To ask for parenting advice

@TwoLeggedGrooveMachine Who does the assessments in Paeds? Psychologists still do them in Paeds here, not the medical clinicians.

Where I live referrals go to Paediatrics at child development centre (part of acute trust). They go through CAMHS only where child presents with a MH issue first and a possible ND is identified once they have been seen by CAMHS.

what is he like after his episodes at school and what is he like at home? Do the self regulation exercises work at home? If yes then I wonder if it is something the teacher is doing that is inadvertently triggering your ds, given this wasn’t such a big problem the last several years.

What perceived unfairness is he noticing? What’s the classroom like compared to last year? Would he be better off sitting alone (less irritating than sitting with others)?

I wonder if you can help him find a way of encountering theses “injustices” without an explosion, maybe find a way for him to register his annoyance that doesn’t lead to a meltdown.

You could also point out to him that he may feel annoyed about some grievance, and he kicks off - but then what? Billy feels annoyed because he couldn’t concentrate on his work because your ds was making a fuss - does that give Billy a right to have a huge meltdown …and then won’t that upset Alice, and then she’ll have a hissy fit, which will upset Arav and he will throw something and so on.

If we are talking unfair, would your ds see the logic that his unacceptable behaviour is unfair on the entire class? And if everyone behaved like your ds, what does he think would happen then?

He may have adhd and autism but he may see the logic of this. And that allowing himself to lose control to the extent other children don’t feel safe, is something he must change and must want to change.

it’s worth a try.

@Phineyj That is incorrect, educational psychologists and clinical psychologists do diagnose ND - I should know, I am one. I’ve never heard of a paediatrician doing an ADHD assessment, in my experience these referrals all go to psychology. Perhaps it depends where you live.

EHCP support thread no. 4 - www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_educational_needs/5197351-ehcp-support-thread-no-4

An educational psychologist won't diagnose anything - paediatricians do that. But they will look at how he's doing at school and suggest strategies.

I suggest:

1. Speak to your GP about Choose and Book to speed up the assessment (there are also places like Caudwell Children's you can ask for a referral to). Or go private? You don't need a diagnosis to get support but if as a pp says, his triggers are sensory, it could throw some light on that.
2. Keep a diary, as detailed as possible. Try to find out the triggers for the incidents at school. Notice what regulates him at home.
3. Do not remove him from school! And do not let them send him home without exclusion paperwork. Incidents at school are quite helpful in gathering evidence for EHCP.
4. Make a parental request for EHCP. The Ipsea website has lots of helpful info.
5. Don't concern yourself with other children. That's not your responsibility.
6. Don't risk your job. SEN is expensive. Keep earning as long as you can.

Just from reading what support he currently has in school I can see thing missing that they should be doing and that I'd be using in my role (LSA supporting children with SEND).

Speak to them about:

• daily sensory circuit before every classroom session (so during registration, after break time, after lunch, etc). These help with sensory regulation and also with routine building.

• SEMH interventions around managing feelings, socio-emotion communication, fostering empathy, etc. They could be employing things like circle of friends, Lego therapy, TalkAbout, nurture sessions. ELSA strategies. These are all worth exploring

• Zones of Regulation to help him recognise and name his emotions with progressive support towards being able to communicate his feelings.

School shouldn't be "at a loss".

Does he has an EHCP? You don't need a diagnosis and you can apply for it yourself, although it sounds like school would support you in this. IPSEA have a template letter on their website that you can use to request an assessment of his needs and there are legal timescales in place for the LEA to respond.

I'm presuming he has a pupil passport/SEN support plan? You need to meet with the SENCO to review it and discuss what the best support is going to be for him. This support should include monitoring of his cues and triggers to minimise his stress so that he doesn't reach the table flipping stage. That school aren't doing this is a bit of a failure on their part, they need to be more pro-active with this (again, this is where a formalised assessment of needs via EHCP will be helpful).

I don’t have personal experience of this but I just wanted to add that meeting with an educational psychologist should hopefully be helpful for you; they are often trained to diagnose neurodivergence and have lots of helpful strategies and tools. A 4 year wait is horrendous! Would you be able to go private for an assessment? It is expensive which means lots of people have no choice but to wait. Wishing you and your son the best OP.

Is he open to discuss it a little more and try to find solutions? I guess trying to figure out what triggers these episodes are key. Can his 1-2 shed any light on what is happening beforehand? Tricky. Have a 8 year autistic boy and often feel like I have no idea what to do parenting wise. Have you read the low demand parenting book? Might help identify things that are demands that are getting to be too much for him?