if anyone had told me what it’s like being in a relationship which has a first family I would have ran a mile

My husband was a good bit older than me. I reckon that that was part of the problem, so far as his daughter was concerned. (Ironically, she and her partner had the same age difference and she was the OW!)

DH told me that - after he was gone - he wanted me to find myself another man. I told him that there was no way that would happen: there's no way I'd put myself through the strain of a "blended family" again.

Apologies if this has been asked before, but you are a couple, but you buy separate gifts? So your DSDs get a gift from Dad and a separate gift from Step-Mum?

Is that weird? You've been together over a decade.

Or when he asked, did he mean, what gift are we getting them, and when you said I'm not buying them anything he thought shit, that means I need to make an effort?

I think your husband should have instigated them buying you gifts when he knew you were doing them the same. They are rude. I also think your dh should have brought it up with them a long time ago.

From the last lines when husband won't put your name on his card... who isn't acting as an adult! Do NOT buy the step children a gift. It might seem difficult to do but they have no difficulty ignoring you on your occasions! Don't even apologise, you could say I got you what you get me.... NOTHING!!!!!
stick to your guns!

TBF I have never even known when my step mams birthday is. I never saw them at Christmas really especially as adults so never bought them anything.

I never expected anything from them, when I was little they might buy a token gift but they never had too. I don't dislike them or not get along its just I don't buy for presents unless theres a reason (like invited to a birthday or seeing each other around Christmas time etc...)

They are leading the charge, so they likely wont mind if you don't buy them anything. They may have even assumed as a couple that the presents where joint or just 'from dad'.

Don't worry about it, mumsnet loves to make out like you must die for step children as if they are your own even before your own but us real world step children don't expect anything of the sort. Just a friendly relationship (same as your would have with your uncles wife etc...) in in person situations making small talk and such is enough.

I'd follow your MiL advice and not buy them anything more. Your husband is a knob and should be supporting you.

You're quite right.

My late husband's children were adults when he separated from his first wife. (There was an OM.)

We were married 6 yrs after the divorce. I'd organise their birthday and Christmas presents and go half with DH. Same for the grandchild. Latterly, I would get a nominal Christmas present from the 4 of them, to be fair. (They were much better off than us.)

DH would remind them that my birthday was coming up. I'd get a joint birthday card from them. The first time it happened, DH looked at it in disbelief: "What's wrong? Could they not afford another stamp?" (It was fairly obvious that DH's DIL had organised the card.)

One year, a beautiful bouquet of flowers arrived for my birthday. Dh was so excited: "What's on the card?" They were from his sister.

Over the last few years, I stopped contributing to their birthday presents. By then, I'd had to give up work to be my husband's carer and - bluntly - I wasn't prepared to spend my money on them.

This made me really upset for you :'( it sounds like you've always made an effort and that isn't always easy. I completely agree with your decision not to get any gifts this year.

I'm surprised he's not too embarrassed by them to even bring it up with you.
He can get lost!

Could you just not invite them...? Or is it a habit that's expected.. ?
I feel for you..it's awful to be stuck in a situation you don't know how to change.

Now that you're married finances are different. Everything in a marriage is shared equally in UK law. You need to see a solicitor about how you own your property. Your husband should not be dictating in his will that the house goes to all his kids. He can only say that about his half of the house. Your half of the house you might want to leave to your child only. You need to get this sorted so his children can't turf you out in the event of his death. You will need new wills now you're married.

My god OP I feel like reading your thread had a Sliding Doors effect on me (Google if you don't know what I mean).

My DSDs are exactly like that. I bought presents, they refused to thank me, they handed me lists of what they wanted, if they didn't like what i gave them they left it behind with a barrage of abuse. Our DC came along and initially they were excited then their behaviour became revolting to the point of no return.

I then slammed the door on them and their mother. I said "I will always support your relationship with your father and with your sibling if you want one in the future but while you treat my child like this I will not be part of your lives". And I'm not.

They are the age yours are now and I'm happy. I love being a parent. They have two parents. F* them, I didn't raise them to be the selfish nasty people they grew up to be.

And watch out when they do @Mamana127 They will have no qualms about using you for free childcare. Seen it before on here. Some have no problem with having someone they dont like or respect caring for the children they claim to love. Dont let this be your future
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/stepparenting/4888934-caring-for-step-grandchild?page=1